We’re on film three, people. Only…21 more to go? Yeah, in it for the long haul.
So today we’re looking at Christmas Scavenger Hunt which had its world premiere on Sunday, November 3rd in the year of our Lord 2019.
Here’s the synopsis:
When Belinda heads back to her hometown for the holidays, things get complicated when she is forced to team up with her ex, Dustin, at the town’s annual Christmas scavenger hunt.
Belinda? I only know of one Belinda and that’s Belinda Carlisle who sang some songs, but I don’t know which ones.
RECAP
Anyway, we begin our story with the standard “Christmas in the Big City” shots. Belinda works at a development firm and is prepping for the holidays. She’s a busy woman but not too busy to buy a gift for her assistant. This establishes that she is kind. Belinda mentions that she’ll be heading home for Christmas with a twinge of hesitation. She’s basically only going to meet her best friend’s fiancé.
Just as she’s wrapping up, her boss jauntily comes in to tell her that someone wants to build condos in her hometown. He dangles the position of “Junior Partner” to get her to work towards securing the deal before the end of the year. He even has the gall to wish Belinda a merry Christmas, as if more work over the holidays is a gift every employee prays to baby Jesus for.
Belinda has a meal with her workaholic boyfriend Logan who doesn’t commit to coming to her hometown for Christmas Day. He’ll “try his best” which is code for “I probably will tell you last minute that I can’t make it, but then I’ll arrive as a surprise so as to create a rift between you and a Hallmark love interest.” He gifts her a locket with a stock photo in it. No joke.
Belinda arrives at home and immediately runs into her ex, Dustin. Within one real-time minute, they discuss their love lives. Belinda takes a few jabs at Dustin, showing that she’s not fully over how crappy their relationship was.
At home, Belinda meets her dad Tom Arnold.
Tom Arnold welcomes Belinda with the warmth and overenthusiasm of a lonely, divorced dad. He’s really excited to be in this movie. Tom Arnold dives into Belinda’s love life, telling her that Logan kinda sucks and commenting that she was once “in love” with Dustin. If this is how conversations went with my father, I probably wouldn’t go home much either.
The next morning, Belinda checks her emails as soon as she wakes up because she is a millennial. She bounds downstairs to have another weird conversation with Tom Arnold. They mention Dustin and Belinda goes off saying that he was very competitive and basically shouldn’t be running the town’s annual Christmas Scavenger Hunt.
It just so happens that Dustin is fixing the sink. His ears suitably burnt, he pops his head up and argues with Belinda, countering that it is actually she who is the competitive one! Tom Arnold tells them that they once made chili together and ate it. After a bit more bickering, Dustin leaves.
Belinda, who is TOTALLY over her ex, asks her father what his deal is. Is Dustin a handyman? Tom Arnold tells her that he only works with his hands like a real man in his spare time. He’s actually in charge of the Textile Heritage Mill and Museum. Dustin has also made it his mission to use the proceeds from the scavenger hunt to restore the place.
Thing is the mill-slash-museum is the location where the dreaded condos are to be built! Belinda checks it out with the owner. He’s hesitant to turn it into crap apartments, but the place is just sucking money away. He asks Belinda to keep quiet about how the mill is struggling because the best way to get the money for a beloved institution and community landmark is to not tell the people.
The lady developer attends the scavenger hunt kick off where participants get randomly paired up. She also meets her friend Faith and the fiancé, but that’s not at all important. Tom Arnold presides over the ceremony. The event is referred to as “The Hunt” which makes it sound much more sinister than it actually is.
Faith is conveniently paired up with her fiancée. Belinda also conveniently gets paired up with Dustin, but that’s actually due to some meddling by her dad. It’s like low stakes election tampering.
Back at home, Tom Arnold eavesdrops on Belinda’s work conversation. He’s worried that his daughter will sell the beloved mill to some yuppies. Belinda’s hands are tied. Tom Arnold gives her a pep talk and informs her that she is a “good girl.”
It’s the day of The Hunt. The naked man has been set loose and all the town’s citizens have gathered together in the barn to collect their weapons of choice. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case. Everyone just gets a text message with the first clue which mentions the words “tall” and “green”. Dustin and Belinda set off to the local Christmas tree farm.
The two reluctant partners slowly saunter through the farm and discuss their current work and love lives. Once they find the perfect tree, they take a detour and drop it off at a lonely old oil tycoon’s house. The old man is happy to receive the tree and weirdly asks Belinda for the town gossip.
The couple takes a picture with the tree and sends it The Hunt organizes. They then head back to The Hunt HQ to receive their next text clue. Not sure why that is, but ok. This clue mentions “white powder” which sends our intrepid team to Miami.
No. Sorry. That’s the movie in my head.
The team goes to build a snowman and argues about the existence of Bigfoot. Please, Jesus, let there be a Bigfoot at the end of the film.
Once they’re done bickering about yetis, they build a terrifying snowman.
Dustin and Belinda have a heart-to-heart. They made a pact that they would go to college together; a pact that Dustin broke. He confesses that he couldn’t go because his father lost his job and Dustin took up the mantle for his family. Why he didn’t tell this to his girlfriend at the time is beyond me. Maybe because she believed in Bigfoot which, to be fair, is a pretty good reason. He doesn’t tell her this and instead says its because he didn’t want to hold her back.
The next clue instructs the team to visit Santa. After getting a pic with the big man, the plot has Dustin walk off scene. Belinda sees Faith and tells her that OMG Dustin is actually a good guy! Faith takes this as a sign that Belinda should marry her high school sweetheart WHICH IS AN INSANE PROPOSITION. Belinda is currently in a long-term relationship! She hasn’t seen Dustin in years! What are these people on?!
The team gets another clue which forces them to do a kind act. They go back to the old oil tycoon to decorate his house. Belinda even invites the old man to her house for Christmas.
Dustin happily tells the old man that the scavenger hunt is going to save the old mill. Belinda weirdly decides that this is the best time to tell both this stranger and her ex that she’s helping make it into condos. Dustin is crestfallen. The oil tycoon says he believes in miracles.
The team returns home to do a gingerbread house montage for the next clue.
They quickly move onto the next clue which requires them to buy a snow globe. The team visits their old music teacher who hoards snow globes. The teacher looks about the age of Dustin, so this is an odd scene to process.
Once that’s through, Belinda and Dustin smash another clue and move onto the next one: making a child’s wish come true. Earlier in the day, the couple met a sadsack kid whose mom is in Afghanistan or wherever we’re warring right now. Dustin took it upon himself to spend the day trying to get the child’s mom home for Christmas. Thanks to what I have to assume is magic, the mother arrives in roughly three hours. She embraces her child to a smattering of applause from the locals.
Dustin and Belinda’s feelings grow stronger. Unfortunately for them, wet blanket Logan arrives to undo all the Christmas sexual tension. He reluctantly joins in on The Hunt but manages to get butter on his Italian tie during the penultimate clue.
The team receives the final clue and get giddy when they discover it’s Christmas karaoke. Logan doesn’t share the sentiment. He complains about the town’s Wi-Fi and mentions that he has to leave on the 26th, even though he said he’d stay longer. He takes a call in the middle of his conversation with Belinda. Dude sucks.
All the scavenger hunt participants have gathered in the town hall and we’re subjected to half of the 12 Days of Christmas, all sung off-key. Once that mess is over, Tom Arnold takes the stage to unveil the winners: Faith and her fiancée, which is genuinely surprising.
Belinda is sad that although The Hunt raised $15,000, the mill still has to be sold. Dustin consoles her and says she did her best. Logan interrupts and berates her for taking part in a scavenger hunt designed to save the mill. Thankfully, we’re spared a domestic because the old oil tycoon takes the stage.
The old guy announces that he’s donating his fossil fuel money to the mill, thereby saving it. Belinda, her work complete, says goodbye to Dustin.
At home, Belinda tries to eat her issues away. Tom Arnold joins which makes Belinda cry.
The next day, she breaks up with Logan and his perpetual five o’clock shadow.
Now single, Belinda strikes while the iron is hot and goes after hunky Dustin. She gives him chili and tells him that she loves him. They start dating again. Dustin spends Christmas with Belinda, Tom Arnold, Tom Arnold’s fully fleshed out love interest, and the old oil tycoon. Dustin gives her a locket that she wanted. FIN.
REVIEW
I don’t have much to say about this one. It combined all of the Hallmark tropes: big city, handy guy, condos, beloved institution that is going to be torn down, douchey boyfriend…and it still managed to be bland.
Rating: 1 out of 5 buttered Italian ties.
STRAY THOUGHTS
- Wow, is this the first time a Hallmark Heroine is in one of the “evil” jobs?
- Tom Arnold is definitely on something.
- I hope this scavenger hunt takes place on a weekend because it runs from 8am to midnight.
- The scene where the kid sees his army mom is so poorly acted, it brought a tear to my eye.
- Why didn’t they shave Logan?
- I’m sorry this was long. I didn’t have time to edit.
- Follow me on Twitter where I’ll probably live tweet when I can.
- Catch up with all of Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas here.
Next up
Picture a Perfect Christmas featuring a photographer that has no plans for Christmas so she goes home.