Hello, dear readers of The Avocado. I’m afraid this week’s column will be light on commentary and possibly full of typos and spelling errors. I spent this past weekend out of town at the 21st annual Punk Rock Bowling festival, and then tomorrow I head out of town again for a loss in the famil, so in the few hours I’m home I’m going to neglect my wife and kid so that you can be alerted to the existence of a Five Nights at Freddy’s VR game.
Little Friends: Dogs & Cats (Switch) – Releases May 28th
Filling the Nintendogs shape in our lives, the good people at Sold Out and Imagineer are bringing the incredibly cute title Little Friends: Dogs & Catsto Nintendo Switch this week. This is kind of a hot take, but I think dogs and cats are pretty cute.
Crystal Crisis (PS4/Switch) – Releases May 28th
If you’ve always wanted Super Puzzle Fighter, but thought it should feature characters from indie games instead of Street Fighter characters then Crystal Crisis is the game you’ve been waiting for. Apparently I was, because I pre-ordered it last year and got a notification it had shipped and would be arriving Tuesday. I’m also getting the Criterion Collection version of Blue Velvet, which I think was a much better decision.
Five Nights at Freddy’s VR: Help Wanted (PSVR/Rift/Vive) – Releases May 28th
I guess people still play this game series. Not quite a brand new game, but more of a collection of some of the best bits and moment from previous games, along with some new content. I really hope Markiplier does a “let’s play” video of this because I bet it’ll be really funny!!!!!!
Outer Wilds (PC/Xbox One) – Releases May 30th, PC version exclusive to Epic Games Store
Masi Oka from Heroes apparently owns, or runs, or founded, the company that created this game. Normally you would think that would have no bearing on the quality of the title, but you might be forgetting that he is a celebrity, and therefore it has everything to do the quality of the title, because celebrities are gods, and gods are good and I love gods and our gods are awesome gods; they reign from heaven above with wisdom, power, and love; our gods are awesome gods.
Trover Saves The Universe (PS4/PSVR) – Releases May 31st, PC version coming Jun. 4th
I’M PICKLE RICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking hilarious.
Ports and Re-releases:
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons (Switch) – Releases May 28th
I’m going to see my brothers this week, it should be nice. I’ve heard this game is really good.
Wizardry: Labyrinth of Lost Souls (PC) – Releases May 29th
An American game series, beloved by the Japanese, that now looks like it is made by Japanese, for Americans who only like things made for Japanese people.
Expansions:
Warhammer 40k: Inquisitor – Prophecy (PC) – Releases May 28th
This stand-alone expansion is for last year’s Warhamer: Inquisitor – Martyr does not require a copy of the first game to play it, but you’ll be able to carry over progress from that game into this one. In the new expansion you’ll get a new class, new gameplay elements, a new campaign, new settings, and new enemies. The game is also rated ‘mature’ for graphic violence.
Everything else:
Lapis x Labyrinth (PS4/Switch) – Releases May 28th
This game looks Japanese, so I’ll probably buy it.
Rescue HQ – The Tycoon (PC) – Releases May 28th
In this game you will build and run an emergency vehicle station that dispatches Police, Fire Fighters, and Paramedics, to various life or death situations. It looks…
Vambrace: Cold Soul (PC) – Releases May 28th
From Steam, “Vambrace: Cold Soul is a roguelike fantasy-adventure set amidst a frozen landscape. Plan your expeditions underground, then journey to the cursed city surface with your team of heroes. Wield unique powers, avoid dangerous traps, brave strange encounters, and survive deadly combat!”
Layers of Fear 2 (PC/PS4/Xbox One) – Releases May 28th
Damn, these bill collectors are not messing around.
Vectronom (PC/PS4) – Releases May 29th
In this game you move a box across various geometric shapes in rhythm with the music, which will contribute to your impending hair loss.
Void Bastards (PC/Xbox One) – Releases May 29th
The Steam description says this is inspired by Bioshock and System Shock 2, which obviously means it is going to good.
Conan Unconquered (PC) – Releases May 30th
A Conan RTS game is clearly what we’ve always wanted.
Notable Releases from 10, 20 and 30 years ago:
These are some games.
The Sims 3 (PC) – Released Jun. 2nd, 2009: Wiki Link
Everyone’s favorite dollhouse simulator released its third entry ten years ago this week. It allowed for greater character customization, deeper skill sets, and a massive, open world for your sims to walk around in. Plus you could make yourself, and that girl from your work you thought was cute, and have them make out. I didn’t do this. You might have.
Ape Escape (PlayStation) – Released May 31st, 1999: Wiki Link
How do you get people to buy your new controller? Make a game that requires it to play. In Ape Escape, you play as a young boy who must run around with a net and catch monkeys. It’s dumb fun and makes no sense. I think the most interesting thing about this series is that it was featured as a sort of mini-game in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.
California Games (NES) – Released Jun. 1989: Wiki Link
Released a year earlier for various home computers, the NES version of California Games came out thirty years ago this week. Known for its incredibly accurate portrayal of the California gaming lifestyle, the game went on to win several awards, becoming the first game to win an EGOT. President George H.W. Bush declared that all children would play the game in lieu of P.E. class, making Coach Fletcherson really, really made in the process, and ultimately led to Bush’s impeachment in 1995. Noted film critic Roger Ebert declared on his show, Ebert & Roeper: Siskel, that “…video games are art, period. We are in a time where the moving picture will have to live with the fact that it is now bullshit when compared to California Games for the NES. I implore you to remember this quote, Roger Ebert loves video games and believes they are more important than movies“. The 80’s were a weird time.
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