Guy Talk: Men and Crying

Welcome to Guy Talk, a serious space to discuss masculinity, good and bad. This week’s discussion will be on “crying”.

Humans weep in response to strong emotions such as anger or grief. Some scientists say crying relieves pain; others think it is a way to show people that we need reassurance.

Before I started writing this post, I assumed that men don’t cry because we don’t want to appear weak. However, it is boys who are regularly told that they must not cry. So, I have a new theory:

“Boys are told not to cry by their parents, family and teachers in order to reduce the emotional labour adults have to perform.”

What do you think? When was the last time you cried? What are your memories of crying during childhood? Anything you want to share, go ahead.

A brief announcement

People have been asking why Guy Talk is open to everyone, and not just a men* only space. There are 2 reasons:

1) At the moment, sites dedicated to discussing masculinity tend to be sexist, homophobic and transphobic garbage fires – see David Futrelle’s excellent website for more details.

Do I think male Avocadians (including me!) will inevitably behave like Incels/PUAs if given the chance? Of course not, and that is why Guy Talk is open to everyone – we have nothing to hide.

2) If we are trying to build a new masculinity, it makes sense to give women the opportunity to contribute – one of patriarchy’s biggest flaws is that it belittles anyone who is not male, straight and cis.

That said, if you want to share something that you do not feel comfortable with a woman seeing (say, performance anxiety in the bedroom), perhaps use the spoiler tag and say why you are using it? Guy Talk is still young and we are figuring stuff out.

The next Guy Talk will be published on 20th May