Every year Susan organizes a birthday camping trip. She’s dated, and broken up with, all of her friends. Yet they somehow still show up. This time things go wrong. A killer is picking the women off, one by one. Is there a monster in the woods? Or did one of her exes snap? 2004’s Hellbent has been called the first openly queer slasher. The lesser known Make a Wish beat it by two years. The actors are green, the effects are low budget, and the film runs 20 minutes longer than it needs to. But I enjoyed the Agatha Christie elements and the twist ending. It was worth tracking down for Halloween season.

Read more in my spoiler filled recap.

Act One: A Birthday Tradition

Prologue: The Woods at Night
FIRST KILL: It sure is dangerous driving in the woods at night. Where is that camp site? Oops. I popped a tire.
(A KILLER strangles her with her tire iron.)

Scene One: Parking Lot
RICH: I hate the outdoors. Why are we going camping with your ex?
SPORTY: We always go camping on Susan’s birthday. It’s tradition.
BISEXUAL: Even though we all cheated on her.
WICCAN: She cheated on me.
VEGAN: We’ll be fine. It’s not like we’re in a horror movie.
SUSAN: Welcome friends! You’ll die when you see the camp site!
CROSSBOW HUNTER: You ladies want some company?
SUSAN: No men allowed.
(The women drive into the woods. A Police Man follows them.)

Act Two: Dangerous Woods

Scene Two: Camp Site
SPORTY: Where’s First Kill? She should be here by now.
SUSAN: I’ve brought tents, a blowtorch, rope, a knife and a candlestick. Everything we need!
VEGAN: There’s nothing I can eat here. I’m biking back to town.
SUSAN: Don’t go alone.
VEGAN: Relax. They wouldn’t kill the only black person in the film.
(The Killer cuts Vegan’s throat with a knife.)
HIMBO: I’m here to check on my Bisexual girlfriend.
(The Killer lights Himbo on fire with a blow torch.)

Scene Three: Hillside Hike
SUSAN: It’s my birthday and I want to hike.
RICH: I hate hiking. I’m going back to camp.
(The Killer shoots Rich with a cross bow.)
SPORTY: Where’d my Rich girlfriend go?
BISEXUAL: Who cares? Let’s have sex.
(They have sex. The killer stabs Sporty with a tent spike and drowns Bisexual in a lake.)

Scene Four: Campsite
SUSAN: Where is everyone?
WICCAN: Why did you dump me? Your exes treated you like trash. I’m the only one who cared!
SUSAN: I’m sorry.
WICCAN: AAAHHH! IT’S OUR FRIENDS DEAD BODIES!
SUSAN: It was that hunter! We have to get out of here! Take my gun.
WICCAN: I can’t fire a gun! I’m a helpless damsel! Oops! I twisted my ankle.
(The Killer starts to strangle Wiccan. Then lets her go.)
SUSAN: Wiccan? Where are you?
CROSSBOW HUNTER: You ladies all right?
(Susan shoots the Crossbow Hunter with her gun.)
SUSAN: No men allowed. HA HA HA!

Act Three: Surprises  

Scene Five: Camp Site
POLICE MAN: Susan? Your family sent me to take you back.
SUSAN: They aren’t locking me up again.
POLICE MAN: They just don’t want you hurting people.
SUSAN: I only hurt cheaters, liars and men. I spared Wiccan.
(A fight. Susan attacks the Police Man with a crossbow. Then a machete. He escapes. Just when he thinks he’s safe, she hits him with her car.)
SUSAN: I get what I want on my birthday. HA HA HA!

Epilogue
SUSAN: Any more plot twists?
(Rich Girl, Vegan, Sporty and Bisexual pull up in a jeep.)
SPORTY: Happy birthday! Sorry, we’re late. Wiccan couldn’t come.
SUSAN: Probably for the best. I’ve planned us a killer weekend! HA HA HA!

THE END

Careful What You Wish For

Traditional slashers often punish their characters for promiscuity. It’s to Make a Wish’s credit that this doesn’t read as homophobic. Merely a warning not to date within your friend group. The hunter and policeman are decent red herrings. But each of these women have motive and opportunity. When Susan is unmasked the actress, Moynan King, gives a delightful performance. She has an intimidating manner and a memorable maniacal laugh. Did Susan murder anyone? If yes, will she get away with it? This isn’t the first time a final girl turned out to be the killer. It’s still a fun twist.

Make a Wish has been called Friday the XIII meets The L Word. That’s as good a summary as any. The film isn’t currently streaming. I tracked down a DVD. You can read more of my reviews on The Avocado, Letterboxd and Serializd. My podcast, Rainbow Colored Glasses, can be found here.