The Star Wars Day Thread Wants to Give Bib Fortuna a Hug

As we celebrate Star Wars today for no particular reason other than a “May the 4th be with you” pun, let’s take a moment to salute one of the most tragic characters of the entire saga: Bib Fortuna.

Bib Fortuna has been Jabba the Hutt’s right hand alien man for Boss Noss knows how long, even as far back as those Phantom Menace days when Jabba was hosting the Pod Races…and falling asleep during them. Think about it, Bib had to deal with Jabba the Hutt’s fucking snoring incessantly day after day after day.

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Yet Bib Fortuna hangs in there, hanging out with Jabba, doing whatever he’s told by his slimy crime boss, spending almost all of his time with the most notorious crime lord in the galaxy. In these politically correct times of ours, the following statement may be offensive to Hutts, but let’s face it, Jabba almost certainly had some serious BO issues going on, since it’s unlikely he ever showers, especially on a planet made of sand (Jabba likes sand, since it’s course and rough like him). That means Bib endures Jabba’s musk all the time, for countless hours with no hope for an end of a release from his fumes in sight.

Yet Bib hangs in there. Bib stays strong. Bib suffers through it all yet still attempts to smile to get by his miserable existence day after day after day.

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*internally screaming*

Jabba gives Bib Fortuna no respect in spite of all he does for him, calling him “weak-minded” and throwing him into his own slime puddle. Yet Bib remains loyal. Maybe he has no one else to hang out with, or maybe Jabba’s the only being in the universe who won’t call him out for his ears looking like two gungan penises.

In the official timeline, Bib is said to have died when Jabba’s sand ship exploded, but I like to think he survived, and is having a cup of java juice somewhere out there with Dexter Jettster.

Happy Star Trek Day, everyone!