Hello! Welcome to COTL, a discussion place for BIPOC. Posted the first 3 Wednesdays of the month
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I decided to use a pride flag for the featured image I’d not seen much of before, but then again I’m not necessarily hip to a lot of things. Apparently this particular Pride Flag: queer people of color (QPOC) Pride Flag, became popular during the Black lives matter movement?
This progress pride flag has of course become very popular in the last few years & is meant to reflect the progress required & in my mind the history that’s been ignored.1I decided on the multitude of skin tones QPOC pride flag as the featured image, in line with the excellent regular featured image. Though it’s interesting to note how small the black & brown lines are in the usual pride flags? Especially those who’ve been pushing for LGBTQ+ rights since the earliest days of the pride movement, have been marginalised within a marginalised community.
Ironically, “the Progress Flag has also generated controversy, as the black chevron within simultaneously stands for Queer people of colour, but also for those who are living with HIV and those that have been lost to AIDS (as represented in the “Victory Over AIDS” flag originating in the 1980s). As such, the organisation First People’s Rainbow Mob WA have called for the flag not been flown or used in Australia, as it further perpetuates the association between people of colour and HIV/AIDS.“
https://flag.library.lgbt/flags/progress/
I’m about to get a lot more personal (feel free to skip to the TL;DR) in the upcoming body of text, as I talk about my own Queer experiences as a POC.
I dunno why I like sharing so much. Maybe I just wanna leave an account of myself somewhere that isn’t just the inside of my head.
I can’t claim to be particularly knowledgeable about Pride, having never been to a march or really ever celebrated 😔. Hoping to change that soon.
Hell, I only came out a few months ago, to a few family and friends as Queer2have we reclaimed that word… I dunno? Feels like it. I guess I am, right here, right now 😅 (which was the easiest label/explanation I was capable of providing3it’s one thing to be different but it’s a whole nother ballgame to be visually different, especially against expectations, especially when you’re a person of colour – so many distinctions 🙃 & even that was met with quite a few questions). I only really came out because I felt it was just a part of who I was and I let it casually slip when asked & responding to something else being said. At a certain point you just can’t be bothered to lie. At least that’s how I feel these days. It wasn’t a big fuss for me, as much as it seemed to others, but I guess that’s the nature of our perceived realities.
Let me tell you, there are no visible queer people of colour in my massive extended family (of hundreds of cousins & multiple aunts & uncles). Not just in my family (though a cousin alluded to others 🤷🏾♀️, after I talked with him 4My cousin apparently found out after I came out to his brother & they talked – so much for coming out individually 😅 – families be messy – I should probably tell my own brothers 😅🙃, but they’re not talking to each other atm 😂), but my friends too.
Have to admit, it felt (& still does a little bit) isolating, surrounded by cis-het normative people.* You almost get the impression they don’t want anything different in their vicinity. Which isn’t true, as I’ve sort of found out for myself… for the most part (I know my parents – they don’t need to know anything about my life). I’m pretty sure I’ll lose a fair few family members (& possibly friends) when I eventually do fully come out to them 🤷🏾♀️. My parents definitely prefer me in the closet: there are always expectations (no shaming them, pride, appearances, etc). I exist to meet their needs, demands & desires. At least to them. It’ll be hard to lose that part of myself (family/parents), but I’m trying to come to accept it. Even though it makes me anxious. I haven’t really got a choice though, as I can’t really be what they want me to be. I’ve always been a pretty lonely person at heart though. Even as a kid. When I would protest my parents racism. I guess I would consider myself an old soul… or at least a weary one. Racism, abuse, these things leave scars & marks & can warp things. So untangling all that can be a feat in and of itself. I suppose the loneliness answers why I need to reach out? I think i’m pretty cool 5despite low self-esteem, stress & depression all things considered. I think it’s safe to say i’m also a hot mess 🤭🤘🏽. If my writing didn’t give you a clue: my mind is equally messy 🙃.
*I dunno. All I’m saying is representation matters. In every shape & form.
In the last year, I’ve made some efforts to push myself out of that corner or closet. Which to be frank I’ve kept a lot of stuff in, but this is about Pride & in my mind courage & something that I was exploring just before Christmas was getting dressed up and going out to a transgender night at a gay bar in London, as a chance to associate as the gender I felt more comfortable as.
I did this alone, because I kind of struggled to find friends the week prior (being online can be weirdly isolating in reality) & someone had stood me up the week before. I think their fear (they were coming up with a lot of excuses & a bunch of amber/red flags popped up 6eternally grateful I managed to persuade them to come to me after the flags, so that I didn’t have to travel far going home) galvanised me. I don’t blame them or hold it against them (the struggle to come out is still very real for a lot of people), although a simple “can’t make it” would have been more polite, so I needn’t have stood & walked around in the rain for so long. Thankfully 15 minutes, instead of 3 hours.
Their fear drove me to courage & off I went the next week. Unfortunately, the trans event had changed to a Gay underwear (jockstrap) party, somehow… in the week since I’d seen the Instagram post & the time I arrived at the bar (looking fine if I must say). Actually think they changed the event without updating their Instagram 🤦🏾♀️.
At a certain point you just have to laugh.
Anyways, It wasn’t the end of the world (though I did feel exceedingly overdressed 🤭 7& the odd duckling, though thankfully not the only queer person of colour – it was London afterall), as I managed to end up dancing the night away. I was proud of myself that night. I only hope to summon up the courage for the rest of my life, as I struggle to find the confidence and opportunity to be myself.
TL;DR: As you can tell I live a weird & complex life that I haven’t even scratched the surface of in my essay above (which probablyneeds some good editing), but I have to admit to not being particularly well informed, so for this months prompt: I’d like to hear from others in regards to Pride or Queerness & your experiences (personal or otherwise) or for those better informed to discuss Queer People of Color of note &/or history? Either in relation to pride or in general?
I’d like to learn more. I’m intending to talk about transgender queer people of color next week. So I’ll probably do some more research there. I may also talk about one of my all time favourite shows POSE.
Feel free to go off topic & have a wonderful day 🙏🏽.