Last Week on Tales From the opposite of The Hood:

Archie almost dies because he’s stupid and horny

Veronica totally shows how independent she is by asking her knowingly evil Dad for advice then taking that advice

Betty has a sassy inner monologue but then gets brainwashed by drug dealing nuns

Hiram controls basically every single business in town

Last week’s episode was so bad, popular Mothership reviewer LaFergs gave up on the show completely

 

but hey hey at least this week we meet mama Jughead and Jelly Bean!