Dr. Fleischman finishes seeing a patient and walks into his waiting room to find Marilyn changing an infant. In their typical way, he asks her questions that she barely answers, and he eventually figures out that some unknown person left this unknown baby in a chair in the lobby. Marilyn hands him the baby and begins to walk out the door. Where is she going? “Get talcum powder.” What is Joel supposed to do with this baby? “Feed her.”
[Cue moose strutting to funky jazz music.]
Fleischman examines the baby with Ed standing by. She’s in perfect health, with no signs of abuse or neglect. Joel asks who would abandon a baby like this. Ed says “My parents.” Oops… But Joel maintains that these situations are different. Ed was left to a support network (his tribe) whereas this baby was just abandoned.
Adam is back at The Brick, being as impatient and grumpy as ever with a friendly and well-meaning Dave the cook. No, Dave, bacon is not a substitute for pancetta! Holling comes out to talk to the fuming gourmand weirdo, who is only cooking in that god-forsaken grease trap to raise money for his coming child. Nevertheless, Holling tells him that nobody is forcing him to be there, and he shouldn’t be stepping on Dave’s feelings. Surprisingly, this seems to get to Adam, who apologizes.
An attractive blonde woman with a very silly early 90s sense of style comes into The Brick and greets Shelly. Shelly is delighted to see “Tammy,” who, it seems, hasn’t been in touch. But she’s also worried. There’s an implication Tammy has been in financial trouble before. But no, Tammy is there to show Shelly her large engagement ring. She’s going to marry her boyfriend (no, not Dale) Kenny, a mechanic in the Army, and they’re moving to San Diego. Shelly excitedly introduces Tammy to Holling. He remembers Tammy, right? She told him all about Tammy. Tammy, who hung out with her and Cynthia. Tammy, who could eat 6 burritos in one sitting. You know, Tammy! Her mom!
Tammy unpacks her ridiculous outfits in Shelly and Holling’s guest room, where the two of them have even more ridiculous conversations. It’s tempting to post quote after quote, but I can’t let this review devolve into a transcription. You’ll just have to watch the episode and hear about Tammy meeting Kenny after the Desert Storm parade while she was playing 8-ball with a feed lot manager at a bar called The Saddle Rash. Back at The Brick, Tammy makes herself popular with the men of Cicely by shaking “the tightest buns in Saskatoon” to the music of Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Joel bumps into a morose Adam and compliments his cooking. To his surprise, Adam doesn’t insult him, nor does he even pick up something sharp and threaten his life. Adam admits that he doesn’t feel like himself. He’s worried about other people’s feelings. He doesn’t like cooking. He’s being nice. He’s… happy. Something is very wrong.
The people of Cicely are, we shouldn’t be surprised by now, pretty nonchalant about having a baby abandoned to them. Chris holds her during his radio show. Holling has her at The Brick. Ruth-Anne carries her while working at the store. Maurice reads to her from Robinson Crusoe. The only clue to her name is the “G” sewn to her clothes, so townspeople write in suggestions. Gertrude? Or Gilda, perhaps.
Kenny comes into The Brick. If you were expecting a worn-out old redneck, think again. He’s a friendly, polite young soldier with a Woody Boyd sort of innocence. And he’s pleased to meet Holling, having heard that Tammy’s sister had taken up with an older guy. “I guess that makes us brother-in-laws! Well, almost.” That night, Tammy’s trashy stories and Kenny’s farm boy naiveté mesh together weirdly well. But Tammy slips a time or two in keeping up the “sisters” ruse. Oh, and in a twist on this already stupid lie, Shelly is supposedly the older sister.
Joel comes home to find Adam straightening up his cabin. He’s only mildly surprised. I guess after 2 1/2 years or 3 months or however long it’s been, he’s used to this kind of thing. He diagnoses Adam with Couvade syndrome. Sympathetic pregnancy. He’s showing the physical manifestations of his wife’s condition.
Shelly confronts Tammy–not just about the lie, but about a lot of stuff leading up to it. “I’m the one who had to pay the phone bill. I’m the one who had to get the cat dipped. I’m the one who had to stand in line all night for front-row tickets.” Tammy was the one who borrowed her angora sweater without permission and spilled wine on it. Shelly tells her she’s had enough of being her older sister and she won’t play along anymore.
Joel comes home from a jog in his Columbia sweatshirt (à la the pilot episode) to find Adam preparing a meal for Baby G and lecturing her on the importance of developing her taste buds. Adam’s feeling a lot, uh “better,” which Joel chalks up to him being in the second trimester of his pseudo-pregnancy. Adam leaves to be with his budding family, but not before instructing Joel on how to properly feed the baby. Oh, and to Joel’s surprise, there’s a Pop-Tart in the toaster. Is Adam lightening up a little?
Tammy leaves a half-ass apology note and disappears, leaving a confused Kenny scrambling to find her. Shelly, used to this nonsense, finds her sitting in the theater. Tammy admits to never having been a good mom–or much of a mom at all. Shelly assures her that she was a great mom. The best, even. “Who else’s mom knew how to head-bang?” And besides, if Tammy hadn’t been irresponsible, she wouldn’t have gotten knocked up and had Shelly. Tammy is relieved Shelly didn’t tell Kenny the truth. She swears she’s going to tell him on her own. Shelly smiles. “I know, Mom. I know.”
Joel excitedly brings a bag of stuff he’s bought for the baby to his office, where Marilyn informs him the baby’s mother came back and picked her up. Joel is sad and concerned. This woman abandoned her baby. What if she does it again–and this time at a truck stop or something? But Marilyn says she won’t. “She knew we’d take care of her.”
Shelly and Holling bid Tammy and Kenny adieu, with Shelly acting the role of the mother, telling Tammy to bring a sweater and wear a seat belt, and here are some cookies for the road. The older sister and the almost brother-in-law wave goodbye to the crazy kids as they head out to San Diego.
At this point we’ve looked back into most of the main bunch’s past and, directly or indirectly, their family lives. For example, we know Maurice’s bravado comes from his father and brothers–gruff, overachieving pilots whose high expectations have left the war hero astronaut millionaire insecure and emotionally incomplete. Just as we know O’Connell is still rebelling against her country club WASP parents who, it turns out, were never even happy. Early on, we met Shelly’s sleazebag of a father. We met her idiot child of a first husband. And we met an old frenemy. We’ve had glimpses of her life before Cicely.
But I think this episode is where we really learn what makes Shelly the way she is. And I think anyone who grew up with a parent or parents who weren’t quite grown themselves can relate. Having parents who are more like peers means having to grow up quickly to fill the gaps. And having to grow up quickly is, paradoxically, stunting. Ergo, Shelly: Silly but not stupid. Experienced but naive. Having always had to be the adult, she is forever half a child.
Miscellaneous notes, quotes, and anecdotes:
– The baby had one of those teething rings with little plastic shapes suspended in plastic pods of water. They were meant to be put in the freezer. My little sister had one as a baby a few years before this episode aired. She managed to bite it open and the little plastic fish came out. I imagine the choking hazard this presented is why you don’t see these anymore.
– Adam, on pancetta: “It’s Italian bacon. It’s nothing like bacon!”
– Fun Shelly Earring Alert!: Hula girls! Keys(?) Tropical fish again. Globes.
– Shelly: “Look at the size of that rock! Is it real?” Tammy: “Almost!”
– Maurice: “When I think of mothers it kind of conjures up an image of… Barbara Bush.”
– Chris in the Morning announcement: The theosophy society is holding its annual bake sale and radiator flush outside of the bingo hall. And Ernie and Estelle’s potbelly pig Martha gave birth to piglets.
– Chris apparently knows the etymology of every name right off the top of his head.
– Tammy and Kenny’s first dance was to Paradise City. Wicked Game was their “first time” song.
– Baby G was actually Barbara Jean. The “G” suit was a hand-me-down.
– Maggie was absent from this episode.
– Tammy was played by Wendy Schaal, perhaps most famous as the voice of Francine on American Dad.
– Baby G Barbara Jean would be in her mid-30s now. I wonder who she is.