It’s Playoff Time in both the NHL and PWHL! Who will hoist the Stanley Cup? Who will hoist the Walter Cup?
NHL
Round One is in the past
After a wild regular season, the Stanley Cup Playoffs are here! Let’s look at the matchups. Hey, where’s Boston? Philadelphia? Pittsburgh? New York(both of them)? Detroit? Chicago? Let’s look at the First Round matchups with my predictions along with the predictions of my Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™
Eastern Conference:
Washington Capitals vs Montreal Canadiens
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All times EDT)
Game 1: WSH – MTL Monday April 21 7:00pm
Game 2: WSH – MTL Wednesday April 23 7:00pm
Game 3: MTL – WSH Friday April 25 7:00pm
Game 4: MTL – WSH Sunday April 27 6:30pm
*Game 5: WSH – MTL Wednesday April 30 TBD
*Game 6: MTL – WSH Friday May 2 TBD
*Game 7: WSH – MTL Sunday May 4 TBD
*if necessary
Last in War! Last in Peace! First Place in the NHL East! The Capitals might not be the only team in DC captained by a Russian asset but they are by far the better one. The storied Canadiens barely squeaked into the playoffs so, naturally, fans are already camping out on rue Sainte-Catherine for the Stanley Cup victory parade!
My Prediction: Habs in 6
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™ Prediction: My stepdad (no, the new one) let me watch Fight Club so now I know everything! Capitals in 5
Toronto Maple Leafs vs Ottawa Senators
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All times EDT)
Game 1: TOR – OTT Sunday April 20 7:00pm
Game 2: TOR – OTT Tuesday April 22 7:30pm
Game 3: OTT – TOR Thursday April 24 7:00pm
Game 4: OTT – TOR Saturday April 26 7:00pm
*Game 5: TOR – OTT Tuesday April 29 TBD
*Game 6: OTT – TOR Thursday May 1 TBD
*Game 7: TOR – OTT Saturday May 3 TBD
*if necessary
Its the Battle of Ontario as the long suffering Toronto Maple Leafs take on the long suffering Ottawa Senators in a series that might go long but is all but guaranteed to be full of suffering
My Prediction: Leafs in 5
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™ Prediction: Game 1 is on 420! Getting drunk on my stepdad’s (the old one) expired Nyquil is just like smoking weed, right? Marijuana Leafs in 4…20! Nice!
Tampa Bay Lightning vs Florida Panthers
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All times EDT)
Game 1: TB – FLA Tuesday April 22 8:30pm
Game 2: TB – FLA Thursday April 24 6:30pm
Game 3: FLA – TB Saturday April 26 1:00pm
Game 4: FLA – TB Monday April 28 TBD
*Game 5: TB – FLA Wednesday April 30 TBD
*Game 6: FLA – TB Friday May 2 TBD
*Game 7: TB – FLA Sunday May 4 TBD
*if necessary
When the red hot Tampa Bay Lightning take on intrastate rivals and defending Stanley Cup Champions Florida Panthers; the ice in the Sunshine State is gonna burn! These two teams don’t like each other very much, but that’s alright; few people like them either.
My Prediction: Lightning in 6
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™ Prediction: Hey, <indeterminate slur> Panthers in 7
Carolina Hurricanes vs New Jersey Devils
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All times EDT)
Game 1: CAR – NJ Sunday April 20 3:00pm
Game 2: CAR – NJ Tuesday April 22 6:00pm
Game 3: NJ – CAR Friday April 25 8:00pm
Game 4: NJ – CAR Sunday April 27 3:30pm
*Game 5: CAR – NJ Tuesday April 29 TBD
*Game 6: NJ – CAR Friday May 2 TBD
*Game 7: CAR – NJ Sunday May 4 TBD
How many times are these two teams gonna play each other in a postseason? Hey, Hockey Gods, you know you can have a playoff that doesn’t have Carolina vs New Jersey, right…. Right?!?
My Prediction: ‘Canes in 6
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™ Prediction: *doesn’t even bother to look up from phone* Hurricanes in 6
Western Conference:
Winnipeg Jets vs St Louis Blues
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All times EDT)
Game 1: WPG – STL Saturday April 19 6:00pm
Game 2: WPG – STL Monday April 21 7:30pm
Game 3: STL – WPG Thursday April 24 9:30pm
Game 4: STL – WPG Sunday April 27 1:00PM
*Game 5: WPG – STL Wednesday April 30 TBD
*Game 6: STL – WPG Friday May 2 TBD
*Game 7: WPG – STL Sunday May 4 TBD
*won’t be necessary
The Jets won the regular season Presidents Trophy; is it still a curse if a Canadian team wins it? Don’t bother getting to attached to the Blues, they won’t be around for very long
My Prediction: Jets in 4
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™ Prediction: Last night your mom said Jets in 5
Dallas Stars vs Colorado Avalanche
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All times EDT)
Game 1: DAL – COL Saturday April 19 8:30pm
Game 2: DAL – COL Monday April 21 9:30pm
Game 3: COL – DAL Wednesday April 23 9:30pm
Game 4: COL – DAL Saturday April 26 9:30pm
*Game 5: DAL – COL Monday April 28 TBD
*Game 6: COL – DAL Thursday May 1 TBD
*Game 7: DAL – COL Saturday May 3 TBD
I’m still not entirely convinced the Dallas Stars actually exist. The Avalanche are a team built for the playoffs; with substandard materials of course, but how much do you really need when playing a figment of someone’s imagination
My Prediction: Avs in 6
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™ Prediction: *scratches an anarchy symbol into stepdad’s(don’t know which one, I’ve lost track) ‘97 Honda Civic*… Sid Vicious Lives! Stars in 7
Vegas Golden Knights vs Minnesota Wild
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All times EDT)
Game 1: VGK – MIN Sunday April 20 10:00pm
Game 2: VGK – MIN Tuesday April 22 11:00pm
Game 3: MIN- VGK Thursday April 24 9:00pm
Game 4: MIN – VGK Saturday April 26 4:00pm
*Game 5: VGK – MIN Tuesday April 29 TBD
*Game 6: MIN – VGK Thursday May 1 TBD
*Game 7: VGK – MIN Saturday May 3 TBD
*if necessary
The Vegas Golden Knights are a team looking to get back to, albeit evil, respectability. The Minnesota Wild are a team!… A team with players!… Players that play hockey!… Hockey on Ice!
My Prediction: Knights in 5
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™ Prediction: *overheard while doing yard work* I DONT CARE IF IT’S A SCHOOL NIGHT, MOM! YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER! KNIGHTS IN 6!
Los Angeles Kings vs Edmonton Oilers
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All times EDT)
Game 1: LA – EDM Monday April 21 10:00pm
Game 2: LA – EDM Wednesday April 23 10:00pm
Game 3: EDM – LA Friday April 25 10:00pm
Game 4: EDM – LA Sunday April 27 9:30pm
*Game 5: LA – EDM Tuesday April 29 TBD
*Game 6: EDM – LA Thursday May 1 TBD
*Game 7: LA – EDM Saturday May 3 TBD
There are only three things in life that are certain; Death, Taxes, and the Oilers knocking out the Kings out of the NHL Playoffs in seven games
My Prediction: Oilers in 7
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor™ Prediction: You got pwned! How does that bag of dicks taste, noob?! Epic fail yeet yeet hawk tuah yolo swag lol dab memes Kings in 7!
The Quarterfinals are behind us
The Washington Capitals turn to the dark side is complete after massacring the youngling Montreal Canadiens. The Carolina Hurricanes scraped the New Jersey Devils off their shoes. The Florida Panthers upped the voltage while knocking out the Tampa Bay Lightning! The Toronto Maple Leafs won the sleepy war of attrition in Ontario against rival Ottawa Senators. The bad boys of Sin City Vegas Golden Knights tamed a scrappy Minnesota Wild. I’m mean, yeah, of course the Edmonton Oilers beat the LA Kings; what sport do you think this is? The Dallas Stars fell in love with life; they were drinking from a fountain; and dispatched Colorado like an Avalanche; coming down the mountain. The Winnipeg Jets beat the Blues so badly St. Louis thinks ‘Black and Blue” is the best Rolling Stones album.
Now, let’s look at the Quarterfinals Matchups along with my predictions and the predictions of my Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor’s Stepfather
Eastern Conference:
Washington Capitals vs Carolina Hurricanes
Schedule
(Home Team listed first. All Times EDT)
Game 1: WSH v CAR – Tuesday, May 6 7pm
Game 2: WSH v CAR – Thursday, May 8 7pm
Game 3: CAR v WSH – Saturday, May 10 TBD
Game 4: CAR v WSH – Monday, May 12 TBD
*Game 5: WSH v CAR – Thursday, May 15 TBD
*Game 6: CAR v WSH – Saturday, May 17 TBD
*Game 7: WSH v CAR – Monday, May 19 TBD
All is not quiet in the Southeastern Front in this soul crushing match up between the Vichy-Washington Capitals and the Carolina Co-belligerent Hurricanes. The only possible outcome is a crushed soul!
My Prediction: it’s been almost 30 years since they stole my Whalers and it still pains
me to root for Carolina, but everything about DC is just too evil now. ‘Canes in 6
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor’s Stepfather Prediction: If you wanna help pay the goddamned bills you can make your own goddamned prediction, as long as you’re living in my house, under my roof; I say Capitals in 7
Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Florida Panthers
Schedule
(Home Team listed First. All Times EDT)
Game 1: TOR v FLA – Monday, May 5 8pm
Game 2: TOR v FLA – Wednesday, May 7 7pm
Game 3: FLA v TOR – Friday, May 9 TBD
Game 4: FLA v TOR – Sunday, May 11 TBD
*Game 5: TOR v FLA – Wednesday, May 14 TBD
*Game 6: FLA v TOR – Friday, 16 TBD
*Game 7: TOR v FLA – Sunday May 18 TBD
*if necessary
The Florida Panther are giving their one fan, what he wants the most; Victory. These Maple Leafs are giving long-suffering fans in Toronto the cruelest gift of them all; Hope. This couldn’t be the year, could it?…
My Prediction: These teams met in the 2023 playoffs; this looks to be the same result. Panthers in 5
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor’s Stepfather Prediction: Who messed with my stereo settings!? Oh and now my Sabbath records are all out of order! I’M GOING OUT FOR SMOKES; Panthers in 6!
Western Conference:
Vegas Golden Knights vs Edmonton Oilers
Schedule
(Home Team listed First. All Times (EDT)
Game 1: VGK v EDM – Tuesday, May 6 9:30pm
Game 2: VGK v EDM – Thursday, May 8 9:30pm
Game 3: EDM v VGK – Saturday, May 10 TBD
Game 4: EDM v VGK – Monday, May 12 TBD
*Game 5: VGK v EDM – Wednesday, May 14 TBD
*Game 6: EDM v VGK – Friday, May 16 TBD
*Game 7: VGK v EDM – Sunday, May 18 TBD
*if necessary
The Vegas Golden Knights took a gamble when they added Dick Dastardly and his Really Rottens to the lineup but it seems to have worked. The Edmonton Oilers need to focus on the series at hand put aside the hatred towards Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
My Prediction: Oilers in 6
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor’s Stepfather Prediction: (No Data)
Winnipeg Jets vs Dalllas Stars
Schedule
(Home Team listed First. All Times (EDT)
Game 1: WPG v DAL – Wednesday, May 7 9:30pm
Game 2: WPG v DAL – Friday, May 9 9:30pm
Game 3: DAL v WPG – Sunday, May 11 4:30pm
Game 4: DAL v WPG – Tuesday, May 13 8pm
*Game 5: WPG v DAL – Thursday, May 15 TBD
*Game 6: DAL v WPG – Saturday, May 17 TBD
*Game 7: WPG v DAL – Monday, May 19 TBD
*if necessary
The high flying Dallas Stars are somebody’s fantasy team somewhere. Not mine though, my fantasy team has more fireball spells, nudity, and the 1986 Hartford Whalers. After a wild first round series ending in an epic game 7; the Winnipeg Jets are contemplating the bold strategy of pulling their goalie for the entire series
My Prediction: They may be incredibly shaky in goal but after that epic game 7 in the first round I’m thinking Jets in 6
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor’s Stepdad(the new one)’s Prediction: If you wanna help pay the goddamned bills you can make your own goddamned prediction, as long as you’re living in my house, under my roof; I say Stars in 7
The Semifinals are here!
The Semifinals are here!
That was a wild and unpredictable quarterfinals, wasn’t it?… no, not really, actually. In the Western Conference, The Edmonton Oilers were all gassed up while putting down the Vegas Golden Knights while the Dallas Stars broke the hearts of the Winnipeg Jets in more ways than in one. Over in the Eastern Conference, the Carolina Hurricanes blew around an oddly unproductive Washington Capitals. The Florida Panthers raked the Toronto Maple Leafs in the most Toronto Maple Leafs way possible
Let’s look at the Semifinals matchups with my prediction with prediction help from my Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor’s Goth Poseur Girlfriend
Eastern Conference
Carolina Hurricanes vs. Florida Panthers
Schedule
Home Team listed first, All times EDT
Game 1: CAR v FLA – Tuesday, May 20 8pm
Game 2: CAR v FLA – Thursday, May 22 8pm
Game 3: FLA v CAR – Saturday, May 24 8pm
Game 4: FLA v CAR – Monday, May 26 8pm
*Game 5: CAR v FLA – Wednesday, May 28 8pm
*Game 6: FLA v CAR – Friday, May 30 8pm
*Game 7: CAR v FLA – Sunday, June 1 8pm
They weren’t very impressive against the Capitals, but the Carolina Hurricanes have the tools and the talent to carry them into the finals, or do they!? The Florida Panthers have gone from Star Wars Sith Lord Evil to straight up Wizard of Oz Flying Monkey Evil!
My Prediction: Carolina in 7
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor’s Goth Poseur Girlfriend Prediction: Can I get a ride to the Mall; I need to go to Hot Topic for my 27th Jack Skellington T-shirt. I think Panther’s in 6 because Hot Topic had a Hello Kitty dressed in Florida Panthers bondage gear poster
Western Conference
Dallas Stars vs. Edmonton Oilers
Schedule
Home Team listed first. All times EDT
Game 1: DAL v EDM – Wednesday, May 21 8pm
Game 2: DAL v EDM – Friday, May 23 8pm
Game 3: EDM v DAL – Sunday, May 25 3pm
Game 4: EDM v DAL – Tuesday, May 27 8pm
*Game 5: DAL v EDM – Thursday, May 29 8pm
*Game 6: EDM v DAL – Saturday, May 31 8pm
*Game 7: DAL v EDM – Monday, June 2 8pm
*if necessary
The Edmonton Oilers, the last hope of Canada, are looking for a return trip to the Stanley Cup Finals hoping to avenge last year’s defeat. The Dallas Stars backed by amazing goaltending from Jake Ottenger, have proven to even the snooty upperclass New England elitist hockey snobs that they’re a worth team and can win it all… but I’m too much of a snooty upperclass New England elitist hockey snob to admit that!
My Prediction: Oilers in 6
Annoying Teenage Edgelord Neighbor’s Goth Poseur Girlfriend Prediction: I, like, wish Dallas was Emo so they, you know, would High Stick themselves, like, Stars in, like, 6
PWHL
The PWHL Playoffs are here!
The sophomore season of the PWHL was an exiting as the first. The biggest change from the inaugural season is that the teams now have names. The league also announced expansion teams in Vancouver and Seattle that’ll begin play next season. The future looks bright for professional women’s hockey! But we’re here to talk about the here and now… The 2025 Walter Cup Playoffs! The Montréal Victoire were the top team for most of the season, with the Toronto Scepters right on their tails. Then there was a traffic jam for the remaining two playoffs spots between the Ottawa Charge, defending champion Minnesota Frost, and last year’s Walter Cup runners-up, Boston Fleet. The three teams finished the season in a three way tie. Boston looked like they were heading for the playoffs once again, but faltered at the finish; losing the tiebreakers to Ottawa and Minnesota. The PWHL format is different from the NHL. First of all there are no conferences; the top seed, this year Montreal, gets to pick their first round opponent between the between third and fourth seeds, Ottawa and Minnesota respectively. The second seed, Toronto, faces the unselected team. This add another layer to competition, last year’s top seed Toronto picked Minnesota for an ‘easier’ series, but it ended up blowing up in their faces. The other noticeable difference in the PWHL is that the series are Best-of-Five, making for a tighter series with little margin of error!
The PWHL games will be broadcast on TSN in Canada and streaming on YouTube in the USA/Worldwide
PWHL Past
Here the first round matchups with my predictions with help from the predictions of a Screaming Teenager at a Beatles Concert in 1964!
Montréal Victoire vs. Ottawa Charge
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All Times EDT)
Game 1: MTL v OTT – Thursday, May 8 7pm
Game 2: MTL v OTT – Sunday, May 11 TBD
Game 3: OTT v MTL – TBD
*Game 4: OTT v MTL – TBD
*Game 5: MTL v MTL – TBD
*if necessary
Montreal chose Ottawa as their opponent. Have the Victorie taken the easy route to the finals or will the Charge make them regret it!?
My Prediction: Montreal in 4
Screaming Teenager at a Beatles Concert in 1964 Prediction: I LOVE YOU PAUL! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! RINGO LOOKED RIGHT AT ME! *hands on cheeks* RINGO LOOKED RIGHT AT ME! SCCRRRREEEEEEEEE! GEOOOOOORGE! AHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA! *grabs hair while shaking head* JOHN YOU’RE MY FAVORITE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!!!! MONTREAL IN 3!
Toronto Scepters vs Minnesota Frost
Schedule
(Home Teams listed first. All Times EDT)
Game 1: TOR v MIN – Wednesday, May 7 7pm
Game 2: TOR v MIN – Friday, May 8 7pm
Game 3 MIN v TOR – TBD
*Game 4 MIN v TOR – TBD
*Game 5 TOR v MIN – TBD
*if necessary
It’s a rematch of last year’s first round series in which the underdog ((newly christened) Frost beat the (now named) Scepters on their way to winning the Walter Cup. We’ve got a Minnesota team looking for a repeat championship up against Toronto’s proud tradition of playoff hockey flops! Anything can and just might happen!
My Prediction: Toronto in 3
Screaming Teenager at a Beatles Concert in 1964 Prediction: THEY’RE PLAYING YOU CAN’T DO THAT! THAT’S MY FAVORITE SONG AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! *hands on cheeks* CAN’T BUY ME LOVE! IT’S CAN’T BUY ME LOVE! THAT’S MY ALL TIME FAVORITE!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEWEEEEEEEEAAAAA!!! *crying* I’M CRYING IT’S MY FAVORITE SONG I WANNA HOLD YOU HAND! SREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEAAA! MINNESOTA IN 5! *swoons*
It’s all come down to this: The Walter Cup Finals are here and now!
For the second time in the PWHL short history the two underdogs knocked out the higher seeds in the first round of the playoffs! Its seems the Montreal Victoire should change their name to the Montreal Défaite after losing to the upstart Ottawa Charge; an opponent that the Victoire chose to play. The defending Minnesota Frost are proving that last year’s inaugural championship was no fluke after shutting down the Toronto Scepters for the second year in a row. So here we are in the Walter Cup Finals! Can the scrappy underdog Ottawa Charge pull of the upset, or will the Minnesota Frost establish themselves as the first dynasty of the PWHL? Since we’ve got a matchup between a Canadian team and a team from USA, along with my prediction; I’ve flipped two quarters, one Canadian one American, up to five times to help predict a winner!
Ottawa Charge vs. Minnesota Frost
Schedule
Home Teams listed first. All times EDT
Game 1: OTT – MIN (Tuesday, May 20 7pm)
Game 2: OTT – MIN (Thursday, May 22 7pm)
Game 3 MIN – OTT (Saturday, May 24 5pm)
*Game 4: MIN – OTT (Monday, May 26 5pm)
*Game 5: OTT – MIN (Wednesday May 28 7pm)
*if necessary
My Prediction – My head thinks the Frost, but I’m going with Ottawa Charge in 4
The American Quarter: Flip Washington Prediction –
Heads-Minnesota Tails-Ottawa
Game 1: Ottawa
Game 2: Ottawa
Game 3: Minnesota
Game 4: Ottawa
Ottawa Charge in 4!
The Canadian Quarter: Jean-Luc “Loonie” LeChance’s Prediction –
Heads-Minnesota Tails-Ottawa
Game 1: Minnesota
Game 2: Ottawa
Game 3: Ottawa
Game 4: Minnesota
Game 5: Minnesota
Minnesota Frost in 5!
Who will win the 2025 Walter Cup!