MarbleLympics 2019: Event #8 – Summer Biathlon (Triathlon)

Moving to the outdoors is a tricky proposition. There’s no way to account for all of Mother Nature’s vicissitudes, and physical conditions can radically change in the span of minutes.

In the past, lesser sporting events, such as the Summer Olympics, have disqualified records on the basis of factors like aiding winds. So what do the MarbleLympics do when water currents are too choppy? They straight-up cancel one-third of an event. No more swimming for these orbicular athletes.

Thus, the triathlon becomes a biathlon, albeit without any target shooting. No, the only target our tiny glass balls have to hit is the finish line. They roll down a curvy plastic track and then transfer into a sandy channel reminiscent of the beloved Sand Marble Rally.1

The heats and semi-finals see their fair share of drama, but it’s the finals that provide the most excitement, with a photo finish needed to assign gold and silver. In the end, the Chocolatiers fall short by 3 milliseconds, leaving the Jungle Jumpers to nab the top spot.

Stray thoughts:

  • At least we’ve already had an Underwater Race. Otherwise, there would be an alarming dearth of aquatic events. (Not that it would matter to the Oceanics. :P)
  • Heat #4 had the Pinkies, Mellow Yellow, the O’rangers, and the Chocolatiers. Might this have been the most delicious heat in MarbleLympics history?
  • The Midnight Wisps were awarded two consolation points due to “equipment failure.” Personally, I’m suspicious. Maybe the Wisps have some inside info on what led to the world record being broken thrice in the Balancing Event. These aren’t consolation points; these are hush points!
  • The Raspberry Racers are now ahead of the Green Ducks in the overall standings by two points. Meanwhile, the Savage Speeders are simply plummeting in the rankings. Aesop might have something to say about that.

Next up: Hurdles!

Complete stats for the 2019 MarbleLympics can be found at the MarbleLympics Wiki.