I’m relatively new to The Avocado and just last week became a publisher, so I’m publishing this to test my skills. I’ve enjoyed the Let’s Read Old Magazines feature and since I was an avid reader of Sports Illustrated as kid I thought it’d be good to give it a try, so with Future Ex-Mrs. Malcolm’s permission I bring you this.I was born in ’87 and so most of the SIs I’ve read were from the late ’90s and early ’00s, but I was intrigued by this one:
The NFL in the year 2000! Coincidentally, that’s the year I first read it. I was intrigued because I love both sports and sci-fi, two things that don’t normally go together. We’ll get to that later, but some other things first.
I think the timing of this issue is interesting because it happened just before what I think of as arguably the dawn of the modern era of North American sports. ESPN went on the air on September 7, 1979, and the NHL and NBA both started their seasons just over a month later, both with big changes. The NHL added 4 teams from the defunct WHA, and one of the players making the jump between leagues was none other than Wayne Gretzky. Meanwhile, the NBA had not one but two all-time-greats make their debuts in Magic and Bird, and it also adopted the 3-point shot. The NFL’s big changes came the previous year, when they expanded the schedule from 14 to 16 games and made big rule changes that bolstered the passing game. One change in ’79 that had big implications down the line was the very humble origins of a dynasty, but we’ll get to that later.
To begin, here’s a LETTER FROM THE PUBLISHER:
In “people used to look older” facts: the guy on the left is 28!
Here’s an interesting 4-page stretch:
Yes, that’s Fred Willard. The other guy is comedian Norm Crosby. Here’s a TV version of the add, with Fred giving an extremely Fred Willard performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzYDhayT4p4
“Knight had made himself a villain to Puerto Ricans in July by repeatedly disparaging them and their island,….” I guess bashing Puerto Rico is an evergreen pastime for angry white dudes.
This was a widely disseminated ad campaign by Chrysler begging for a bailout, which apparently worked.
Anyway, on to the good stuff:
Now that is some hardcore retrofuturist shit.
Byron Donzis died in 2012, and apparently left quite a legacy: https://www.chron.com/sports/texans/article/inventor-of-flak-jacket-donzis-leaves-lasting-2452806.php
As is normal for a preview issue, SI gives scouting reports for all NFL teams. They even give predictions for each team’s record, although they don’t bother predicting the postseason. The predictions were mostly pretty good. Of the 6 division winners the only one they got wrong was the NFL Central, which they predicted would be Chicago but the Bears lost a first-place tiebreaker to Tampa Bay. The Buccaneers were that year’s surprise team, and they were the only team to beat SI’s prediction by 4 games. Cincinnati and Detroit were SI’s worst predictions, though, falling 5 wins short of predicted. One comment I didn’t care for was the assertion that my hometown Seahawks had the NFL’s ugliest uniforms. Bullshit! Those original Seahawks jerseys were awesome!
The team scouting report I think is the most interesting in retrospect is also the last:
Even with the additions of Joe Montana and Bill Walsh the 49ers not only didn’t double their victory total, they finished with the exact same 2-14 record as the year before. However, two years later they won their first of 5 Super Bowls in a 14-year period.
Yes, OJ did finish his career that year with them. Being only semi-knowledgeable about him I didn’t know about the death of his daughter(named Aaren). Google reveals she and the rest of OJ’s children were with his ex-wife Marguerite and Aaren drowned in a pool. Supposedly OJ blamed Marguerite for OJ’s death.
Side note: another player who ended his NFL career that year with the 49ers was Al “You know who I am, goddamnit!” Cowlings, driver of the most-watched car ride in history.
There’s plenty more in the issue, including a 2-page article by Arthur Ashe about his most recent heart attack. Here’s the link: https://archive.org/details/Sports-Illustrated-1979-09-03/page/n71/mode/2up
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