Happy July 4 Eve/ Friday in July, ‘cados! The QHarp superfans among you may remember that last year at this time, we illustrated forgotten American values using the nation’s greatest art form: 80’s music videos. But did you know there was an entire other decade that came after that, that also had music videos? That’s right, y’all; grab your flannel shirts1 , put away your giant cordless phone, and die of dysentery, because we’re headed to the 90s.
Shai- If I Ever Fall in Love
American values represented: Not caring if you’re the only one not wearing a shirt; mop ballet; random acts of a capella
Third Eye Blind- Semi-Charmed Life
American values represented: Badass scooter gangs; making anything more fun with some peppy doo-doo-doo-doos, up to and including doing meth
The Breeders- Divine Hammer
American values represented: Faith; carpentry; not understanding euphemisms
Red Hot Chili Peppers- Otherside
American values represented: Melania Trump’s Christmas decorations; flip flop corner shop ding-a-dang doobies
Deee-Lite- Groove is in the Heart
American values represented: How do you say…de-slide whistles; how do you say…de-giant platform shoes; how do you say…de-speaking le fake French; how do you say…de-Bootsy Collins (and de-Q-Tip!)
DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince- Summertime
American values represented: Finding a way to use up gasoline even if you’re just sitting at a table
Bad Religion- Infected
American values represented: Punk rock nerds; some shit going down at the drive-in; Erik Estrada
Wu-Tang Clan- Da Mystery of Chessboxin’
American values represented: Writing like people talk; using people as pawns; turning anything into a bloodsport; hanging out together without telling Redman
Madonna- Justify My Love
American values represented: Getting freaky on vacation; quaint, old-timey definitions of too raunchy for cable tv; being reminded that there was a time before rolling suitcases
Wax- California
American values represented: This is fine
It’s somehow an even more weird than usual time to be an American, but I hope the Americados have a great July 4th weekend anyway. Non-American ‘cados, have a great…also July 4th weekend (4 July weekend?), hopefully with less baggage. Stay cool and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Sorry so many of these videos feature people in jackets. And for the one where the guy is literally on fire. Be nice to each other today, be nice to the mods, and don’t threaten Mayor McSquirrel, even if he did tell you that it would be totally okay to ford that river.
- You do NOT have to put it on; it’s too hot for that shit ↩︎