Ash vs. Evil Dead S3, E2: Booth Three

We gotta do that thing, what’s it called? Like when you’re driving in a car, putting on deodorant, and trying to drink a beer at the same time.

This week’s cold open has Ruby swerving in her car in the middle of a rainy night, cursing the seed she’s impregnated herself with. She crashes the car into a ditch, much to the horror of a couple of hitchhikers. The male hitchhiker approaches the car and sees a disemboweled Ruby, and then a baby, which he picks up, and who then promptly grows razor sharp teeth and then attacks him. Ruby chews through the umbilical cord like any good mom and kills the hitchhiker, as his horrified girlfriend looks on.

Brandy has been staying at Ash’s house since the events of last episode, in Cheryl’s old room. She is, understandably, quite disturbed by everything that’s going on. And she really doesn’t care that Ash is one of those “cool dads you see in the movies” that would let her stay in bed all day if she wants to. She wants to get to school to see her guidance counselor, Miss Previtt.

In the meantime, Pablo is still pretty damn sore about Kelly’s absence from their lives since we last saw them, and he is skeptical of Dalton. (Me too, Pablo. Me too.) But Dalton said evil has taken many forms over the years, but whether it’s in war or famine or pestilence, it’s all rooted back to the master demons they call “The Dark Ones”. At one point, the most ruthless betrayed the others and cast them from our world, the Demon Woman of Fire. So his ancestors stole the Necronomicon, the source of their power, but one of his ancestors got seduced by the power and her soul is now bound in the book. So he and his group need to protect the prophesized one. Still, I’m with Pablo here, I don’t trust him.

Ash has a sweet father/daughter drive to school, telling Brandy about his wedding night with her mom and how even after she puked on the dashboard, she was gearing up for round two of some hot sex. It turns out when she gets to school, this Miss Previtt Brandy needed to see so badly? Ruby. Of course it’s Ruby. She is selling Brandy on the idea that her father is an evil psychopath, and then saying after she leaves that she needs to get rid of Ash’s seed.

About that seed. Ash found it important to go to the sperm bank in case there are any other Brandys out there, because he’s been supporting their business for so long. After sweet talking Marci the receptionist into a huge HIPAA violation with a sweet 30% off coupon to Ashy Slashy’s, he decides to make another deposit after eyeing the porn they have in stock. The shit, and spooge, quickly hits the fan though. The lights begin to flicker, and while Mrs. Lam, a cryobank employee, is looking at vials of Ash’s prior deposits, she turns Deadite. While getting ready to jerk it in booth three, the woman in the magazine starts talking back to him, and then her arm reaches out and starts to choke him. Ash sees Marci’s head go through the wall, and Deadite Mrs. Lam starts throwing vials of semen at him while the woman from the magazine’s arm is inching her way across the floor in the slime. Ash takes care of Deadite Mrs. Lam with some liquid nitrogen and then bashing her head in with the canister, but then the magazine arm grabs his balls. He smashes her into a drawer, chopping her hand off, and clutching his testicles in pain.

Pablo isn’t faring so hot either. He’s still getting pain from the Necronomicon writing on his body, Ash’s lizard is talking to him, and his uncle the brujo sent a spirit to tell him that he’s in grave danger and he cannot reject his destiny again. Just as he is asking what he’s supposed to do, Kelly and Dalton show up, the spirit disappears, and Dalton tells Kelly that Pablo’s soul is in danger and he’s going to turn demon. Fuck you, Dalton, I already thought we lost Pablo once, we better not lose him for real.

At the end of the episode, Ash reconnects with the Ghost Beaters and tells them they need to protect his seed, both born and unborn, no matter how much he sucks as a father. And then we have Ruby, who has a mobile of various human appendages hanging above her demon spawn’s crib, and the reveal that she’s kept the other hitchhiker alive, but just for now. The baby will get hungry, after all.