TV

Ranger Ranker! #11 – Power Rangers Wild Force

The One Where All the Red Rangers Come Back (Except Rocky)

Time for another installment of Ranger Ranker! Time to celebrate the solstice by getting nice and cozy and watching a bunch of early1 CGI animals glom together to form a big robot. Just as Saturn intended.

Let’s Talk About CGI

Giant robots are cool. This is, of course, a given. But confoundingly, giant robots are also very difficult to make. Sure, you can use scale models or fancy prop suits and camera trickery to make movie magic, or failing that, you can go out and buy toys of your own show and use those as scale models in a pinch, but in the end, it’s all fakey fake fake fake. But what if you could use the magic of COMPUTERS to GENERATE some kind of IMAGES that were somehow less fake despite actually being entirely fake? Now you’re hypothetically talking. So it is that in this season, all of the Zords are rendered in high-tech CGI! Or at least, mostly, they are – the Megazord fights are still “real” as well as some of the close-ups. But all of the intro scenes for the Zords, and the combination scenes, and the occasional scene where the Zords roar and their faces go kinda stretchy because it’s 2002 and that’s just the state that CGI is at that point: pure CGI wizardry. And it’s fine, I guess. Technology marches forwards. CGI is way cheaper and more flexible than practical effects and it lets you get away with less carefully engineered Zord mechanics I guess but it’s hard not to feel like it takes away some of the magic. 

Like I said, the Megazord fights themselves are still practical, preserving the weightyness and impact that comes with that, but it’s only a matter of time from here until those go full CGI too, and there’s a sense of loss that comes with that. On the other hand though, it does mean that we never have to stare at the horrible visage of the Cat Galactabeast ever again, and the CGI has advanced significantly since the CGI Ninjazords of Power Rangers: the Movie. Surely future Power Rangers can keep the spirit of the practical Zord suits alive and we’ll never have to live through some kind of weird gooey liquid-metal monster fighting a gross muscley mishmash of glowing multicolored scrap metal, right? Right?

Crap.

Anyway, let’s get things going because we’ve got THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF VENGEANCE to unpack in:

Adaptation

Power Rangers Wild Force is an adaptation of the Super Sentai series, Hyakujuu Sentai Gaoranger, and like Power Rangers Time Force and Timeranger, Wild Force is a very close adaptation of its source series. Partway through the production of Wild Force, the Power Rangers franchise would be sold to Disney.2 As a result, the first half of the season aired on Fox as part of Fox Kids, and the second half aired on Disney’s ABC Kids Saturday morning block. This results in a couple minor shifts in the plot of the show, most notably that originally Cole’s parents would have turned out to survive their Death By Origin Story, as Fox had supposedly demanded of the writers.3 The other major ramifications of this wouldn’t be seen until next season, Power Rangers Ninja Storm, but it did mean that there was a very real chance that there wouldn’t even be another season at the time. Fortunately this turned out not to be the case, but that’s a story for another time.

Plot

In an interesting twist, Power Rangers Wild Force starts out with most of the team already assembled. Taylor, Alyssa, Max, and Danny are already a functional Ranger team when faux-Tarzan Cole canoes his way from the Amazon to Turtle Cove4 and is selected by the Red Lion Crystal to become a protector of the Earth. Conveniently, the Crystal also makes him the leader of the team, which sucks for Taylor, who is the current leader and also way more qualified, what with having all the experience and a military background as opposed to growing up in The Amazon.

It turns out that Cole’s arrival is fortuitous, because it coincides with the rise of Master Org, an evil spirit of pollution who menaced the world 3000 years ago and caused the downfall of the fantasy kingdom of Animaria before being sealed away by six ancient warriors. In the wake of the destruction, the last remnant of Animaria survived in the form of Princess Shayla, who was put into a magical sleep on the floating turtle-shaped island, The Animarium, where she would slumber until she and the powers of the five surviving Wild Zords were needed again.

The reawakened Master Org summons and commands Org spirits in order to cause pollution and destruction to wipe out humanity and prepare Earth for a new Org Empire. However, it turns out that Master Org is not actually the original Master Org, but a human scientist, Viktor Adler, who had been on a research expedition to the Amazon with Cole’s parents when he discovered the remains of Master Org, and in a fit of jealousy towards Cole’s father, ate the remains and used a fake eyeball and horn to masquerade as Master Org in order to destroy the world for some reason. When his deception is uncovered, his minions who are true Duke Orgs turn on him and kill him, but in death he is possessed by the spirit of the real Master Org, making him the real Master Org after all in the end before he is ultimately defeated by the Power Rangers using their heroic spirits to summon a whole bunch of new Wild Zords and combining their pure energies to wipe out Master Org forever.

+390 pts!

Music

The theme song this season is pretty forgettable, all told. It turns out that just repeating Wild Force over and over doesn’t have quite the same kick as repeating “Time Force” over and over and no amount of robovoice is going to fix that. The other lyrics are pretty generically heroic stuff about working together and saving the world, which, great, good for you, but it’s nothing that really grabs you, you know? In any case, the real musical stand-out of this season is the song about the majesty of nature that Princess Shayla and Silver Ranger Merrick have to perform for the Deer Zord every day in order to keep it from getting grumpy and refusing to help the Rangers. And I say “stand-out” because it stands out in my brain because the Just. Keep. Singing it. Repeatedly. Over and over and over. There’s a whole music-video-style sequence where Shayla is overlaid on a bunch of idyllic nature scenes so you know how pure and special and magical this song is.

+208 pts

Fights

Power Rangers Wild Force is an animal-themed season, like Lost Galaxy, only this time it’s not inexplicably also space-themed.5 And like Lost Galaxy, the fights make use of that theming, with the Rangers’ fighting styles matching their themed animal. Taylor is themed after the eagle, and her suit has cool wings and she does a lot of aerial fighting. Alyssa’s fighting style is explicitly tiger-themed, based off of the (fictional) Enrile Tiger Style of martial arts that her father taught her. Danny is themed after the bison and has a more strength-based fighting style, and so on. I really like when there’s this fun differentiation between the Rangers, so it’s a nice change from the kind of generic theming of the past two seasons.

+880 pts

Miscellany

I try to stay away from real-life stuff in these write-ups and only stick to things relating to the show itself, but unfortunately, it’s impossible to talk about this season without discussing Ricardo Medina, Jr. and his actions after the series. In 2015, during an argument, Medina fatally stabbed his roommate with a katana. He pleaded guilty to voluntary manslaughter and was sentenced to six years in prison and has since been released. This is a horrible, unconscionable tragedy and my heart goes out to the victim and his family. 

On a lighter note, I want to talk about the overall theming of this season. There’s this undercurrent6 of an environmental message that I find really fascinating. The villainous Orgs are all evil spirits inhabiting various objects, and their goal in most cases is just “cause pollution” in some thematically consistent way. The Rangers are protectors of The Earth and, implicitly, nature. Late in the season, the Godlike Megazord, Animus, incarnated as a young amnesiac boy, Kite,7 watches TV and sees all the ways that humanity has destroyed the environment and harmed the planet. In response, Kite/Animus takes away the Rangers’ Zords and threatens to leave the planet entirely, setting up shop on some new planet or something. It is only through a heartfelt commitment to fighting for humanity and the planet that the Rangers convince him to return the Zords so that they can protect humanity. Which actually was his plan all along because it was a Secret Test of Character, but that’s not the point. There’s a real Captain Planet feel to the season, and it’s not just because everyone has a branded wardrobe even in their civilian identities. Power Rangers is tackling the Real Issues of today8 and not metaphorically like the entire previous season that they solved racism in. That’s quality children’s entertainment.

Cumulative Score: +1390 pts

The Good Guys

The Wild Force Rangers were each chosen by their magical crystals, which actually just look like those rubber bouncy-balls with an animal inside. One of the Rangers actually uses them as billiard balls because he’s billiards-themed or something. They all live happily together on the Animarium, a floating turtle-shaped island in the sky, but also their identities are a closely guarded secret, despite each of them wearing matching jackets that have their Ranger titles on the backs.

The Rangers

Cole Evans (Ricardo Medina, Jr.)  

Basically Tarzan. Somehow not the stupidest one. Thinks “teamwork” is a rule.

  • Color: Red
  • Zord: Lion
  • Signature Weapon: Lion Fang/Falconator
  • Strength: 10
  • Smarts: 2
  • Coolness factor: 3

As a baby, Cole was with his parents on their research trip to the Amazon when they were betrayed and killed by Viktor Adler. With their sacrifice, he was chosen by the Red Lion Crystal to be the future Red Ranger, destined to confront and destroy VoldemortMaster Org. Also he was raised in the jungle by a bunch of racist caricatures, so he has a connection to the earth or animals or whatever by listening to their hearts.

Max Cooper (Phillip Jeanmarie)  

Bowling prodigy. The silly one. BFFs with Danny.

  • Color: Blue
  • Zord: Shark
  • Signature Weapon: Shark Fighting Fins/Sword of Pardolis
  • Strength: 5
  • Smarts: 1
  • Coolness factor: 5

The youngest one of the team, Max is often referred to as a “kid” by the others, which he constantly denies. Apparently he’s naturally gifted at bowling, as his big focus episode revolves around his bowling mentor who is disappointed in him for giving up bowling when he became a Ranger. Also he learns a cool bowling move to defeat the bowling-themed monster of the week and we never talk about bowling again.

Taylor Earhardt (Alyson Sullivan9)  

Basically Captain Marvel. The competent one. Also the angry one.10 

  • Color: Yellow
  • Zord: Eagle
  • Signature Weapon: Eagle Sword/Armadillo Puck
  • Strength: 10
  • Smarts: 10
  • Coolness factor: 10

Taylor is an ex-Air Force pilot11 who, on a routine mission, ended up on the Animarium, where she was chosen by the Yellow Eagle Crystal to become the first Wild Force Ranger. This makes her the leader of the team until Cole shows up and gets to be the leader because he’s the Red Ranger and Red Rangers are special. On the other hand, her Ranger suit has functional wings that she can use to glide, so that’s neat.

Danny Delgado(Jack Guzman)  

The shy one. Never gives up. Never stops saying “Never give up.”

  • Color: Black
  • Zord: Bison
  • Signature Weapon: Bison Axe/Rhino Shooter
  • Strength: 15
  • Smarts: 3
  • Coolness factor: 1

Danny is the most recently recruited member of the team before Cole shows up. He’s a bit unsure of himself and tends to be more quiet and reserved, except when he’s with Max, in which case they’re both emphatically idiotic. He gets the romance plot this season, as he’s enamored with a florist named Kendall. And by romance plot I mean that she shows up in two episodes and he decides that he can’t be with her because of his Ranger duties. And then in the epilogue he runs off on a world tour with Max and she’s never mentioned again.

Alyssa Enrilé (Jessica Rey)  

The smart one. Juggling superheroing with going to college. Did no one else go to college?12

  • Color: White
  • Zord: Tiger
  • Signature Weapon: Tiger Baton/Deer Clutcher
  • Strength: 12
  • Smarts: 20
  • Coolness factor: 7

Alyssa is possibly the best fighter of the group, as her father is a martial arts instructor who wanted her to follow in his footsteps. She leaves that behind though, as she wants to go to college and get an education instead. Her father is disappointed, but ultimately approves of her lifestyle when he discovers that she’s a Power Ranger, because she still gets to use her awesome fighting ability for good. She’s also the heart of the group, and possibly the only one who knows how to cook. In the end she becomes a teacher because she’s so accustomed to dealing with children.13

Merrick Baliton (Phillip Andrew)  

The cool one. He’s a lone wolf, get it? Really into billiards.

  • Color: Silver
  • Zord: Wolf
  • Signature Weapon: Lunar Cue
  • Strength: 12
  • Smarts: 3
  • Coolness factor: 15

Merrick was one of the protectors of Animaria 3000 years ago, when he used the cursed wolf mask of Zen-Aku to defeat Master Org when all seemed lost. But it turns out that the cursed wolf mask was actually cursed! He is possessed by the spirit of Zen-Aku and his former allies are forced to seal him away in a tomb, never to be opened again until it’s opened again in 3000 years for evil reasons. Also he’s in love with Princess Shayla but they can never be together because she’s a princess and he’s her knight, despite the fact that I’m pretty sure the kingdom that she’s the princess of is super gone. He has billiards-based powers for some reason, including the ability to use his animal crystals as billiard balls for his finishing move.

The Team

Yesssss, we’re back to mouths for faces. I love it when the facemasks have the visors be mouths. It’s just so whimsical and aesthetic. The sash is neat, and I like that the stripes on the sash are numbered one through five,14 but I kind of wish that the numbers had some kind of recognizable reason for being there. The rest of the outfit is pretty plain, apart from Merrick’s zig-zaggy sixth-Ranger specialness, but I kind of like it. I’m not a huge fan of the chest emblems, but what can you do?

What’s interesting is that this time, the Rangers are brought together by an abstract force of Destiny, rather than circumstance – they are chosen by their respective crystals15 after acts of heroism or whatever.16 This is a big change from the previous two seasons where they signed up to a special organization, or from Lost Galaxy where they all mostly kind of knew each other. That means that the team doesn’t always have the organization of a structured unit or the natural cohesion of longtime friends. Danny has only been around for about two months at the start of the series. Still, he and Max form an instantaneous bond, which is kind of sweet. Taylor attempts to give the team structure, writing an entire Ranger handbook during her time leading the team, but Cole discards it and decides that the only rule is “teamwork”. Which is not a rule. It’s barely even a guideline.

Ranger Ranker:

  1. Taylor – You know, this is the second season in a row where the hypercompetent female leader gets replaced by the zero-experience male idiot for Reasons. +3001 pts
  2. Alyssa – Despite being the only one who actually does anything all day,17 she ends up also doing all the cooking, mainly because Cole, Max, and Danny can’t be trusted with sharp objects or fire. +2103 pts
  3. Max – He’s pretty much always smiling. It’s actually a little endearing. +1436 pts
  4. Danny – He’s big and strong but awkward and quiet, and extremely empathetic. +998 pts
  5. Merrick – Oh no, that 00’s hair. How can a man from 3000 years ago have such distinct 00’s hair and beard? I guess fashion comes in (3000 year) cycles. +776 pts
  6. Cole – Just….. Just look at him though. Also he ripped off one of his sleeves to make a headband, but just left the other one. At least make it symmetrical, come on! +15 pts

Team chemistry is pretty much entirely carried by the Twin Idiots, Max and Danny. Taylor is aloof and above it all, Alyssa is stuck in the “mom” role, and Cole doesn’t exactly have a lot going for him that’s not “Jungle”. But the Twin Idiots really are kind of lovable in the end, so it mostly works out. 

“Wild Access!”

To morph, the Rangers have to shout “Wild Access!” into their Growl Phones.18 The Growl Phones then grow little arms and legs and go into a fighting stance, which turns into the morphed Ranger. Then an overlay of each Ranger’s animal bites their head and turns into their helmets. God, I love mouth helmets. That’s the best part. Nom nom nom. The cell phone thing is just ridiculous though.

Overall Team Score: 1882 pts!

With Special Guest Rangers:

Time Force

Some time in the future, before the events of Power Rangers Time Force, Ransik was wandering the wastelands when he comes across an Org temple and three Org statues. He shares his mutant DNA with them, turning them into Mut-Orgs, and giving Ransik power greater than any other mutant. At some point after that, the Mut-Orgs acquire a time travel device and travel back in time 1000 years to make the future into an Org paradise. At the same time, Jen Scotts is assigned to investigate the Mut-Orgs and mysteriously vanishes. Meanwhile in the present, Taylor runs into Wes and Eric in their duties as Silver Guardians, now outside of Silver Hills for… some reason. It works out though because the Mut-Orgs attack Turtle Cove, attracting the attention of the Wild Force Rangers, who bring Wes and Eric to the Animarium to plan what to do.

Wes and Eric contact Trip in the future and the future Time Force Rangers go to the only person who knows anything about these Mut-Orgs: Ransik himself. With the help of a reformed Nadira, Ransik is convinced to come back to the past. In the past, it’s discovered that Jen trailed the Mut-Orgs to the past and has been surveilling them covertly. Also Jen gets a badass black outfit and new hairstyle now, so that’s nice for her. Together, all the Rangers plus Ransik and Nadira go to face the Mut-Orgs, and Ransik sacrifices himself in a huge dramatic explosion that destroys the mutant halves of the Mut-Orgs, turning them into ordinary Orgs, but also conveniently removes all of Ransik’s mutations, making him non-melty and letting him go around without a Phantom of the Opera mask. The Orgs are defeated by the combined forces of the two Ranger teams and everybody gets to have a lovely picnic, the end.

All the Red Rangers (Except Rocky)

Meanwhile, on the Moon, the remnants of the Machine Empire have gathered to work on some kind of massive project. They are observed by a cloaked, hooded figure that turns out to be the Space Ranger, Andros, in his only disguise. Seriously villains should just assume that the guy in the brown hooded cloak is Andros. It’s always Andros. Anyway, they chase Andros away on their moon horses and Andros sends word to Earth via the most important character in Power Rangers: Bulk! (And Skull). Bulk and Skull now run Club Bulkmeier, a tropical-themed pool club, and they relay Andros’s message to a mysterious VIP… Tommy. Tommy’s back, everyone! With completely different questionable hair choices than when we last saw him. Tommy organizes a team of all of the Red Rangers19 of the past, except Rocky,20 to embark on a special mission to the Moon and stop the Machine Empire from unearthing Lord Zedd’s giant battle Zord, Serpentera.

Also there are horses on the moon

Now, you may be asking, “how did Serpentera end up buried on the moon? The last time we saw it, Rita and Zedd were taking it back to the M51 Galaxy.” And you would be right in a manner of speaking, but in a different, more accurate21 manner of speaking, you would be WRONG! Because the last time that we saw Serpentera was in the little-known shorts that connected Zeo and Turbo: Scorpion Rain!

Okay fine, technically speaking, Scorpion Rain does not, in fact, exist. Its existence was a hoax that I covered back in the Power Rangers Turbo entry of this series. However, one of the co-conspirators of the hoax, Amit Bhaumik, would end up becoming a writer on Power Rangers, and is the lead writer for this episode and he decreed with his mighty pen that Scorpion Rain was canon. Serpentera was destroyed by Tommy and Kat before it crashed on the moon, bringing us to today, when the Machine Empire digs it up.

So all the Red Rangers22 go up to the Moon and we get a lot of cool fight scenes with all the Red Rangers23 working together and it’s all very touching and I didn’t cry at all, not even when all the Red Rangers24 morph together. It’s true. In the end though, they are unable to prevent the activation of Serpentera25 and Cole is forced to use his cool new motorbike to destroy Serpentera all by himself.26

Gear

Growl Phone

The Morpher this season is the “Growl Phone,” a flip cell phone that is themed to each Ranger’s particular animal. Also they are cell phones, so they’re good for communication too. No more talking to your wrist! I wonder who their cell provider is though.

+204 pts

Armadillo Puck 27

Look at this thing. This is a weapon. This is the weapon that they give to poor Taylor as part of the American-only second combination weapon, the Jungle Blaster. What do you even do with this? It gets kind of jammed onto the bottom of the blaster like some kind of magazine, even though it doesn’t use ammunition or anything.

-1000 pts

Anyway the Jungle Blaster is pretty cool I guess.

+5 pts

Animarium Armor

This season’s designated special Red Ranger Power Up is the Animarium Armor. Shaped like a falcon, it gives Cole wings and lasers and also the wings can fold up and be a shield. America only blah blah blah. Oh how I yearn for other Rangers to get cool stuff too. I’d even let Sky Cowboy have his back if it meant more colored Battlizers.

+50 pts

Zords

Wildzords

Okay so, this season is a little different28 Zord-wise from what we’ve seen before because all of the Zords are Wildzords and they go all mix-n-match to form different combinations. So I’m going to split it based on the four core/chest Zords and we’ll go from there

To keep it simple29 we’ll start with the original five Wildzords that the Rangers start with: The Red Lion, Blue Shark, Yellow Eagle, Black Bison, and White Tiger. Together they form the Wild Force Megazord, and we run into a problem that we previously saw with the Ninja Mega(falcon)zord: It don’t got not hands!30 It can’t hold anything it’s just gotta bite bite bite with its Shark and Tiger mouth hands.

Adult Soul Bird
Baby Soul Bird… See the resemblance?

There is also one more Zord that combines with this Megazord: The Soul Bird. The one that we get to know is just a baby because Master Org scared off the other adult Soul Bird.31 The baby Soul Bird barely resembles a bird – it’s more of a flying car that kind of reminds you of a baby chick. Barely. The Rangers ride the Soul Bird inside the Wild Force Megazord, where it becomes part of their cockpit/control area and the Zords all gain More Power from healing Soul magic or something.

Like I mentioned before, this is the first32 time the Zords have been full CGI. The Megazord scenes are mostly practical still, but when the Zords are individual or during some attacks or roars or whatever, the Zords get all bendy and stretchy and I don’t like it. Other than that though, it’s a perfectly reasonable Megazord I guess, apart from the hands thing that I mentioned earlier. And the way that the Rangers jump into it by kind of glomming into the Lion’s forehead. Ok I kind of hate this Zord.

Coolness of Animal

  1. Tiger – It’s just like, “rar”
  2. Eagle – birb
  3. Shark – Water creatures are always awkward in these things. Here the shark is just constantly floating in the air like a blimp.
  4. Lion – It’s just like, “RAWR”
  5. Bison – What even is a bison anyway?
  6. Baby Soul Bird33 – It’s like if you took a Star Trek shuttle and painted eyes on it.

Wild Force Megazord

Primary Weapon: Fin Blade/Chompy Mouth Hands

Finishing Move: Mega Roar – Each Wildzord opens its mouth and five beams shoot out and blast the enemy.

Finishing Move: Soul Cannon – The Soul Bird opens its… mouth? face? and a spinning cannon emerges and shoots several huge beams out of the Wildzords’s mouths.

Total (group) score: 707 pts

Elephant Wildzord

The Elephant Zord is discovered by Alyssa on an archaeology field trip, because archaology in the Power Rangers universe is way cooler than in our stupid boring universe. It enables Megazords to go into Sword and Shield mode, in which the elephant’s head becomes a shield in a visual throwback to the Dino Megazord’s Mastodon Shield that it hardly ever used. Meanwhile the rest of the elephant becomes a sword or something

Sword and Shield Mode

Primary Weapon: Elephant Sword (and Shield)

Finishing Move: Pachyderm Crusher – The Elephant Sword gets super bendy for some reason34 and takes a big lightning-y slash at the enemy

Score: 300 pts

Giraffe Wildzord

The Giraffe Wildzord is also known as “The Spear of Pardolis” because one of the ancient Animarian warriors was named Pardolis or something. Also, the giraffe can turn into a spear arm for the Megazord that goes all stretchy because this is the age of CGI, baby! 

Spear Mode

Primary Weapon: The Spear of Pardolis

Finishing Move: Giraffe Spear – The Giraffe’s head extends out and lights on fire, then pierces the enemy.

Score: 406 pts

Gorilla Wildzord35

The Kongazord is built around the Gorilla Wildzord, which is… really… something. First of all, it’s got jungle-y saxophone theme music that plays whenever it shows up. Second of all, it throws giant exploding bananas at enemies. Third of all there is no third thing did you read about the GIANT EXPLODING BANANAS? The Bison and Eagle return to form the legs and head of this Megazord and the arms are the two Bear Brothers.36 Yes, apparently Zords can be brothers. Taylor meets the Bear Brothers in human form as a pair of creepy twins who she helps sneak into an Air Force base. 

Coolness of Animal

  1. Gorilla – Giant. Exploding. Bananas.
  2. Black Bear – Apparently the Black Bear has fire powers? I thought bears were supposed to prevent fires.
  3. Polar Bear – The Polar Bear has ice powers because obviously. No further questions.

Kongazord Megazord

Main Weapon: Bear Knuckles

Finishing Move: Double Knuckle Final Strike – The Kongazord charges up and delivers a one-two-punch with the two Bear Knuckles

Total (group) score: 999 pts

Predator Zords

The three Predator Zords are found with the mask of Zen-Aku, which means that they end up with Zen-Aku on the side of evil when they first appear. When Zen-Aku is purified, the Predazord becomes Merrick’s Megazord and he is usually the one to pilot the Predazord. This is the first three-Zord combination that we’ve seen so far, with the Alligator forming the body and legs and the Hammerhead Shark and Wolf forming the arms, and honestly it’s kind of rough looking. It’s just bits and mouths everywhere, with the Alligator snout just jutting out of its chest. It gets a little better once it’s purified, where the snout folds down into more of a chestpiece, but you still know it’s there, and it comes back when the Predazord performs its Predator Wave finishing move.

Coolness of Animal

  1. Wolf – Wolves are cool, don’t blame me, take it up with YA novels.
  2. Hammerhead Shark – Seriously, we already have a regular shark though, why do we need this weirdo?
  3. Alligator – *chomp chomp chomp chomp*

Predazord

Main Weapon: Gator Staff

Finishing Move: Predator Wave – The Alligator’s mouth opens and charges up a giant laser that fires at the enemy.

Total (group) score: 333 pts

Falcon Wildzord37

The Isis Megazord is special because it is one of the few flying Megazords. We get one every once in a while, but usually it’s just some other Zord with wings that just clips on to the back of the old Megazord, like the Falconzord or Mega Winger, but in this case it’s because of the core Zord, the Falcon Wildzord. Also present are the Giraffe and Deer as arms and the Rhino for legs. Also the Armadillo is there.

The Rhino and Armadillo are an interesting pair of Zords. The Armadillo isn’t really a “structural” Zord. Rather, it sits inside the Rhino’s foot and comes out to just “be a sportsball,” playing a soccer ball, billiards ball, or a bowling ball at various points during the series. 

Coolness of Animal

  1. Falcon – Falcons are also cool, take it up with YA again.
  2. Deer – It gets a whole song all for itself, how is that not cool?
  3. Armadillo – Athletic and multifunctional!
  4. Rhino – I don’t want to say “just a pair of legs” but…

Isis Megazord

Main Weapon: Deer Clutcher/Spear of Pardolis

Finishing Move: Final Strike – The Armadillo Zord becomes a soccer ball that the Isis Megazord “bicycle” kicks at the enemy, who explodes. Also there is a football stadium that manifests out of… somewhere? Why not.

Total (group) score: 2631 pts

Pegasus Megazord

This one time, the Red Lion Wildzord grows really big due to… moxie or something? And joins with the Falcon, Shark, Elephant, and Tiger, forming the Pegasus Megazord, which is just the whole dang Megazord riding on the back of the Lion. And it’s got wings. It’s pretty rad. Also it gains portal powers somehow? Lions, who knew?

+1500 pts

Mentors/Allies

Princess Shayla

The Princess of Animaria, which apparently had royalty but no succession or anything because doesn’t she get to be Queen if everyone else in the entire kingdom dies? Pretty suspect if you ask me. Anyway, she’s pure and kind and has been asleep for 3000 years or so, but it never really comes up because she also never really interacts with the “normal” world.

+337 pts

Animus

Animus is some kind of sentient God-Megazord,38 and also a small child named Kite. He’s 3000 years old, but also only recently reincarnated into Kite, but also can manifest Mufasa-style in the sky when dramatically appropriate. He and Merrick are pals!

+101 pts

Random Citizens Lightning Round!

Don

Don is Max’s old bowling mentor, who he hasn’t seen since being selected to be a Ranger39. Since that time40 Don has gone from a champion bowler to a washed up janitor because he hurt his wrist or something. Also he is disappointed that Max gave up bowling for Rangering, but it turns out that Max needs to learn Don’s secret ultimate bowling technique to beat the week’s monster, so they have an emotional reconciliation or something and everything works out in the end I guess.

+30041 pts

Willie

Willie is the owner of Willie’s Roadhouse42 that Merrick ends up living at when he fights a bunch of biker thugs or something.43 Also he’s got a pool table,44 which is thematically appropriate to Merrick’s power set. Which is billiards-themed for some reason. Anyway this one time Merrick needs to learn Willie’s secret ultimate billiards technique to beat the week’s monster, but he and Willie are already chill so there’s not really any drama to it at all.

+777 pts

The Baddies

The Orgs are spirits of pollution that inhabit everyday objects. They seem to be naturally occurring, but not in the good way that nature naturally occurs. They’re eeeeeeeevil. Recently, the return of Master Org has brought about an increase in the number of Org Spirits that come into being, leading to the reawakening of Princess Shayla and the creation of the Rangers. 

The Big Bad: Master Org – Master of All Orgs

So the whole first half of the season teases at the possibility that Master Org isn’t who he says he is. And it turns out that he’s not! He’s actually Dr. Viktor Adler, a colleague of Cole’s parents who accompanied them on their expedition to The Amazon. His entire deal is that he was secretly in love with Cole’s future mother, Elizabeth, but she loved Cole’s future father, Richard. When they married and had Cole, his jealousy boiled over and during the ill-fated Amazon expedition, he ate evil beans45 and gains Master Org’s powers. And a liiiiiiiittle bit of insanity possibly. He kills Cole’s parents, who hid Cole away to be raised by an Amazonian native tribe, and he and the Evanses are assumed dead. On returning to civilization, Adler makes himself a hat with a fake horn and eyeball and hides his identity, pretending to be a true Org. Eventually his true identity is revealed and he ends up dying at the hands of Mandilok, but in death is overtaken by Master Org’s spirit, turning him into a true Org after all and setting up his return for the finale.

Honestly, I’m not super enamored with Viktor Adler or Master Org. They’re ultimately kind of bland and stereotypical, and they’re not a very imposing physical presence. Whenever they face the Rangers, it’s always with these cgi vines and energy blasts. Not that I have anything against energy blasts, but he just doesn’t have the verve that I really want to see in a villain. He really ends up overshadowed by Jindrax and Toxica, and especially Zen-Aku, who is all Dark and Cool and voiced by Lex Lang.46

Score: +3000 pts

Henches

The Orgs have a horn-based hierarchical structure – Orgs with only one horn are Duke Orgs, while Orgs with more horns are basically just rank and file. There are also General Orgs, but it’s not clear what differentiates them from Duke Orgs apart from them just being stronger for Reasons.

Jindrax

The Master of Blades, Jindrax is a clown/carnival-themed Duke Org who tends to be sarcastic/sardonic. He’s got a tendency to be unreliable and he somehow completely missed the Final Battle 3000 years ago. He imagines that he has a Famous Rivalry with Taylor, who barely acknowledges his existence most days.

+2001 pts

Toxica

The Mistress of Magic, Toxica is the other Duke Org in this series. She is Jindrax’s best friend and also wields the staff that shoots the magic beans that Make Her Monsters Grow. She even has a little poem that she has to recite Every Time when she does it. Between the two of them, I get a lot of Jessie and James Team Rocket energy, giving wry commentary on the action and eventually ending up being more on their own side than actually Evil when it turns out that Evil is not really a great career choice in terms of “not being betrayed constantly” or whatever.

+2002 pts

Retinax

The first General Org, Retinax was the original Master Org’s personal bodyguard, who he failed 3000 years ago and has been wandering in shame ever since. This means that he could identify that the new Master Org is an impostor, which means that he needs to be killeddestroyed so that the plot can continue. So he is! Oh well! He’s eye-themed, which is relevant because all of the General Orgs are themed after face parts.

+303 pts

Nayzor

Nayzor is the second General Org, who Master Org creates/revives when Jindrax and Toxica turn out to be pretty ineffectual.He is nose/ear themed! His main evil plot is to revive Zen-Aku, who turns out to be Merrick under the curse of the Wolf Mask, so that inevitably ends up backfiring when the Rangers manage to purify Merrick.

+97 pts

Mandilok

When Jindrax and Toxica discover that Master Org is actually a human pretending to be an Org, they revive Mandilok, the mouth-themed third General Org to take charge of the Orgs instead of a stinking human. Mandilok turns out to be a huge jerk though and uses Onikage to betray/sacrifice Toxica for his own ends, so he’s ultimately not that great a choice of leader after all. Anyway, Mandilok likes to eat things that aren’t food. Because mouths!

+230 pts

Zen-Aku

Zen-Aku is basically cooler than Merrick in every possible way. He controls the Zords with his flute-dagger, which should sound familiar to anyone who watched the original MMPR seasons. Turns out flute-daggers are still cool! Anyway he’s the best and it’s kind of lame that his true identity is……. That guy. Ugh. Anyway he ends up somehow returning to try to merge with Merrick again, but is defeated by billiards-related shenanigans. It’s okay though because he shows up again in the epilogue to wander the earth with Merrick, hopefully redeeming the former and making the latter at least slightly interesting.

+3000 pts

Onikage

The “Famous Ninja” Onikage is a Duke Org that serves Mandilok until he doesn’t. He tricks Toxica into cutting off her horn, which ends up killing her, but she gets better. He’s a big jerky jerkface who betrays everybody all the time, but also is extremely powerful, able to create shadow-clones of the Rangers who are essentially undefeatable,47 but ends up getting tricked into making a shadow-clone of himself, leading to his own defeat.

+969 pts

Fodder

Putrids

In keeping with the Pollution theme the Orgs have going, the Putrids are basically sentient sludge that comes out of a magic urn that Toxica has. They kind of look like Putties but with weird veins all over and less endearing faces. Sentient slime, magic clay, it’s all kind of the same in the end.

+0 pts

Monsters

Also apart from the Duke and General Orgs, none of the normal Org monsters get fun names at all. They’re all just named ______ Org after whatever item they happen to be possessing at the time. Booooooooooring.

Monsters that are Good (according to me):

Lion-Tamer Org

Using his whip and lion taming skills, Lion Tamer Org is able to control any animal, including animal-powered Rangers and animal Zords. Which seems kind of overpowered honestly. He ends up pitting the Megazords against each other and nearly wins, until Animus/Kite communes with the Wildzords and brings them back to their senses, which I’m pretty sure is the definition of Deus48 ex Machina.49

Scooter Org/Motorcycle Org

Scooter Org was Taylor’s first monster, who she had to fight alone as the first and only Ranger at the time. She couldn’t defeat it alone and had to seal it away instead. Later on, Scooter Org grew up into Motorcycle Org, because of Org puberty or something and she had to face it again. And this time……………. It’s personal.

Bowling Org

Bowling Org’s incredible bowling technique is able to knock people over like bowling pins. And the only way to stop him is to bowl against him head-to-head, which in this case means Max throws a bowling ball directly at his bowling ball as they face each other. Which I don’t think is how bowling works now that I mention it.

Tire Org

He’s a big tire monster! And he can turn into one big realistic tire and trap somebody inside his one big tire hole. It’s pretty great.

What About Bulk and Skull?

Finally! A relatively happy ending for Bulk and Skull! As mentioned above, they’re apparently running some kind of resort – Club Bulkmeier. How/when did Bulk get back from Mirinoi? Why does Bulk get to be in the name instead of Skull? Whatever happened to Professor Phenomenus? These are all questions that you could ask if you wanted to ruin this for me, but why would you want to do that? Now we can retire this portion of the feature and never worry about it again. The End.50

THE FINAL SCORE

We now begin the completely transparent scoring system, where I give a value (in Pts) to each of the major elements, and I also get to decide what those are. And also how much they have accrued in Bonus Points(pts) up to now.

  • The Team:  30 Pts
    • Individual: 25 tPts I kind of… hate half of these people?
    • Together:  10 tPts Danny and Max have Team Idiot chemistry, but it doesn’t really extend past that.
    • Leader: 1 tPt Teamwork still isn’t a rule, Cole. 
  • The Zords: 100 Pts
    • Individual: 50 zPts Ugh, that CGI does not do them many favors
    • Megazords: 30 zPts The mix-and-match is neat, but makes them all kind of same-y
  • The Villains: 2000 Pts
    • Leader: 500 vPts Wait, is he just Voldemort crossed with Snape?
    • Henchmen: 2222 vPts Jindrax and Toxica have big Team Rocket energy in the best way.
    • Fodder: 10 vPts A big ol’ meh.
  • The Monsters: 50 Pts I miss the fun names. Also “random junk” isn’t exactly the most exciting theme.
  • Story: 25 Pts The whole season is literally framed like a storybook, which is… not great honestly. Ultimately I think this season has a villain problem. Jindrax and Toxica are a lot of fun, but they keep working for villains who just end up betraying them. In a better world, that could be interesting, but it ends up just making the villains look petty and ineffectual. There’s a lot of inter-villain drama, but other than Jindrax, Toxica, and Zen-Aku, none of them have anything interesting going on.
Sudden Dramatic Points Right At The End

10000 Pts – Despite the rest of the season being… what it is… there are a couple really big bright spots in this season. Those being the Team Up Specials. The Time Force team up is an incredible epilogue to an incredible season and a welcome return of a lot of beloved characters and Wes. And Forever Red is a fantastic tribute to the Power Rangers legacy that cannot be ignored. If only the rest of the season lived up to those…

After converting the base score(Pts) and bonuses(pts) into Power Points (PPs), totalling all the scores for each section and normalizing the results according to the secret formulae that definitely exist and are not a screen to get me out of having to think about scores ever at all:

TITLE: 10377 Power Points (PPs)

Let’s see the rankings!

Power Rangers Seasons, Ranked

  1. Power Rangers in Space 51
  2. Power Rangers Time Force 52
  3. Power Rangers Zeo53
  4. Power Rangers Lost Galaxy 54
  5. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Season 355
  6. Mighty Morphin’ Alien Rangers56
  7. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Season 257
  8. Power Rangers Turbo58
  9. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Season 159
  10. Power Rangers Wild Force: 10377 PPs!
  11. Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue60

Well it’s not the worst season… overall… Honestly if it weren’t for the team-ups, I probably wouldn’t have put it over Lightspeed Rescue, but what can I say? I see Tommy and all logic leaves my brain.

That’s it for this installment of Ranger Ranker! It’s been quite a year for Power Rangers and with the future of the series up in the air, it’s a little bittersweet, but I’m here for the long haul and whatever ups and downs may come. At the very least, we have Amy Jo Johnson’s Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Return comic book to look forward to, and I can only hope that things work out with whatever they want to do with the live-action arm of the franchise. Regardless, I’ve still got at least 20 more seasons to go with this series, so be sure to come back next time for The One With Disney’s Three Ninjas!