The Razzie ballots for the “worst” movies of 2018 was unveiled yesterday and, shock of shocks, it’s terrible. It’s so awful, I decided to do a breakdown of its many failures. Also, I will be copying everything from the ballot as is, typos including (and there’s a fuck ton of typos).
WORST REMAKE, RIP-OFF, or SEQUEL nominees
DEATH OF A NATION (Sequel to HILARY’S AMERICA)
DEATH WISH (2018 remake)
FIFTY SHADES FREED
GOD’S NOT DEAD: A LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
HOLMES & WATSON
INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY
THE MEG (Xerox Copy of JAWS)
THE NUTCRACKER and THE FOUR REALMS
OVERBOARD (2018 remake)
PACIFIC RIM: UPRISING
PREDATOR (2018 remake)
ROBIN HOOD (2018 remake)
SUPERTROOPERS 2
And we’re already off to a bad start. Death of a Nation isn’t a sequel to Hilary’s America, it’s as much a sequel as Fahrenheit 9/11 is a sequel to Bowling for Columbine. While The Predator (or just Predator as they call it) was terrible enough to merit a spot in this category, the Razzie people seem to think it’s a remake despite it obviously being a sequel. It makes several references to the events of past Predator movies. They just saw the bad reviews and disastrous box-office and marked it down in this category without bothering to see it. One of the more annoying thing about this category is that they count adaptations of works that have gotten past movie adaptations as remakes. Holmes & Watson, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms, and Robin Hood aren’t remakes, idiots. And it’s not like there was a dearth of bad sequels and remakes this year. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom came out this year and it’s not nominated, dammit. And finally, The Meg isn’t a fucking “Xerox copy” of Jaws. Beyond both featuring sharks, there’s very few similarities between the two.
WORST ACTOR nominees
Nicolas Cage / 211 and LOOKING GLASS
Jim Carrey / DARK CRIMES
Dinesh D’Souza / DEATH OF A NATION
Johnny Depp (Voice Only) SHERLOCK GNOMES
Jamie Dornan / FIFTY SHADES FREED
Will Ferrell / HOLMES and WATSON
Keanu Reeves / DESTINATION WEDDING and SIBERIA
Kevin Spacey / BILLIONAIRE BOYS CLUB
John Travolta / GOTTI
Donald J. Trump (As Himself) DEATH OF A NATION and FAHRENHEIT 11/9
Bruce Willis / DEATH WISH
The only one of these movies that I’ve seen is Death Wish, so I can’t comment on the quality of the nominated performances but there’s still several blatant issues even without having seen the movies. For starters, Trump and D’Souza are not acting and Trump wasn’t even directly involved with either film. He’s just nominated as a petulant attack on him and the Razzies somehow made an attack on Trump seem lame. Also, how come D’Souza isn’t listed as “As Himself” too? In addition, I’ve heard that Spacey was a supporting actor in Billionaire Boys Club. He’s most likely in this category because the Razzies never bothered to watch it and just nominated him because he’s a disgusting monster. On the plus side, at least Tom Hardy wasn’t nominated for Venom and Cage wasn’t nominated for Mandy as well, I could totally see them doing that.
WORST ACTRESS nominees
Rosario Dawson / KRYSTAL
Anna Faris / OVERBOARD
Jennifer Garner / PEPPERMINT
Amber Heard / LONDON FIELDS
Taraji P. Henson / TYLER PERRY’S ACRIMONY
Joey King / SLENDER MAN
Melissa McCarthy / HAPPYTIME MURDERS and LIFE OF THE PARTY
Helen Mirren / WINCHESTER
Amanda Seyfried / THE CLAPPER
Bella Thome / I STILL SEE YOU
Gabrielle Union / BREAKING IN
Ah, the proud Razzie tradition of nominating people for starring in bad movies despite giving good performances. Breaking In was a dud but Gabrielle Union was wonderful in it and very nearly made it worthwhile. And Helen Mirren gave her performance in Winchester her all. I haven’t seen Peppermint in its entirety but Jennifer Garner was good in the bits I saw while working. But their movies sucked so nominations for them!! On the plus side, I should count my blessings that Dakota Johnson isn’t nominated for Fifty Shades Freed (haven’t seen it but she was good in the first one and didn’t deserve her win) and that Amber Heard wasn’t nominated for Aquaman.
WORST DIRECTOR nominees
Otto Bathurst / ROBIN HOOD
Etan Cohen / HOLMES and WATSON
Kevin Connolly / GOTTI
Dinesh D’Souza & Bruce Schooley / DEATH OF A NATION
Ruben Fleischer / VENOM
James Foley / FIFTY SHADES FREED
Brian Henson / HAPPYTIME MURDERS
Eli Roth / DEATH WISH
Michael Spierig and Peter Spierig / WINCHESTER
Nothing to really add for this category (Fleischer, Roth, and the Spierig brothers’ direction for these films are terrible), though there is a glaring omission: Clint Eastwood for The 15:17 to Paris (and also The Mule but his direction for 15:17 deserves more negative attention). His direction was abysmal and seemed like something a first time director would do, not someone who won two Oscars for directing (and actually deserved ones).
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR nominees
Daniel Craig / KINGS
Jaime Fox / ROBIN HOOD
James Franco / KIN
Harvey Keitel / LIES WE TELL
Ludacris (Voice Only) SHOW DOGS
Joel McHale / HAPPYTIME MURDERS
John C. Reilly / HOLMES & WATSON
Justice Smith / JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM
Billy Bob Thornton / LONDON FIELDS
A good deal of the nominees this year feel like they just looked at panned movies and looked for famous people to nominate. I mean, that’s what they always do but it’s especially blatant this year. I haven’t seen all of Holmes & Watson but, from what I’ve seen at work, Reilly is a co-lead doesn’t belong in this category. The absence of Johnny Depp in this category is especially galling. He was in London Fields (which I haven’t seen but neither have the Razzies) and Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (which I have seen and he was terrible in it). The fact that Heard was nominated for London Fields and Depp wasn’t is deeply troubling. And while Justice Smith 100% deserves his spot on here, his nomination makes Fallen Kingdom‘s lack of nominations elsewhere stick out even worse.
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS nominees
Christina Aguilera / LIFE OF THE PARTY
Elizabeth Banks / HAPPYTIME MURDERS
Kellyanne Conway (As Herself) FAHRENHEIT 11/9
Cara Delevinge / LONDON FIELDS
Marcia Gay Harden / FIFTY SHADES FREED
Kelly Preston / GOTTI
Molly Ringwald / SIBERIA
Winona Ryder / DESTINATION WEDDING
Jaz Sinclair / SLENDER MAN
Melania Trump (As Herself) FAHRENHEIT 11/9
Did you know that Christina Aguilera was in Life of the Party? I didn’t until seeing the ballot. I checked IMDb and she just has an uncredited cameo and I can probably guess she didn’t do much to warrant a spot here. I already griped about people in documentaries being nominated for acting categories awhile back and it still stands. Also, this is the poster for Destination Wedding:
Ryder (nominated for Supporting Actress) is billed above Reeves (nominated for leading Actor). So, yeah, they didn’t bother to see this one either.
WORST SCREENPLAY nominees
A.X.L.
BILLIONAIRE BOYS CLUB
DEATH OF A NATION
DEATH WISH
FIFTY SHADES FREED
GOTTI
HAPPYTIME MURDERS
OVERBOARD
ROBIN HOOD
VENOM
WINCHESTER
Not much to gripe about here but I do find the presence A-X-L (they got the title wrong, like they do in every single category) hilarious. How they fooling, trying to get people to think that they saw it. No one saw A-X-L, no one.
We’re getting into the absolute nadir of every Razzie ballot, the Worst Screen Combo category.
WORST SCREEN COMBO nominees
Any Two Actors or Puppets (Especially in Those Creepy Sex Scenes) HAPPYTIME MURDERS
Any Two “Merry Men” / ROBIN HOOD
Johnny Depp & His Fast-Fading Film Career (He’s doing voices for cartoon, for kripesakes!) SHERLOCK GNOMES
Jamie Dornan & Dakota Johnson (Talk About Your Anti-Climax!) FIFTY SHADES FREED
Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly (Trashing Two of Literature’s Most Beloved Characters) HOLMES & WATSON
Helen Mirren & Her On-Again/Off-Again “Southern” Accent / WINCHESTER
Kelly Preston & John Travolta (Getting Battlefield Earth type Reviews-0% at R.T.!) GOTTI
Donald J, Trump & His Perpetual Pettiness and Self Pity / DEATH OF A NATION and FAHRENHEIT 11/9
In what can only be describes as a petulant fuck you to all the people that point out that there’s very few actual couples in this category, they included painfully unfunny insults with the genuine couples. Also, can we talk about how fucking obnoxious their attack on Depp for starring in an animated movie. Like, his career is in the gutter for a myriad of reasons (all his own doing) but they single out him doing voice acting as the worst aspect, seemingly flipping the bird at voice actors.
WORST PICTURE nominees
BILLIONAIRE BOYS CLUB
DEATH OF A NATION
DEATH WISH
FIFTY SHADES FREED
GOTTI
THE HAPPYTIME MURDERS
HOLMES and WATSON
LONDON FIELDS
ROBIN HOOD
VENOM
WINCHESTER
Yeah, most of these are probably crap but Venom is undeserving of its spot here. It’s pretty sucky but Tom Hardy was delightfully weird enough to make it not bad enough to get nominated. And there’s so many worse movies that weren’t nominated here, even some that were nominated elsewhere. Slender Man was worse, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom was worse, Looking Glass was worse, Insidious: The Last Key was worse, The Predator was worse, etc.
Thanks for reading my whiny treatise and fuck the Razzies.