It’s time for another round of Muppet Casting, where we take a famous movie and ask, if Jim Henson’s Muppets made their own version of it (in the vein of The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island), which Muppets would you cast in the lead roles?
This week, it’s the Harry Potter series!
Now, normally I try to make these Muppet Castings comprehensive, covering all the significant characters in a movie. But the number of characters in Harry Potter is so staggeringly huge, I just was not up to the challenge. So I’m gonna be doing castings for a random smattering of characters I thought I found a good Muppet counterpart for, but I’m counting on you folks in the comments to cover the many roles that I missed.
With that out of the way . . .
Miss Piggy as Dolores Umbridge – Miss Piggy’s habit of acting sickeningly sweet and cutesy, but using that to disguise the hard-hearted fury she has underneath, is perfect for Umbridge, who treats all the Hogwarts students like they’re pwecious little kindergarteners, while simultaneously being one of the most cruel, petty, and vindictive villains in the whole series.
Rowlf the Dog as Dumbledore – I know, I know, Rowlf should be Sirius Black, because they’re both dogs and all. I get it. But looking at their personalities, I have a hard time thinking of a Muppet who’d make for a better Dumbledore. Rowlf is one of the less outrageously zany Muppets, so he could do the scenes where Dumbledore’s being wise and serious without it feeling odd, but he’s still daffy enough that Dumbledore’s goofier and more playful moments, where he gently trolls everyone around him, would also still feel in-character.
Link Hogthrob as Gilderoy Lockhart – The celebrity who’s obsessed with how famous and handsome he is, despite having absolutely no substance underneath? Perfect role for Link.
Skeeter as Rita Skeeter – Just ‘cause of the name. Plus, glasses.
Gonzo the Great as Dobby – And all the other house-elves are played by chickens. Something about the way Dobby always tries to be helpful, but has a hard time realizing how his actions can often be anything but, seems right up Gonzo’s alley.
Sam the Eagle as Vernon Dursley – The Dursleys are defined by a single trait: their complete and utter distaste for anything not normal (with magic at the top of the list). I don’t recall if they ever told some wizards and witches, “You’re all weirdos!”, but it would be absolutely in-character if they did.
Janice as Professor Trelawney – Who better for the professor who talks about looking into the stars or crystal balls because, like, it’ll let you see the future and stuff, fer shur?
Statler & Waldorf as Peeves – Peeves almost never has any bearing on the plot (they were even able to cut him out of the film versions entirely), yet he remains a constant presence at Hogwarts, existing for no reason but to ridicule everyone else. Statler & Waldorf would knock this role out of the park!
“Why do all of the bad guys get their own House?” “Why not? All the bad actors got their own movie!” “DO HO HO HO HO HO HO!”
Sweetums as Hagrid – If you saw the words “Muppet Casting” and “Harry Potter”, and this wasn’t the first thing that came to mind, something is terribly wrong with you.
Those are my picks for a Muppet rendition of Harry Potter. What are yours?