To welcome intrepid Politicados this fine-ish first weekend of September 2018, your unfocused WPT host presents a total of 10 paragraphs on three pressing political topics.1 And, as scattered as this thin gruel of galumphing gadflying gets, it manages to omit any mention of events transpiring beyond U.S. borders such as the Nazi takeover of Saxony, the collapse of the Argentine peso, the final victory of Assad in Syria, and the Canadian withdrawal in spirit for NAFTA renegotiation talks.2
♭♭ We feel the steam as it rises around us
Up from the soil that is cracking its back
Tough is the leather that’s strapped to my skin
Strong are the bonds that we sing ♭♭
— “Musclebound,” Spandau Ballet
What better way to preview Labor Day than to viciously attack labor? It did, after all, take the deadly 1894 Pullman strike to convince Congress and then-president Grover “Roughly the Shape of Ohio” Cleveland to declare the first Monday of the ninth month of each year a 24-hour respite from toil.3
Smash cut to 2018 and watch Donald Trump cancel promised cost-of-living raises to heavily unionized federal civilian employees.4 The Caudillo del Naranja shamelessly cited a lack of funds while both ignoring the reality that his own tax law halted the collection of hundreds of billions in corporate levies and, ludicrously, pitching a second massive tax cut on unearned income.
So Trump, as he never fails to do, created unnecessary problems then proposed the worst possible solution. The money denied actual working folks would not come anywhere near to plugging the massive hole in the U.S. budget. Refusing to bump wages and salaries by just short of the annul rate of inflation does harm millions of Americans whose electoral participation far outpaces that of private sector workers. Welcome to the Resistance, feds.
♪ When I look over my shoulder
What do you think I see?
Some other cat looking over
His shoulder at me
And he’s strange, very very very strange ♪
— “Season of the Witch,” Donovan
Your rambling WPT host considers himself a slightly above averagely intelligent man. His single-digit percentage extra allotment of analytic ability still avails him nothing when it comes time to add an original thought regarding the goddamnable stupidity of characterizing a Mueller investigation that has produced more smoking guns than a nicotine-addicted Remington factory as a “rigged witch hunt.” Uvular does, however, feel reasonably secure in noting that no — or certainly too few — paid interviewers and commentators have asked the following questions of the craven canard-slingers who risibly decry a persecutory prosecution:
- How long would an investigation with truly predetermined outcomes persist? Had Deep State operatives decided long ago to arrest, jail, and do related police-type thing to Trump and his Trumpists, what prevented them from doing so months or years ago? Surely, an effective cabal would have snuffed out Trump’s presidential campaign rather than allowing him to sledgehammer down six or seven load-bearing walls5 of no-cap liberal democracy.
- Do any of the “witch hunt” caterwaulers know the working definition of their rallying cry? Comparing Robert Mueller to Joseph McCarthy would only work if McCarthy had attempted to unmask Soviet sympathizers in Vladivostok.
♫ In spite of all
A million dollars can do
A tackle or two
Will mean more to you ♫
— “You Gotta Be a Football Hero,” Ben Bernie and All the Lads
Once each year, your former college football fanatic of a WPT host spews a couple few hundred words regarding the cultural and physical damage that this particular big-money, high-impact sport does to institutions of higher learning and student-athletes at the largely unsympathetic eyes of Politicados. Skip this section unless you share Uvular’s outlook with his own zealotry of a Sea Org captain.
Uvular first grew squeamish about watching 20-year-olds smash their heads together at 25 mph when a client asked him to write a series of articles about concussions and the long-term effects of repetitive brain trauma. About that same time, his alma mater sent him an email asking for a donation that the athletic department would spend cutting down 400-year-old trees that exist almost nowhere else except on campus so the football team could enjoy a second6 indoor practice facility.
That broke the thrall American football held over Uvular, a man who once, to his lasting shame, told a fellow graduate student at that very school, “I don’t care how many laws the players and coaches break, I’ve spent a hundred thousand dollars in tuition over nine years so they could win me some bowl games.”
Attitudes like that give us Sandusky at Penn State, Jim Jordan at Ohio State, Urban Meyer at Ohio State, Larry Nassar at Michigan State, and the ongoing criminal conspiracy at the nation’s premier Southern Baptist institution of higher learning, Baylor University. Stop the madness. Turn off the television anytime you see a foot meet a ball in the American sense.7
What has you lot worked up this Saturday and Sunday?