Mickey Vs. Winnie is an upcoming slasher movie which, allegedly, is going to exist someday. It will finally pit horror icons Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh against each other, something fans of the genre have been anticipating for decades. Below is the 100% real plot summary which I am not in any way making up…
“The film follows two convicts in the 1920s who escape into a cursed forest only to be dragged and consumed into the depths of the dark forest’s muddy heart. A century later, a group of thrill-seeking friends unknowingly venture into the same woods. Their Airbnb getaway takes a horrifying turn when the convicts mutate into twisted versions of childhood icons Mickey Mouse & Winnie-The-Pooh, and emerge to terrorize them. A night of violence and gore erupts, as the group of friends battle against their now monstrous beloved childhood characters and fight to break free from the forest’s grip. In a horrific spectacle, Mickey and Winnie clash, painting the woods in a gruesome tableau of blood-a chilling testament to the curse’s insidious power.”
Now, as you can imagine, the internet has been going nuts trying to guess who will win the big Disney character brawl. Well, this might be a hot take, but l’m just going to say it: I don’t think Winnie the Pooh stands a chance. I think Mickey is going to tear his yellow ass off.
I know you hardcore Pooh fans are going to have none of this, but hear me out. How many weaknesses does Mickey actually have? The answer is none. Mickey is nearly 100 years old and has only grown more powerful with time. And unlike Pooh, he works out for purposes beyond merely improving his appetite. We are talking a guy who coined the term “Mousekersize” for fuck’s sake! And also, Mickey has no honey addiction to hold him back during battle. All he has to do is hide a grenade in a pot of honey and that silly old bear is history.
Have a great night, y’all! And who do YOU think will win?