Fox McCloud is in The Super Mario Galaxy Movie. I haven’t seen it yet, so I’m going to assume it’s just a cameo. Or maybe he’s actually the star. A star fox, if you will. Maybe Mario is killed early on and it’s really The Fox McCloud Movie. I’ll let you know once I watch the film.

This “surprise” appearance has gotten everyone talking about Star Fox. And by “everyone” I mean “nerds and also probably furries,” while the rest of us have to frantically Google his name because someone has to explain who the “astronaut fox” is to mom when she asks you loudly who he is during the movie in a crowded theater. And what better way to begin such important “research” than by watching this original TV commercial for the 1993 SNES game. At least I think it’s a TV commercial. I’m not entirely sure if this specific version aired in America or not. But I picked this one since I like the announcer’s surreally imposing voice. It lets you know Star Fox isn’t a game that fucks around!

Now there are two major takeaways here. One, if I buy this game, I will in fact turn into an actual fox (meaning if this ad were made today, it would 100% be interpreted as deliberate marketing to the Furry Community). But the real emphasis here is HOW FUCKING HARDCORE MOTHERFUCKING STAR FOX IS, MOTHERFUCKERS!!! And the reason for this is the console wars of old, as this entire commercial is one giant Super FX Microchip-powered middle finger directed towards Sega.

You see, if you’re too young to remember when people treated picking which video game system they purchased like choosing a side during the Civil War, Sega had a slogan back in the day which was repeated ad-nauseum: “THE NEXT LEVEL!” It was “WELCOME TO THE NEXT LEVEL!” Or “POWER THE NEXT LEVEL!” And “FUCK YEAH, THE NEXT LEVEL!” This was all centered around Sega’s so-called “blast processing,” and kids had no idea what that actually meant, and most likely still don’t now that they’re adults. But it didn’t matter. It sounded cool. So when Nintendo defiantly advertised “why go to THE NEXT LEVEL when you can go LIGHTYEARS beyond?”, they knew exactly what they were doing.

Have a foxy day, y’all!