Netflix has decided that it’s hot boy winter and to celebrate the season, they’ve released another classic in their Beefcake Christmas series (thanks for the genre name, SadClown): The Merry Gentleman. Are you a millennial that LOVED One Tree Hill? Were you simply obsessed with Chad Michael Murray, the man with a name scientifically designed for teen heartthrob status? Well, he’s back and he hasn’t eaten in days!
To save her parents’ small-town nightclub, a Broadway dancer stages an all-male, Christmas-themed revue – and meets a guy with all the right moves.
Chad IS Magic Mike! But for Christmas.
RECAP
We find ourselves watching a Christmas chorus line. Our lead woman Ashley Davis finishes doing some kicks and goes upstairs to meet the boss. Although Ashley is well-known for her leg lifts, the boss informs her that she’s being kicked off the team mid-season for being too old.
At her house, she gets a call from Zelda from Sabrina the Teenage Witch who is also her mom and SteveN Keaton from Family Ties who is also her dad. This inspires Ashley and her wig to go back to her small town for Christmas.
The prodigal daughter arrives home and immediately runs into a Christmas garland being hung by Chad Michael Murray. She does the obligatory clumsy rom com fall to add a bit more vulnerability to her character.
Ashley’s wig steps into her family’s bar. She’s greeted by an eclectic cast of characters that will surely add a bit of color to this story. She looks fondly at the memorabilia on the wall.
The family bar has seen better days. Rent keeps rising and they don’t get high profile acts like Beyonce anymore. Today’s artists prefer playing big concert venues, not bars that fail to meet the fire code. Thankfully, they have a handsome man who does their repairs for free. Mom informs us that he’s single. Ashley trips again on her way out the door.
The dancer with two left feet goes to the local diner and runs into Chad the handyman again. He gives Ashley’s wig a ride to her sister’s house in his pickup truck. Ashley tags along.
The next day, Ashley visits the bar only to find it empty and full of final notice bills.
While fixing the faucet, the landlord enters the bar to inform Ashley that a Jamba Juice will be taking over come January 1st. It’ll even backpay the $30,000 the bar owes! This sounds like a win, but Ashley wants to keep losing and tells the landlord that she’s going to start an all-male dance revue! It’s a weird business plan to make up and announce on the spot. Chad is bamboozled into taking part. I hope there’s enough horned up ladies who will pay 30 grand to see some abs.
We get a fantastic montage of men hip thrusting and doing that little spin Dennis does in that one episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Chad isn’t so sure about this whole thing, but Ashley tells him to “just use your body and connect with the audience.” Chad still isn’t convinced, so his bossy teacher forces him to dance with her.
It’s the day of the big dance. The bar is full of thirsty ladies, ready for a good time. The boys are backstage wearing safety vests with NO shirts underneath which is completely against health and safety regulations. It’s sure to be a riveting affair.
The Merry Gentlemen go onstage and earn $2,200 for two minutes of real-time dancing to royalty-free Christmas music. The landlord loved the show and thinks that the bar might make it past December 31st.
Chad buys Ashley a necklace and takes her out for a pizza. It doesn’t actually show them eat, so I don’t think he had a slice for fear of bloating. While walking, we discover that Chad is a divorcé. Hungry Man dinners for one and loneliness are doing wonders for his body.
While at the diner with her sister who is also bad girl Gia from Full House, the girls spot a man who just LOVES to dance. He’s dancing inside of a full eatery like no one is watching. By some miracle, he also happens to have abs and is quickly recruited into the Merry Gentlemen.
The revue is getting rave reviews. However, disaster strikes. One of the guys sprains his ankle which is terrible because the next performance requires FOUR people. But they receive another Christmas miracle because Rex Manning saves the day!
Things are going great. They’re only $7K away from paying off the debt, Ashley and Chad have a romantic dance while alone in a barn, and Ashley gets offered her job back in time for Christmas! Oh wait, that last part might not be so great.
The lady dancer decides to accept the three-year contract. She tells Chad and he gets pretty pissy. He has the nerve to say, “I was starting to fall for you Ashley. Thank you for showing me who you really are before I did. This might have been your best performance yet.” Jesus, Chad. Ok, it’s a little shitty what Ashley is doing, but at the same time, I can see why Chad’s wife went back to the city.
Ashley departs but not before telling her sister that she has “big feelings” for Chad. He overhears this conversation while hiding under a table.
The boyz struggle to keep it together with their choreographer now gone, but the show must go on. Those shirts aren’t going to pop off by themselves. It’s Christmas Eve, after all.
We get treated to a scene where the two trained dancers of the group do backflips and dance beautifully. Unfortunately, the fun dancing is broken up by Chad walking in, doing a half-hearted two step, and telling the DJ to cut the music. Is it curtains for the Merry Gentlemen? No, because Ashley comes back!
The dance finishes and Chad jumps off stage to engage in a deep, shirtless conversation with Ashley. The patrons just go back to eating hot wings or something? They kiss.
The family and gentlemen gather to celebrate the fact that they conned everyone into giving them enough money to survive the rest of the year. The landlord arrives to accept her cash in a white envelope. Not sure if it covers next month’s rent, but a win’s a win. Ashley invites the landlord to join their Christmas dinner. I guess she doesn’t have a family.
Chad and Ashley tell each other all the lessons they’ve learned over the last two or so weeks. Ashley says that things aren’t worth doing without family and Chad says he has learned kissing.
REVIEW
This movie hit all the Christmas rom com beats but threw in some six packs. I think Chad’s little tantrum at the end really put me off him. The other thing that bothered me was that he constantly called Ashley “city girl” because he hates them. This is a subtle jab at his his ex-wife who famously left him to go back to the city where they came from. He is from Chicago. Dude came off as bitter. And, yeah, it did look a little crappy that Ashley tried to leave everyone on Christmas Eve. BUT before she made the decision, the film had her parents give her a pep talk, telling her that people don’t get these opportunities all the time. This scene essentially gave her the go-ahead to follow her love of dance. In light of that, as a viewer, it felt like Ashley wasn’t being so selfish. It made Chad’s tantrum looked extra terrible, so I didn’t really get the tone there. Anyway, the trained dancers were great.
Rating: 3 out of 6 abs
STRAY THOUGHTS
- Is Ashley wearing a wig? It looks like a wig.
- Chad’s pants are too low!
- Chad’s hair is really blond!
- The boys are all cut but one of them is like super cut.
- They name check Hallmark in this film. What’s the plan, Hallmark? Are you gonna let them bully you like this?!
- What’s that horrible move called when a dude rubs downwards from his chest and does the wave with his body? It happens too much.
- There’s a blooper reel here, too. Not as funny as the one in Hot Frosty.