I have a confession. I love trashy television. In fact, the trashier the better. To me, the View is the epitome of trashy guilty pleasure television. I mean I’m certainly not watching this show for in depth political analysis or deep sociological commentary. I’m watching for female hot takes that lead to tears and/or yelling.

When Barbara Walters first pitched this show, the idea of smart women giving discussing their various positions on issues, I pictured an all female McLaughlin Group. I’m not sure what went awry but it’s never been that.

I was expecting this:

We got this:

What happened???

To truly understand my friends, I need you to dive into the receptacle of daytime television with me.

Ladies who Punch by Ramin Setoodeh

First off I object to the title, it should be Women Who Punch not ladies. The book is divided by the women who have tried out or been on the show.

Barbara Walters

I think Barbara’s original idea was legitimately a good one the problem was she didn’t realize that ABC pretty much only loves garbage and she didn’t realize that watching women discuss intelligent topics during the day wasn’t going to like get any ratings. I mean think about what comprises daytime television soap operas, dramatic talk shows and reruns. It’s guilty pleasure time slot not serious news.

Star Jones

There is a considerable amount of this book devoted to Star Jones’ weight problem Let me add that I’m not calling it a weight problem Star and the network are calling it a weight problem. It’s very Delta Burke and Designing Women just 15 years later. Apparently to sit at around table and discuss political issues and current topics you need to be a certain size. This is how you can tell that a lot of networking executives are men because I seriously doubt women care about this characteristic. I’ve never watched a talk show and thought wow I wish that woman was skinnier. Throughout most of the time on the View, Star was either encouraged to diet, on a diet or having surgery to help her diet. It was legitimately something she discussed with Barbara Walters and the network on a regular basis. Plus it seems that Star is the type of person who is a comfort eater. So imagine you’re on a stressful job where network executives are continuously talking to you about your weight and then throughout that pressure trying to lose weight. The other predominate story about Star the book is her treatment of another woman trying out because of her interracial relationship. Star legit pulled Lauren Sánchez aside to tell her because of her interracial relationship with a black man that she didn’t belong on the View. She then did an interview with Newsweek where she stated black women lost another “brother.” The fact that she felt like this isn’t exactly uncommon. The fact that the set was unprofessional enough that she felt comfortable voicing this opinion to somebody who is potentially working for the show is probably the bigger issue.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

I never saw Elisabeth Hasselbeck on Survivor. Believe it or not I’ve never actually seen an episode of Survivor. However after survivor I used to watch her on a show called the look for less. It was basically a show where she put together budget fashion outfits. Basically Barbara wanted somebody on the show to have a conservative viewpoint. They had auditioned a bunch of hopefuls honestly with more experience than Elisabeth Hasselbeck had. I suspect she got the position because she had a built-in audience from her time on Survivor. Television loves people that already bring viewers with them. The best part of the book on her is that when they realized she wasn’t working out they actually started auditioning people with her still on the show and without telling her. Then one day out of the blue, they came into her dressing room and unceremoniously fired her. Barbara Walters then made a call to get her a job at Fox with Roger Ailes where are conservatives are put out to pasture.

Rachel Campos

I’m giving including this in even though she just got two auditions for the show because I can’t stand her. You guys remember her right she was on Real World San Francisco. She’s the person who made a big deal about having to live with somebody with AIDS even though at this point everybody knew that AIDS wasn’t a communicable disease. Then proceeded to date someone covered in scabs who picked his nose on a regular basis because his germs were okay. Anyway apparently she went after a job on the view hard-core even going so far is to emailing Barbara on a regular basis and send pictures of her kids. They decided to pick Elisabeth over her.

Rosie O’Donnell

As soon as Rosie O’Donnell join the show it became her versus Elisabeth Hasselbeck. And as much is Rosie O’Donnell annoys me I can see why this would be the case. A lot of times people who don’t have anything to lose who are Democrats can be friends with conservatives. But like I said these people don’t have anything to lose they’re usually rich white and straight. Putting Rosie on the panel kind of took that away. Yes Rosie is also rich but her homosexuality made some of topics Elisabeth addressed actually viable to her life. So rightly she went after her and her cast mates took her side. The view audience is mostly liberal, Elisabeth was odd man out and Rosie took her all the way out.

Honestly the saddest part about this book is the Walters’ original concept for this show was a complete no go.

Welcome to Wednesday!!!!!