As we start out in this new season, it seems like things are back to normal in Elk Grove. Well, not necessarily normal, but at least a little peaceful. Ash is running a hardware/dildo store; Pablo has a little fish and chip cart outside the store, and Kelly is working at a bar, beating the crap out of patrons who eat the pretzels without paying.
Things are going swimmingly until a young woman who found the Necronomicon brings it to an “Antiques Roadshow” type show that is conveniently airing live to be appraised. Which of course, the dealer reads from, and it unleashes all kinds of evil back into the world. Kelly sees this happen live on TV and tries to get in contact with Ash. Ash gets pissed when the signal on the TV goes out because he still had a couple more commercials set to air. And of course Evil Ruby is back, tries to get the antiques dealer to hand over the Necronomicon, and then destroys him when he refuses. She wants to try her hand at demon spawning again. Should be a piece of cake, right?
Pablo starts feeling intense pain all over his body and notices the Necronomicon writing on his abdomen, so he abandons his cart and notifies Ash that something fucky’s abrewing. Meanwhile, Candy Barr, a woman who says that she’s Ash’s wife confronts him at the hardware store, to take him to task because one of his evil monsters just attacked their daughter at her high school. (But Ash can’t have a daughter, he always uses protection! That lucky condom served him well all of those years!)
So off to the high school we go. Two teenagers, Brandy and Rachel, had been there after school as punishment cleaning off the really awesome dick graffiti they drew on the lockers, and then Cougie the mascot attacked them. When Ash, Pablo and Candy show up, they look for the girls and find them hidden in the music room. Rachel, unfortunately, has been turned into a deadite, and is attacking the shit out of everyone. Ash’s reunion with his forgotten quickie wife was short lived, as Deadite Rachel beheads her with a cymbal. The whole music room brawl is pretty sweet and campy, what with Ash’s head being used as a snare drum and drumsticks being jabbed in his ear and eye. Ash finally takes care of Deadite Rachel by pushing a harp on her and slicing her head into pieces.
Then as they’re going to leave, out comes Cougie for round two of the fight. When things were looking slightly bleak, Kelly comes in to save the day, shooting an aerosol can that had been tossed in Cougie’s mouth with a shotgun. And she brought along a friend named Dalton, a member of the Knights of Sumeria, this ancient group that exists to combat evil. He’s a bit of an Ash fanboy since he’s the prophesized one or some such. Last year, slightly redeemed original Ruby told Kelly to forge her own way, but really, I prefer having her with the Ghost Beaters. And if this Dalton is worth a damn, the team could be stronger than ever. And who knows, after what just happened to her mother, perhaps Brandy will want in on the action too.