Jerry frightens a massage therapist. George becomes upset about his sexuality when he receives a massage from a man. Jerry and George get notes covering their massages from Jerry’s dentist friend, causing him to get investigated for insurance fraud. Kramer sees Joe DiMaggio in a donut shop.
Written by: Larry David
Directed by: Tom Cherones
In my experience, people tend to think of Seinfeld ageing pretty well in its approach to queerness. We’re a long way from “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”, but we already have a perfectly good gay panic story here with George and the male masseuse demonstrating exactly why the show made it work. The reason many – including your less-than-humble writer here – dislike gay panic jokes is because they tend to play up the ‘gay’ part; more often than not, the joke is that the straight protagonist is so masculine that it’s ludicrous to imagine him acting gay, and at their worst the joke is that gay (especially camp and femme-presenting) men are scary threats to their masculinity. Seinfeld always works because it emphasises the ‘panic’ aspect.
This is simply another thing George is overly neurotic about. I love that he apparently keeps track of where precisely a man’s hand must be relative to his dick for it to be actually gay because it’s just as much an expression of his obsessive need to control everything as anything else he does. It’s also notable to me that he’s the only one who actually cares about this; neither Elaine nor Jerry even thought about it in relation to a male masseuse until George says it outright to them. George’s whole thing is making up random rules for the world to simultaneously pretend he has control over the world and, ironically, undermine any sense of control he actually has. I absolutely love how Jason Alexander plays George all through this – with his shirt off, he looks as tightly wound as a spring. It’s what happens when your first, second, third, fourth, and fifth priority is being funny.
TOPICS O’ THE WEEK
- I love that there’s so much here and the gay panic plot is simply the meatiest.
- Jerry’s standup about how not every doctor can be the best is one of my favourites of his (“Oh you know Bob? I’ll give you the real medicine.”). His final routine is also an incredibly funny and typically bone-headedly literal (and yet, typically offbeat) take on homophobia, too.
- The opening scene of Jerry babbling at the massage therapist’s is a very Larry David moment. We rightfully shit on Seinfeld’s acting, but he does bring a very different quality to these Larry David moments than either Jason Alexander or the man himself; Alexander would find gradients between George’s understanding of the situation, David would realise how he was coming off and overcorrect, and Seinfeld plays it as if he’s not even really listening to himself. I love his justification later, too, where he says he was just trying to make conversation ‘for her’, worried that she’s bored doing what she does.
- This is a really great episode for Michael Richards as Kramer, too. I love how much physicality he brings to Kramer – he bangs on the table with the force of a brick wall, and he puts so much into every movement he makes. It’s a dry run for his “Now I’m drivin’ the bus!” monologue.
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