So, there’s, like, this boy, okay? I don’t know what his name is. Let’s call him Christopher Robin. Or, Chris R for short. Anyway, Chris R was into drugs and shit. It’s not his fault, it’s because his friends got him into them. Or maybe they weren’t his friends, but the girl had like a sick hat or something…
Also, Drugs were like alive. Or maybe it was some smoke genie. He talked like George C. Scott. Anyway, Chris R stole from his sister’s piggy bank, not because he wanted drugs, but because he was too dumb to steal from his mom’s purse instead. This made the Smurfs upset, and they called Garfield and Alf for help, and Alf threatened to eat Garfield, and Snarf was there. Or, wait, no, it wasn’t Snarf. It was Slimer, or something. The booger ghost from Ghostbusters.
And Winnie the Shit was there! Oh, wait, that wasn’t his name. Or was it?
Anyway, some ducks showed up, and Baby Kermit was there, as was Bugs Bunny, and they all lectured Chris R for a while, and they told him that drugs were like riding roller coasters, which meant drugs were awesome. And then one of the Ninja Turtles showed up. I don’t know which one. It was the one who was stoned all the time. He scolded the boy about weed, and then the Chipmunks sang a song.
So, yeah, the next time someone offers me some weed next to the Checker’s parking lot, I’m going to tell him my hamster died. Or something. Is it hot in here? Anyway, the drug genie was thrown in the trash after Chris R saw him trying to sell drugs to his sister or something. And Daffy Duck may have been involved. Anyway, they all got sucked into a painting at the end or something. I dunno.
Happy “Say No” Day, everyone!