(Apologies for the abbreviated writeup. Typing on a laptop on a hotel bed isn’t exactly conducive to penning good prose.)

This is it: the twisty, shifty, mindbending marble maze (brought to you by Hubelino!) There is no strategy here. No surefire method of getting ahead. Just pure, unadulterated chaos. Up is down, cats are dogs, and licorice is delicious. May God have mercy on our smooth, spherical souls.

Stray thoughts:

• “Obviously we don’t want to encourage outright violence.” Speak for yourself, Greg Woods.
• Wow, that third heat was brutal. Only three finishers out of twenty.
• “This is a thinking event.” No, there is no thinking. Only confusion and loss.
• I feel like Werner Herzog would dig this event.
• Hey, the Pinkies and Oceanics actually made it out of the heats! And then they made it out of the semis! And then the Pinkies won a silver medal! But they’ve sucked so badly until now that it still wasn’t enough to lift them out of dead last in the standings. Yikes.

Next up: the Dirt Race. Time to get filthy!

Complete stats for the 2019 MarbleLympics can be found at the MarbleLympics Wiki.