Look, what am I supposed to add here? I could write jokes, but this PSA has kind of already done that for me. It’s the late professional wrestler Captain Lou Albano dressed up in his Super Mario costume from The Super Mario Bros. Super Show warning kids of the dangers of drugs in the most terrifying way he can possibly word it without getting himself arrested, before ending the message on an abruptly polite note.

Anyway, if you want to go to Hell before you die, go see The Super Mario Galaxy Movie in theaters. It is truly worse than Hell. There. Now I’ve achieved the status of “professional” critic. I’ll see you guys over at Rotten Tomatoes.

What you mean this shit made it to Redbubble?

Have a super day, y’all! Also, I need this shirt now.