♫ And if you try to call me, you have reached the Minestrone Zone
Leave a message at the beep and get used to the dial tone
Self-exile in the kitchen ‘til I cook the perfect pot
I put the veggies in my belly and I serve it steamin’ hot ♫
Songs about soup 1 drop the needle on a brief rumination2 on food for poor people.
Your interim WPT header host3 uses the loaded phrase advisedly while paraphrasing Martin Bally, Campbell’s former vice president of information technology.
Bally got his stupid ass sued, suspended, and fired for spending more than an hour during a business meeting shouting stupid-ass4 things about fellow employees of the company best known for producing canned soups, Campbell’s products, and, most inflammatorily, purchasers of “shit for poor fucking people.”5
Perhaps wealthy individuals consume consommés, nosh noodle soups, and Bogart bisques. Would that matter? Absolutely not. Especially since even billionaires falling prey to farcical foofaraws that force them into the aisles of an Albertson’s would appreciate a four for $3 sale on cans of cream of mushroom.
Ensuring access to alimentation remains affordable befits a functioning society. For that reason, grocery runs proving beyond the means of a growing number of Americans calls the question of whether the United States has tumbled off the cliff of becoming a failed state.
Requests from and visits to food banks neared or exceeded all-time highs this fall in the wake of persistent inflation, long-term un- and underemployment, insufficient health care coupled with medical debt, and SNAP (nee “food stamps”) benefit and federal/military pay disruptions. By malign design, feeding charities cannot keep up. Recall how, when ordered by federal courts during the federal government shutdown to resume feeding hungry people, Trump officials responded, “Sure. Into what?”
Choking off supplies of comestibles commenced early in Trump’s second6 term. Per ProPublica:
In the spring [of 2025], the Trump administration abruptly cut $500 million in deliveries from a program that sends U.S.-produced meat, dairy, eggs and produce to food banks and other organizations across the country—about a quarter of the funding the program received in 2024. The items that were delivered through The Emergency Food Assistance Program were some of the healthiest, most expensive items that organizations distribute.
“Fuck them poors,” U.S. Department of Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins thought in Uvular’s. “Farmers and the combine harvesters they drove in on, too.”
More likely, the longtime radical rightwing policy wonk who informs interviewers of her commitment to living by Biblical precepts invoked 2 Thessalonians 3:10. That verse, written by a first century evangelist in direct contraction of every declaration Jesus purportedly made about sharing food, states, “For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.” (NIV)
Most adult recipients of Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program benefits hold jobs. Rules require this. Rule makers tighten those requirements regularly. Because would economically struggling individuals improve their lots in life if they endured capitalism-inflicted injuries without getting insulted?
Of course they would. Call Uvular a soft-headed, pinko commie, but he believes even poor fucking people should eat. Plus, your caretaker header host’s own physical bearing places on him a moral imperative to ensure no one suffers food insecurity. A man so wholly committed to the character of overweight American that he gained a few pounds after adopting a mostly vegan diet typed out this harangue.7
So, do like Uvular. Donate money or services to your local foodbank. Only vote for politicians who actively support and fully fund feeding programs. Call Brooke Rollins and every other Trump handler, enabler, and appointee a fucking fuck. Enjoy posting in the comments.
You must be logged in to post a comment.