As you walk through the doors, your senses are assaulted on all sides by a combination of disparate stimuli. Various clashing neon hues combine to put you immediately off-balance, and, as you try to steady yourself, you find that much of your brain function has subconsciously devoted itself to figuring out just what song it is that’s being pumped in through the overhead speaker. Styx? Kansas? Pharrell Williams? You know you know it; it’s just not registering.
The hostess takes your name and asks how many. You mention that you’re meeting some people and, without another word, she spins around and tells you to follow. An your eyes adjust to the dim light, you find yourself surrounded on all sides by the cast-offs of ages: Framed newspaper clippings from towns at least a hundred miles away share space with pinned up sports jerseys. Fake mounted wildlife, from Alaska to the Sudan, is crammed up against various tiki paraphernalia and, this can’t be right; an autographed picture of character actor Anthony Zerbe of indeterminate age made out to someone named “Kenny.”
You’re snapped out of your reverie as the hostess seats you at an open table. As you look around, you see that it’s large enough to fit a party of 20 or more; apparently, you’re early? Before you have a chance to take in any more of your surroundings, a waiter appears out of nowhere to your left. He’s dressed in a gaudy green and white polka-dot shirt and black pants; held up by white suspenders. Topping off your already full water glass to the point where some of it spills over onto the tablecloth, the waiter, whose nametag reads: “Trev,” stares at you; or perhaps more accurately, through you, and smiles.
“Hi, I’m Trev, I’ll be your waitperson, tonight. Would you like to start off with some apps? We have a special on Jalapeño-Kraut Poppers, tonight; or, if you’re expecting a large group, the Meatzotizorizzo shank can feed up to ten with a regular order, or be juiced-up to plank-size for only $2 more! That also comes with an order of ranch ‘Tato Sherds on the side.”
You try to respond , but he continues. “Or, if you think you want something to drink, we’ve got an all-new seasonal drink menu that’s been really popular. Might I recommend the Blue Sambuca-tini? Or maybe a Sour Mint-fizz? Those are 3-for-one before 6:30!”
Welcome, one-and-all to the Friday Job-rants thread. Where you can sit back, untuck your work shirt, and unload with one-another about your various employments. All within the comfort of our own local casual dining arena, A.V.O. Chintzee’s. ™
A.V.O. Chintzee’s™: Fuck It. It’s 5:00 PM, Somewhere.