So You Think You Can Think, Puzzle 17: Fakest Last Words

Hey Puzzliztz! Welcome to this week’s puzzle.

Did you know that people read novels? It’s true! In fact, a while ago there were even lists of the best novels being curated and printed on the Internet. Like this one, from American publishing house, Modern Library.

Now, I looked this list over, and I can say that it’s an impeccable rundown of the finest literature in the English language. Title after title, and each more literary and acclaimed than the last. You have my personal guarantee.

So today’s puzzle is going to test just how much of these great works you know. I haven’t read most of these myself. But I know enough about them that I’m 100% sure I have all the stories and themes and metaphors worked out perfectly from title to title.

So, I’ve collected twelve of what I am sure must be the final paragraphs from different novels on the list. All you have to do is prove your intellectualistic chops by identifying which book on that list of 100 the presumed-quote is taken from. Use that link above to refer to the list as you solve! Ready? Get bookish!

 

One
In the end, Mama was right. No anger was ever sated by throwing fruit at someone.

Two
When all was said and done, he may have been a terrible drunk, but he really wasn’t so bad a President.

Three
“Finally,” Mama said, “they’ve stopped banging around upstairs. Papa, you can calm down now and get some sleep!”

Four
He was never seen again, as usual.

Five
As they led Paul away in handcuffs, he cried, “How did you know? How could you possibly have known?” Restaurant Inspector Klein chuckled, licking the buffalo sauce off his fingers. “White feathers,” he said. “Tiny white feathers and olive branches.”

Six
Well, anyway. I’m glad I got to tell MY side of things after so long. No one pays attention to the little brother when there’s teenage angst and drama. I mean…so she had a rotten prom! Big deal!

Seven
Monty stepped up into the cab, and tossed his Fed-Ex clipboard onto the passenger seat. “Another day,” he thought, “another hundred or so packages.”

Eight
Monty rattled the keys in his hand, flipping to the silver one which locked the storefront door. “Another day,” he thought, “another thirty one flavors.”

Nine
And as we watched that giant ball fall, heard the countdown, and held the chilled champagne at the ready, we knew our adventure was nearly at an end.

Ten
Later on I heard about a farmer three counties over who found Shoeless Joe in his cornfield. Just my luck: I get stuck with Johnny Bench in the grain.

Eleven
I wanted to say goodbye. But I could not wave. And they cannot hear. It was, indeed, the saddest ending.

Twelve
I knew he was lying. Dragging me out here at 5am just to—oh. Oh wait. Over there, eastward. Well, don’t that beat all.

Last time’s solutions:

Spoiler

  1. Things in a bathroom cabinet: Talcum powder, baby aspirin, toothpaste, antiperspirant, Band-Aids, eye drops
  2. Beatles #1 hits: I Want to Hold Your Hand, Eight Days a Week, Yesterday, Penny Lane, All You Need is Love, Hey Jude
  3. Podcasts: Comedy Bang! Bang!, You Must Remember This, How Did This Get Made?, Serial, Welcome to Nightvale, The Adventure Zone
  4. Game Shows and their hosts: Win, Lose, or Draw with Burt Convy, Match Game with Gene Rayburn, Tic Tac Dough with Wink Martindale, The Price is Right with Bob Barker, Card Sharks with Bob Eubanks, You Bet Your Life with Groucho Marx
  5. Idioms from boxing: come out swinging, saved by the bell, take it on the chin, roll with the punches, on the ropes, down for the count
  6. Capital cities and their nation: Sofia, Bulgaria; Budapest, Hungary; Helsinki, Finland; Monaco, Monaco; Athens, Greece; Podgorica, Montenegro
  7. Things in a hotel: ice machine, key card, continental breakfast, Gideons Bible, no-vacancy sign, reservations desk
  8. Winnie the Pooh characters: Piglet, Christopher Robin, Kanga, Eeyore, Roo, Heffalump

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