Welcome to the Preterite Shopping Network! Today we’re offering all of the stuff left behind by my family members after our big Christmas Eve party! Supplies are strictly limited, so be sure to get your orders in now to avoid disappointment! Let’s dive in!
Item #45923. Nothing says Christmas like something that says Christmas! This delightful serving plate says “Cookies for Santa”, which is not exactly the same thing but kinda is. Note the ding in the upper right – our expert staff informs me that this gritty little divot actually helps you keep your grip on the plate, even when loaded down with gluten-free goodies!
Item #63741. “Every Day is Halloween” according to the old song, and it’s certainly true when you own this delightful treat tray! Fashioned out of orange plastic bright enough to double as a hazard reflector, this pumpkin platter is durable and easy to clean. “Bop-bop,” indeed!
Item #51287. A delightful pseudo-Pyrex baking dish! Was it used to whip up a batch of delicious brownies? Or a tasty casserole? Or some nasty-ass garlic spinach dip? We didn’t do a very good job of cleaning the dish, so I bet you could figure it out if you tried.
Item #34668. THIS IS MINE NOW. IT IS MINE.
Item #87737. Christmas of ’94, I was driving home late after visiting some relatives in Indiana. It had been a long week of running errands and chauffering family members around and I was pretty knackered. A big winter storm blew up and visibility was shit, but luckily there weren’t any other cars on the highway to worry about. Pretty soon I was near-hypnotized by the rhythm of the windshield wipers and close to dozing. Suddenly, a figure crossed into the road before me! I tried to swerve but couldn’t gain much traction on the snowy tarmac and therefore couldn’t completely avoid whatever it was. The impact spun the whole car around, leaving me facing the wrong way on the highway. The light of my headlights stabbed into the darkness I had just exited. There wasn’t anything else visible on the road. However, there was a patch of unmoving shadow on the edge of the shoulder right where I had skidded out, but it could have been just a clump of snow. I debated getting out to check, but just then I could see approaching headlights not too far away, so I focused on getting my car turned round the right way and then slowly drove off. Sometimes that moment comes back to me in the middle of the night, and I can’t get back to sleep until I manage to convince myself that I hit a deer or a coyote and not a Dracula. Anyway, this is a delightful ceramic platter with imitation gold fillagree around the edge.
Item #22439. This delightful cake carrier features a lightweight plastic dome and base plate. If you don’t have any cakes, it would make a spiffy cover for your Batphone.
And that wraps up today’s items! Have a terrific Day Thread and don’t get banned or nothing.