It’s time for another round of Muppet Casting, where we take a famous movie and ask, if Jim Henson’s Muppets made their own version of it (in the vein of The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island), which Muppets would you cast in the lead roles?

This week, it’s Jesus Christ Superstar!

I’m gonna be doing something a little different this time, and offer a couple of alternate casting picks. The reason is, there’s a Muppet I think would be perfect for the role of Jesus, and another Muppet who’d be perfect for Judas, but they don’t work as well when paired together. Jesus may be the title character and the person the whole story revolves around, but in terms of how many lines they get and how much they do to drive the story, Jesus and Judas are very much co-leads. I’m honestly not sure which character it’s most important to get just right, which is a problem here because I feel like only one of them can get their ideal Muppet actor, while the other will have to be cast based on who’d make a good foil for that Muppet.

In my opinion, the ideal choices for Jesus and Judas are:

Kermit the Frog as Jesus – There’s no other Muppet who I feel could entirely pull of “Gethsemane”. If you had Fozzie or Miss Piggy sing, “After all, I’ve tried for three years; seems like thirty,” it’d come across as them whining or making excuses. Kermit, though, could really make you believe he’s been trying his darndest over those three years, and all his complaining and chastising, both here and elsewhere, is the result of him being driven to his limit by the people around him. Plus, as the Muppets’ leading man, he’s the natural pick for the apostles’ leader and all-around superstar Jesus Christ.

and

Rizzo the Rat as Judas – Judas in this story is primarily motivated by fear. He was on board with what Jesus was doing at first, but when it starts looking like it might all blow up in their faces, he wants to cut and run, even if it means selling the big man out. It just seems like such a perfect fit for Rizzo, who’s always open to the idea of whatever shenanigans are going on, but has a cowardly streak that comes in strong whenever danger appears.

But the problem, as I said, is that as good as these Muppets are for these two characters individually, the dynamic between them just isn’t right. Kermit and Rizzo have never, to the best of my recollection, been portrayed as being close, but you need to believe that Jesus and Judas have had a long and, until recently, quite solid friendship (“Remember, I’ve been your right hand man all along.”) I just don’t see these two Muppets having the right chemistry to really sell this relationship. As such, if you go with Kermit as Jesus, I would recommend:

Scooter as Judas – As I said, Judas needs to be someone who has a history of working quite closely with Jesus. But he also has to be someone who’s more concerned with practical realities than Jesus seems to be, which makes him hard to cast here, since Kermit is usually the most practical-minded of the Muppets. However, Scooter’s stage manager role does give him a history of trying to deal with various problems that arise on Kermit’s behalf, and on The Muppet Show the two of them worked closely together quite a lot, so it’s not too bad a fit.

If, on the other hand, you go with Rizzo as Judas, then I’d recommend:

Gonzo the Great as Jesus – Gonzo would actually do pretty well as Jesus. He can definitely nail the bits where Jesus says things the people around him don’t really grasp, but he can also be morose on occasion, enough to sell Jesus’s angst over his impending death. I just don’t think he’d be as good in the role as Kermit.

However, this casting creates another problem, as I’d also really like to see:

Gonzo the Great as Simon Zealotes – If Kermit is Jesus, then Gonzo would be ideal for this role. Simon is a faithful follower of Jesus, just as Gonzo is usually trying to be a good part of the Muppet team, but both tend to take things to a very dangerous place, much to the fright and consternation of Jesus/Kermit.

But if you go with Rizzo as Judas and Gonzo as Jesus, then obviously he won’t be available to play Simon. in which case, I’d have to go with:

Pepe the Prawn as Simon Zealotes – I don’t really have a character analysis-based reason for this pick. I just imagined the various Muppets in my head singing the “Simon Zealotes” song, and it just sounded right coming from Pepe.

That is it as far as alternate castings, though. The rest of the characters, I’ve got a pretty good feeling about who I’d cast regardless of who gets the lead roles. To wit:

Fozzie Bear as Peter – Whoever you pick for Jesus, Fozzie would be great as the guy who’s genuinely trying to be a loyal friend/follower, but is dim enough (and just a touch cowardly enough) to do the deny-him-three-times thing even after being specifically warned about it.

Sam the Eagle as Caiaphas – Sam is perfect for Caiaphas. “Tell the rabble to be quiet. We anticipate a riot. This common crowd is much too loud. Tell the mob who sing your songs that they are fools and they are wrong.” Just change “fools” to “weirdos”.

Uncle Deadly as Annas – He, like Sam, has a more formal and stately way of speaking and carrying himself, which is nice because Annas and Caiaphas serve as The Man for the rest of the characters’ counterculture.

Camilla the Chicken as Mary Magdalene – I just think hearing “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” sung entirely in chicken bawks would be funny.

Miss Piggy as Pontius Pilate – This role calls for someone who can really ham it up giving big, arrogant speeches, but also turn on a dime and act all sweet and caring, and switch back again just as quickly. It has to be Miss Piggy (and having her interact with Jesus the way she always interacts with Kermit is another reason I wanted him playing J.C.)

Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem as King Herod and his Court – The Electric Mayhem have always been somewhat separate from the other Muppets, being their own mini-ensemble within the larger ensemble. The same goes for Herod, who isn’t even mentioned until it’s time for his sole musical number, and disappears right afterward. And while all the other characters are concerned with the larger implications of what Jesus is doing, Herod is just interested in seeing a superstar do some cool stuff, which seems like an attitude the Electric Mayhem would take.

Well, those are my picks (such as they are) for a Muppet rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar. What are yours?