The Avocado

Love Languages Discussion

The other week a brief discussion about love languages popped up in the Women+’s thread, and I thought it would be interesting to have a separate discussion on it here. So, discuss your love languages here, or discuss how useful you find or don’t find the concept, or anything in regards to the general idea here.

For background, the love languages is a concept from a 1995 self-help book. Unfortunately, 1. self help books usually suck 2. the people behind it are conservative assholes. However, the central concept has been useful to a lot of people in both romantic relationships and friendships, myself included. The basic ideas it that most people have preferred ways of being shown affection and love, and knowing the love language of those close to you can help you interact with them better. The love languages are:

1. Receiving gifts – This doesn’t just mean being showered with flowers and jewelry, though it can mean that: it can also mean receiving small tokens of affection. An expression of this can be anything from picking up your partner’s favorite ice cream as a surprise to…well, showering them with expensive items, and everything in between.

2. Quality time – This is just what it sounds like: what matters most here is spending time with your loved one, doing shared activities. This can be watching TV on the couch together, going out on regular date nights, having regular friend hangs, anything that involves time spent doing something together.

3. Words of affirmation – As in, directly telling the people you love that you love and appreciate them and why.

4. Acts of service – Using your actions, not your words. People who appreciate acts of service might appreciating you taking the trash out or doing other chores, helping them with a project, always picking them up from the airport, or any other activity which shows you are there and willing to help or make their life easier.

5. Physical touch – This one is pretty self-explanatory: any act of physical touch, whether intimate or not, can be a way to show affection.