Savage Lovecast

Hey there, and welcome to your Savage Lovecast recap and review for the week of March 27.  It continues to be disappointing to see ostensible liberals slut-shaming Stormy Daniels and other sex workers.  This, combined with SESTA/FOSTA passing with bipartisan support, leads me to think that we still have some way to go to make safe sex work a priority on the left wing.

You can listen to this week’s episode here.

Dan calls on the Savage Lovecast ombudsman (himself) to respond to listener complaints.  The first complaint he addresses is that he recommends pot too much.  Dan compares the anti-pot people to monogamists complaining about nonmonogamy.  Pot isn’t for everyone, but he asserts that it can accompany therapy, mindfulness, and whatever else he could recommend for issues.  Next, Dan addresses a complaint that Dan gives shitty advice because the clit is not just the glans, but an entire interior organ.  This is a baseless complaint – Dan has addressed this many times since Dr. Herbenik originally told it to him years ago.  Personally, I would instead complain that Dan rarely pronounces “clitoral” correctly (it rhymes with literal, not oral).  The third complaint is Dan’s willingness to put shock collars on dogs.  Dan defends himself by saying Terry is okay with it.  Dan would rather put shock collars on boyfriends anyway.

On to the calls!  A 40-year-old man has been dating a woman for a while, and she is great in every way.  She is spiritual, he is atheist, but he’s fine with that.  She also believes in conspiracy theories, in particular Pizzagate and anti-vaxxer beliefs.  He would want to have children if they stick together, so this could lead to conflict.  What should he do?  Dan, like the caller, gives spiritualism a pass, because it makes people feel better and Dan can’t ultimately prove them wrong.  But conspiracy theorists?  They’re fucking nuts, and Dan won’t date people who are fucking nuts.  He advises the caller to drop her and let her find other conspiracy fuckwits.

A woman is in a serious relationship with a man, so much so that she is living with him.  He’s into cuckolding, and she has fantasies about it as well, but she is getting cold feet because she’s afraid of how he’ll react when he sees her with another man.  The problem is, they haven’t told each other they love each other.  Would it be safer to try and pursue this fantasy when they are sure they are in live?  Dan says our caller is right to be concerned about fulfilling cuckolding fantasies.  You have to start slow with this kind of thing, starting with flirting with other men in front of him and taking baby steps from there.  As far as the “I love you” goes, just take ecstasy and say it at the same time, for crying out loud.  As an aside, Dan has heard from women who have fulfilled their husbands’ cuckolding fantasies and been slutshamed or otherwise abused by the husband for it.  If that happens, DTMFA.

A 34-year-old straight man doesn’t have trouble getting dates, but is having trouble getting laid.  He’s received advice from his female friends – be more aggressive and objectify women more.  They can’t be right, can they?  Dan points out the studies that have been performed on women’s attraction suggest that women want to be wanted and want men to be overwhelmed with desire for them, messages that seem to contradict the lessons we’re learning from MeToo.  But there’s a line there between lustful and dangerous, between confidence and aggression.  Dan thinks the friends are mislabeling confidence as aggression.  Be self-assured and confident in getting what you want, which is enthusiastic consent.  There is a way to ask the question, while giving her the option to say no, that doesn’t make you look afraid, which is the big turn-off here.

A 29-year-old bi woman is a babygirl in an open relationship with her “daddy.”  The daddy has been playing with another couple, and our caller feels left out, because the couple’s Fetlife profile says they also play with girls.  What gives?  They’re just not into you, says Dan.  Some couples solve this kind of problem by only playing with other couples together, thereby skating past this kind of disloyalty.  Our caller and daddy need to have a conversation about how this makes our caller feel and how they can resolve it.

A woman has recently talked to her wife about opening up their relationship, but her wife is demurring.  Our caller thinks the wife would be into it, if she just opened her mind to it.  Her wife’s main concern is telling her family.  Is this a weird concern?  It would be nice if everyone could come out to their families about their open relationship, Dan says, but there’s no need to do so.  The bigger concern is that this excuse by the wife indicates a fundamental unwillingness to open up.

A gay man has a best friend who keeps buying an older married woman gifts, including an apartment.  The best friend has never asked the woman for sex or for anything else.  It really weirds our caller out.  Should he say something?  This is literally none of your business, Dan says, and I emphatically agree.  Dan then tries to link the bourgeoning sugar baby/findom scene with income inequality, with which I do not emphatically agree.

Two weeks ago, a woman went home and had sex with someone she had had a crush on after a long day of drinking.  Since then, he joked about the drinking, he has refused to go on a date with her, instead opting to be just friends. How can our caller undo everything and make him see her as a potential partner, not just a hookup?  Dan says, first of all, you don’t want to date a guy who would see “willing to go to bed upon meeting” as a dealbreaker, because if that was a mistake, both parties were guilty of it.  If that’s not the issue, then he just doesn’t want to date you, and you probably will never know why.  Move on.

A cis bi woman has a friend who recently transitioned to female.  About a decade ago, while the friend was still male-identified, the friend French-kissed the caller without the caller’s consent.  The friend also spread vicious rumors about the caller.  Now the friend is fully transitioned and posting on Facebook about feminism and trans issues.  Should the caller confront the friend about this?  Dan wonders if the friend is a hypocrite.  The first step is to reach out privately and talk about this action.  If our caller gets a sincere apology, then she can move on.

A man wonders if the madonna/whore complex exists in the gay world, citing his own experience coming off a six-year relationship.  Dan says there are plenty of gay relationships where one or both partners get companionship with each other but sex outside the relationship.  If that’s how you function, Dan says, go for that in your next relationship.  Is this a damaging example of a complex?  It isn’t damaging, Dan argues, if you fold it into your relationship in a constructive way and are honest about it up front.

A 21-year-old man was recently diagnosed with herpes.  Is it morally okay to pursue one-night stands at this point?  Also, his penis is curving more, getting to about 20% curvature, which is concerning him.  Dan is joined by a urologist, Dr. Stephen King, to help answer these.  Dan and Dr. King both agree that the caller can pursue casual sex if he discloses, and Dan reiterates how common herpes is and how for most people it isn’t a big deal at all.  Secondly, herpes does not bend dicks.  Dr. King is not concerned about the curvature and suggests that the caller is a little freaked out by the herpes diagnosis and is examining his own junk more.  Peyronie’s disease is mentioned and dismissed as a possibility (if the erection is functional and not painful, it’s fine).  Our caller should still be able to have a long, healthy, and happy sex life.

Dr. King stays on for another call.  A bi woman’s boyfriend has ED.  He can be soft and come hard, he can be hard and not come, he can take a long time to get an erection, and he basically has no feeling in his penis.  Recently, our caller discovered some nerve bundles at the very base of his dick, and if she rubs it like a clit, the boyfriend comes.  Is this normal?  Dan’s never heard of this, and neither has Dr. King.  Dr. King imagines that there are some abnormal nerve pathways going on now, and wonders about the rest of the anatomy.  Dr. King reminds us that all of us, even males, find pleasure from different stimulations.

A 24-year-old man likes pot, and he likes smoking pot with and without his girlfriend of six months.  His family (he apparently still lives with his parents) has caught him with pot on multiple occasions, and now they see him as the black sheep.  How should he handle this?  Dan points out that our caller left out a few details about his situation.  If he’s lying around in the parents’ basement getting stoned all day, his parents are going to see pot as a bad thing, as they should.  If our caller has his shit together, then it’s a cultural and generational divide.  Be more discrete about the pot use until you leave the nest.

Caller feedback!  Dogs humping other dogs is not a sex behavior, but a dominance behavior – get to a dog trainer.  Rescue dogs might want to be out of the room if there is spanking or loud noises.  You’re not a dog parent, because kids are not the same as dogs.  Why are people asking Dan about dogs? He doesn’t like them!

Thanks for reading.

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