Hey there, and welcome to your Savage Lovecast recap and review for the week of March 13. If I were better at this, I would tie everything into a March Madness-style bracket somehow. But you’re stuck with this, so let’s get right to it.
You can listen to this week’s episode here.
Dan’s opening rant contemplates the differences between the attention focused on Melania Trump for Donald’s sexual assault allegations and the attention focused on Hillary Clinton during her husband’s scandal. Dan thinks that, all things considered, Melania is pleased that some other porn star or other woman took the dick bullet for her all those times, but she can’t say that. Sooner or later, we are going to see Trump’s dick pics, and it won’t be the last time we see the president’s nude pics, because everyone has them now floating around somewhere. Dan thinks we need to get to the point where we regard politicians owning up to their sexting like the way we regard politicians admitting to smoking pot – totally normal and something everyone does. I don’t want to come off as a contrarian, because I think Dan is right, but I would hope that Dan would understand that just because it worked for Obama doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. Dan also imagines that the release of Trump’s dick pic could hasten the time where it’s acceptable for everyone running for office to have one, because of the gymnastics that Fox News and co. would have to do to justify it, and my eyes have rolled out of my head and onto the floor. Didn’t Dan say just a few weeks ago that nothing good is going to come of this administration, and to stop looking for silver linings?
On to the calls! A 20-something straight woman is in an amazing relationship with her straight boyfriend. She is jealous, which she is trying to work on, but she is bothered by her hot boyfriend’s past experience. Recently, the boyfriend told our caller that an ex texted him out of the blue on Snapchat to say, basically, “If you weren’t in a relationship, I’d love to have you and my boyfriend double penetrate me.” Why would she do this? Why would the boyfriend tell her this? Dan, as the possessor of a hot significant other, advises the caller to stop wasting time being jealous that other people want to bone your hot partner. And that’s what this is, Dan says; somebody hit on your hot boyfriend, and you can’t freak out about it. Instead of being jealous, be proud – everyone wants to fuck your hot boyfriend, but you get to fuck your hot boyfriend. Don’t punish him for the behavior of his ex that is outside his control.
A man has been married to his wife for ten years. The one issue is that his wife hates his come, to the point that it turns him off. “Don’t get it on the sheets!” she’ll say as he’s about to come. He copes by having a towel on hand that he directs his come in, but he’s frustrated. What can he do? Dan suggests asking her how she would feel if he treated her vaginal secretions as if they were toxic when she was turned on. Dan thinks the caller has a right to tell his wife to get over it. At least, she needs to meet him halfway and not remind him where to come when he’s getting close. If Dan were told right before he came not to get it on the sheets, Dan would aim his spunk all over the sheets, and the pillowcases too.
A 28-year-old bi woman is in love with a guy who lives in a city she hates. She’s been trying to date in her city, the city she loves, but she can’t get over this guy, who might be the one. She doesn’t have a job tying her to either place, but her friends are in the city she loves. Should be go for love, or stay? Dan understands hating a city – he hates Tucson, Arizona, because his mother died there, and he has not returned there since. But you can create new memories in a place that can erase the old bad, even traumatic, ones. And Dan encourages our caller to do just that and move to the guy’s city. She can also ask him to move to her. But even though there is no “the one”, the 0.73s we come across are rare enough that we shouldn’t toss them aside.
A caller wants to know what the word is for someone in a monogamous relationship who is open about their attraction to other people. These are called “people.” If being in love meant you never found anyone else attractive, then we wouldn’t need monogamous commitments.
A 46-year-old straight woman is recently out of a 14-year loveless marriage. Since the end of the marriage, she has been hooking up with a guy. With this new guy, she, for the first time, had an orgasm through vaginal penetration with no direct clit stimulation. It happened twice in a 24 hour period, but it hasn’t happened again. However, sex has changed since then, and everything is mind-blowing. Our caller describes it as the most satisfying scratch ever. What happened? Dan calls back to confirm the details. To Dan, it’s obvious – sex with someone who is into you and who you’re into is fundamentally different than going through the motions sex. She now associates this guy with an increased orgasmic capability. Dan and the caller commiserate on the advantages of sex from being in your 40s and 50s, including the increased willingness to advocate to get what you actually want.
A mid-40s straight guy has been married to his wife for 20-plus years and has teenage children. His wife has recently determined that she is a lesbian. They have agreed to have a companionate marriage until the kids leave the house. Our caller is going out of town for a month for work, and would like to get laid, but how people do that nowadays? Old people, says Dan, also use the apps like the kids. Dan suggests being honest in the bio and in what you’re looking for. Our caller might want to look for someone in a similar circumstance to himself. Also don’t forget about the “old-fashioned” ways to meet people, such as hotel bars.
Erika Moen is on to talk about her sex toy recommendation. This time, she recommends the Pierre, by New York Toy Collective. This is a soft packer, which is a soft silicone dildo for a strap-on, when you want to wear a cock but don’t need to have a boner. Why would someone wear a soft cock? This could be for trans men or genderqueer folks, but Erika likes to wear it because it feels nice and gives her a swagger. It comes in a variety of colors.
A 28-year-old woman got married to her husband last year. They’ve had a few experiences with couples in their relationship and he gave her the freedom to pursue other women. However, when they got married, our caller announced that that portion of their sex life was over and she wants to be monogamous with him. Her husband agreed to this. Last weekend, the husband did drugs at a party and made out with another woman. What does our caller do now? The caller confusingly started to blame herself at the end of the call, saying she might not have been clear enough, which leaves Dan in a bind. Did they agree to be monogamous or not? Dan’s rule of thumb is that defining marriage as the end of sexual adventure is a bad idea. It’s time to have that difficult conversation: is the husband’s action the result of buyer’s remorse? Did he want to self-destruct the marriage to have sexual adventures again? Or is this a mistake, one that he can be sorry for and that they can work through together? Dan thinks that this is forgivable. If it is, to get back on the same page, the couple may need to find some sense of sexual adventure that works for them – maybe fucking around other people?
A 36-year-old straight, mostly happy, man has been married for 12 years. Last year, his wife was hanging with some friends when another woman came over. The wife and this woman got flirty, came back to the house, drank and smoke pot, put on lingerie and made out. The other woman eventually got uncomfortable and left. The wife told our caller about this the next day, and they had the best sex of their lives. Our caller has been proactive in trying to recreate this, but the wife now sees this as a mistake. Dan feels a bit sorry for the other woman, and thinks that the discomfort was the result of a mistake of some kind. The reaction of the caller to the wife is pretty cliché. The caller is hounding the wife about it at this point, and that’s where he’s running into trouble. Dan suggests the caller go to the wife one last time. Say that he wants her to explore that part of herself, and he doesn’t have to be there, and he’s not doing this so he can fuck other women. This is about her. Bring up the great sex they had in the aftermath. Say that he gives consent if and when she wants to do that again.
A “very not-flaming guy” recently came out to his friends and family after coming out to himself a couple years ago. He feels really awkward about going to clubs and meeting guys because he isn’t stereotypically gay and can pass for straight. What does he do about this? Dan brings up Olympic freestyle skier Gus Kenworthy, who is out but could certainly pass. Both Kenworthy and Adam Rippon have their fan clubs. There are guys who want your dick because you are more masc-y, as long as it’s your authentic self.
A woman has been with her boyfriend for a year. He has suggested buying a $2,000 sex doll. She likes toys, and has no problem with fleshlights, but she is squicked out about this. He’s trying to sell her on the contortions it can do (he’s in art school, so this is better than a manikin for some art purposes). What should she do? Dan idly wonders how the coming sex robots are going to make the robot-fuckers’ significant others feel. As for this caller, Dan theorizes that a sex doll is creepy for her because her boyfriend would be fucking something that looks like a human but has no agency. Does the boyfriend actually want the caller to be something with agency? Dan would also find that unnerving. A very special guest star, sure, but a sex doll? Dan wouldn’t want that in his house.
A 28-year-old woman has been with her husband for eight years, married for one. Prior to being with her husband, our caller had never had vaginal intercourse, but she gave plenty of oral, which she loves. She still gives plenty of oral, but never to completion. He would rather have vaginal intercourse and doesn’t want to degrade her. She really wants him to come in her mouth or on her, but he pulls away whenever he’s getting close. Should she just confine this to the spank bank? Dan suggests that she ask him if he’s ever come in someone’s mouth before – is this something he can do with someone he doesn’t respect? If so, this could be the Madonna-whore complex, and they will have to process that he can come in her mouth and still respect her and love her. If not, he might not like blowjobs that much, or he just finds it difficult to come from them. And if he has an issue with coming on her, maybe they can play around and encourage him to come on himself, to get him comfortable with come on skin.
Caller feedback! Sometimes leaving your face very still during kissing is extremely arousing. One of the ways to process infertility and miscarriages is to realize how many other people are struggling with the same issue and get to a support group. Australia enacted its strict gun control laws after only one mass shooting.
Thanks for reading.
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