The Night Thread Belongs to Ding-Dong Daddy, the Go Man (5/30)

There was a time when the Teen Titans were called on to fight a villain more insidious than Darkseid, more crafty than the Joker, and more devious than Mister Mind. That villain was called… juvenile delinquency. Teenagers everywhere, some with absent or deceased parents, were ditching school and having the gall to try to make money for their families. Their nefarious solution: taking random jobs and using their own cars to make money. Sorta like Uber and Amazon Flex.

But at the center of it all was no untouchable billionaire like Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk. Rather it was a jewel thief who went by many names.



And, according to the cover of Teen Titans #3, THE DEMON DRAGSTER.

Today he would be called THE JOB CREATOR.

Along with inventing same-day delivery blocks, the Ding-Dong Daddy would go on to pioneer other great innovations, such as self-driving cars. Kid Flash himself would be tricked by one such vehicle that contained a fake Ding-Dong Daddy in a sweet yellow tuner. A truly commendable advancement if he didn’t program that wheeled rocket to plow into a school bus full of kids.

Other great innovations that have yet to be mined for great profit are the gas pump with flailing robot nozzles, the ice cream cart armed with machine guns, and the station wagon that shoots out tactical surf boards (“Ding-Dong’s Beach Bomb”). Perhaps such forward-looking concepts must await a further generation before coming to fruition.

Ding-Dong Daddy’s undoing, though, turns out to be Wonder Girl. Specifically Wonder Girl dancing, wearing a blonde wig and a 90’s grunge flannel, and spouting some embarrassing 60’s slang.

Uh, look… I know that technically at this time Wonder Girl was just Wonder Woman from the past (don’t blame me; blame Bob Haney) and thus a sentient magical clay golem, but this is highly inappropriate for a clearly middle-aged man whose chosen supervillain moniker — proudly displayed on his white T-shirt — is “Ding-Dong Daddy, the Go Man.”

Fortunately Wonder Girl is also super strong and would bring the criminal empire to an end.

The moral of the story: STAY IN SCHOOL.