Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties opened on this day 20 years ago. I am under contractual obligation to cover it because Garfield. Garfield owns my soul. If I don’t do this, I will go to Garfield Hell, and there is no lasagna there.
Despite the Dickensian pun of a title, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties is actually a loose retelling of The Prince and the Pauper. The movie seems to be under the impression that counts as a fairy tale given it has a storybook opening showing Garfield chasing Little Red Riding Hood around presumably so he can eat her. Maybe. Anyway, The Prince and the Pauper is a novel by Mark Twain! Do better, Garfield!
Um…what else is there for me to say here? Did the movie have any fast food toys? I mean, it had a DS game, but I haven’t ever played it, so I’m…not sure what I can say about that. I mean, besides the fact that this upload of the video game trailer censors the term “fat cat” for some reason, because no one will body-shame Garfield, apparently (even though he’s proud to be fat, meaning Garfield is body-positive, meaning Garfield is woke).
Huh.
Um…Tim Curry voiced the Garfield clone. Or maybe it was Garfield’s long lost brother. Or maybe he was a cat from outer space. Anyway, it was Tim Curry so it was funny.
Billy Connolly was the bad guy. His name was “Lord Dargis” which sounds like a bad guy name (sorry, regular Avocado user “Lord Dargis”–I mean no offense!). He wanted Tim Curry cat for reasons. I think. Maybe he wanted to eat him. I’m not sure. That would be kind of messed up, actually. I think he just wanted to turn Tim Curry’s castle into a resort, because bad guy. Also the castle had barnyard animals for some reason. Anyway, it was Billy Connolly so it was funny.
Garfield went to London with Jon and took a bath in that tub that women use to wash their unmentionables. This is how I learned such tubs exist. So thanks for that, Garfield. I have learned a lot from you.
Bob Hoskins was a dog and Garfield farted in his face and then Bob Hoskins dog complimented him and fuck it that was pretty funny.
Garfield got thrown in a dungeon. “Finally, I can write that novel.” Fuck it that was pretty funny.
Garfield met Pomni and made passionate love to her. Oh wait, that was just a dream I had last night.
I’m sure there was lasagna at some point. No, wait, there was a full dance number where they all made lasagna. Was this a real movie?
The movie opened against Nacho Libre, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, The Lake House, and the second weekend of Cars. So naturally A Tail of Two Kitties opened to $143 million. Oh wait, that was actually its worldwide total. You know what? That’s more than I thought it made.
There was a scene where Billy Connolly put a metal plate or something in front of his unmentionables in order to prevent himself from getting See Spot Runned. This is the second header I’ve done this week where I’ve referenced that movie. I need help.
Jon and Liz might’ve had a sex scene which Garfield filmed so he could blackmail Jon forever but I don’t think that happened.
I can’t confirm this, but A Tail of Two Kitties was quite possibly the inspiration for the viral fanfiction “Garfield: Royal Rescue”–although Garfield notably didn’t melt anyone’s face off with hot tea at any point in the movie.
See? I wasn’t making that scene up. Maybe this is why the movie was rated PG. I don’t know.
Have a British night, y’all! Wait, I don’t know what that means.