We open on a sad car ride, presumably away from a visit to Andy in the psychiatric facility. Kristen gets home and cries immediately and I want to hug her. So does the Demon of Grief but in a much less wholesome way. David and Ben call her to let her know there’s been a botched exorcism by a rogue priest. The woman who was exorcised is covered in boils and lesions. She was also a flight attendant.
Kristen is telling Ben and David about Andy and while I love seeing them support her, I do wonder about Andy’s privacy. The team is now talking to a den of flight attendants and there’s a funny little Mike Flanagan reference. And speaking of other shows, one of the other attendants is Grace from the absolutely incredible Interview with the Vampire. If you aren’t watching, you should be. Anyway, these attendants are very chill about “exorcism assessors” showing up. They share the legend of the ghost pilot Lemire. But they ALSO share that this woman was a mule, and she hid a mysterious item in the galley during her last flight. She told someone “I need to destroy it, or it will destroy me”, which would definitely get major side eye from me.
Of course, this means the team has to go see this mysterious item, which looks like medical bag from Hellraiser and contains…a piece of the Holy Cross, maybe? It’s just a chunk of wood. And I guessed right! Thank you, Ned Flanders. The Vatican obviously wants the relic, and I have a lot of questions about how anyone actually believes this would be preserved through history, but I realize THIS being where I can no longer suspend my disbelief is ridiculous.
Only 13 minutes to credits has got to be an Evil record. The skip credit threat is “How to stop the haunting…watch the intro twice”.
Kristen is leaving instructions with the babysitter who for some reason knows about her stolen egg. I guess she’s a friend, but I don’t recall ever meeting her on the show before. Kristen, Ben and David are on a flight to bring the relic to the Vatican so Kristen will be gone for almost two days. The babysitter is immediately called away, so the girls are home alone. They’ve got to go to the basement to reset the circuit breaker. Honestly Kristen should have shown them how to do this a long time ago. This is the perfect time to ask Lynn about her nunnery plans, little sis. As punishment for trying to have an emotional talk, the girls are attacked by bats. In desperation, they call Sheryl.
The team is in Rome, driving to drop off the relic. Kristen, even if the priests do not know English, they’re gonna know what almost all those words mean. They’re driven to a mysterious building with tunnels. If this is an escape tunnel for the Pope, couldn’t the Vatican spring for some lighting? Turns out the relic is a counterfeit. So the team is back to square one as to why the flight attendant (thanks for saying her name, I forgot it: Vicki) was sick. David is to pour holy water over her boils and tell her the relic was fake because I guess this is some kind of psychosomatic boil.
Sheryl has brought the Antichrist to see the girls. There’s no way the girl who says she can start babysitting at 14 isn’t already 14. But I’m terrible about guessing the ages of children.
The team is on the flight back home and the flight attendant who worked with Vicki, Tori, is on the flight. They tell her the relic is still here because it’s a counterfeit, but she remains worried. Kristen REALLY wants a drink. David gets a call in the middle of the flight and of course the relic is real…kind of. The box is a demonic relic that is part of bringing “the ultimate evil to New York”. The plane is experiencing severe turbulence, and a demonic voice is coming over the speakers. David is seeing a ghost that looks like it is probably pilot Lemire. He pours holy water all over the box and it burns it, melting it away in a way that probably smells absolutely terrible. Immediately, the turbulence and demons stop.
Sheryl tells the girls that Timothy the Antichrist is their brother and THE END.