Anna: IS IT #MEGXIT TIME NOW MONTY
Alright get in cados, let’s disband a monarchy. So, I realize not all of you went through a “wanting to marry Harry” phase (remember the dating show?) And thus have not been personally invested in the events of the last few years. Totally valid. But this story has everything; racist in-laws, gossip magazines, Piers Morgan taking things personally, and the opportunity to examine the relationship between the monarchy and the media. So Monty, I’m assuming your level of info about modern royals is not enough, but I’m betting you have at least 4 different conspiracies about Princess Diana. Would that be correct?
Monty: If anything, I know way too much about monarchy– apparently more than social conservative pundits in the US, who have taken a break from their misinformed IRA fandom to either spew invective about the integrity of the royal family or– in Ben Shapiro’s case– conclude that Harry and Meghan are sleeper agents in a conspiracy to re-colonize North America.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the Purple Scare would make a comeback. Somebody should tell John Quincy Adams.
Anna: honestly this turn of events is even better than Meghan having been a secret agent hellbent on razing the monarchy to the ground for…I don’t remember what channel suits was on, because it’s a great reminder that the personal is political. We talk a lot about systemic racism, as well we should, but the people running the system are actually racist sometimes as well. Remember that time Princess Michael of Kent was like “time to get out the slur brooch” and at no point did her husband or staff succeed in convincing her not to.
Monty: Never mind, I don’t know that much about monarchy. In fact, I’m not convinced that Princess Michael of Kent is a real person, even after looking her up on Wikipedia.
By the way, the network was USA. Characters welcome.
Anna: speaking of TV, there was a BBC America show a few years back called Almost Royal, where either two comedians pretended to be the 50th and 51st in line for the throne and had no idea how to function as members of society, or the managers of the 50th and 51st in line made a really bad decision and all of them were quietly removed from service by probably James Bond. I adored this show because despite fighting a war to get away from them, many Americans will LOSE THEIR SHIT about royalty. And we see it again with the amount of interest in Kate and William. (I argue as an American Meghan is ours and thus that was more of a sports-team type interest.) I cheered for Meghan to date Harry, I was ecstatic to see them get married, her pregnancy delighted me, but nothing made me happier than the last week. This is 2020. Ditch your toxic in-laws. Leave a dead-end job that destroys your mental health to follow your strengths and feel more purpose. Call out your shitty friends who don’t ask if you’re okay after you popped out a goddamn baby and when your sister-in-law did it they made her walk out holding the kid before most of us would have been allowed to pee unassisted yet.
Huh, maybe she’s not quite as relatable as twitter seems to believe.
Anyway, before Harry and Meghan made things official, a British playwright named Mike Bartlett wrote a play called Charles III, a story of Charles assuming the throne told in blank verse. Charles spends his reign refusing to give the monarch’s seal of approval to a bill intended to limit some freedoms of the press (THE IRONY NOW). In it, Kate and Wills are a bit… conniving, depending on your reading, but Harry spends most of the time running off with a commoner and honestly sort of hating his job. (Also Will and Charles both see Diana’s ghost a lot. Truly it is wild.) “What an interesting fictional twist,” I thought to myself at the time. But apparently, that was just like, the truth!?!?! Now the Royals have been sure to speak out against the press this week that contradicts the legitimately important mental health work they’re doing. But they did not say shit about Meghan’s negative press coverage until Harry and Meghan decided to sue several newspapers recently. And then suddenly Meghan was isolating Harry from his family and trying to take over the whole thing, and at no time did the press apparently take into consideration this may have been Harry’s idea.
Listen, as a Hollywood actress and fellow human being I’m sure there are times Meghan gets grumpy or has bad days. This led to some leaks to the press about how horrible she was to work with, and that could be true, but there was a lot of suspicions that British papers were invested in making Meghan look bad in a way they had not done to Kate but had certainly done to their mother in law, but also racist. Here is a Buzzfeed article comparing coverage between the two princesses. My personal favorite is the one where Kate was praised for choosing traditional flowers and Meghan was accused of risking Charlotte’s life.
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ellievhall/meghan-markle-kate-middleton-double-standards-royal
At one point earlier in the week, the Sussexes even left Archie in Canada and came back for a couple work meetings to announce their resignations (apparently there’s an old rule in the books the Queen has custody of Archie, but there’s no way she’s going to try to take them to court over it or something…right?) Which is a reminder not to go into business with your family.
Monty: Don’t ever ask me about my business. (closes door)