It’s time for another round of Muppet Casting, where we take a famous movie and ask, if Jim Henson’s Muppets made their own version of it (in the vein of The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island), which Muppets would you cast in the lead roles?
This week, it’s Goldfinger (he’s the man, the man with the Midas touch)!
Kermit the Frog as Bond Jamesbond – A lot of times in these Muppet Castings, I’ll talk about how a certain Muppet would be perfect for a role, or how I couldn’t see any other Muppet doing the part justice. This is not one of those times. I’ve cast Kermit in the role of James Bond because Bond is the lead hero of the picture, and Kermit is usually the lead hero of Muppet productions. That’s about it. I don’t think he’s a bad fit for Bond, but Bond is a flat enough character that plenty of other Muppets could do the part just as well.
Statler & Waldorf as M&M – Bond’s superior(s) who is/are generally unamused with Bond’s antics. Statler & Waldorf are far more loud and passionate with their ridicule than the very reserved M, but I think they’d get into the spirit of the role quite well. I considered Sam the Eagle for the part, but I think he’d flatly refuse to portray a non-American government official.
Scooter as Miss Pennycandy – Or Skeeter, if you want to dip into Muppet Babies for a character. While Scooter was technically a stage manager rather than an assistant on The Muppet Show, it often amounted to a very similar role, so slotting him into Moneypenny’s assistant role seems obvious.
Bunsen & Beaker as Q & U – The purveyor of all Bond’s gadgets has gotta be Bunsen, and you have to stick Beaker in as a hapless assistant that all the dangerous spy gadgets are practiced on.
Fozzie Bear as Felix Lighter – Since Kermit is Bond, Fozzie seems like a good choice to play Bond’s best (only?) friend, CIA Agent Felix Leiter. Plus, after stating that his full name is “Felix Lighter”, he’d prod Kermit, saying, “Ask me, ‘Lighter than what?’” Kermit, groaning a little, would dutifully ask, “All right, Lighter than what?” Cue Fozzie: “Why, put her out! You just lit her on fire! Eh? Ehhhh?”
Gonzo the Great as Goldfeather – Goldfinger is a man who loves elaborate presentations of his criminal schemes. Tying Bond to a table and having a laser beam inch up towards his crotch, just to show what his new toy can do. Or building a scale replica of Fort Knox to help explain how he plans to rob it, even though he’s just going to kill all the people he’s showing it to, anyway. I think Gonzo the crazed “performance artist” would find a kindred spirit in the character. Plus, with Gonzo as the villain, you can have chickens playing all the anonymous henchmen.
Miss Piggy as Piggy Galore – Just for the name alone, this casting choice had to happen. The fact that Miss Piggy is a good personality fit for Pussy Galore, especially when Kermit’s playing Bond, just sweetens the deal.
The Swedish Chef as Ödd Jjöb – Odd Job is the big, silent minion famous for using his hat as a throwing weapon. I just think it would be a terrific gag to have the Swedish Chef do the same thing, only instead throwing a nice, sleek bowler, he throws his giant, poofy chef’s hat at people. And it’s inexplicably just as deadly and effective.
Those are my picks for a Muppet rendition of Goldfinger. What are yours?