Adam and Eve pop into Dr. Fleischman’s office for a surprise visit (and the doctor complains that it’s always a surprise visit from them). They want blood tests. They’re getting married. Oh, and Eve has gestational diabetes. Because of course she does.
What’s that, Joel? You thought they were already married? Well no, not quite. Adam referred to Eve as his wife out of some sort of aspirational sense of longing for this perfect specimen of womanhood. Or something. But now they’re actually tying the knot. The thoroughly unpleasant man waxes romantic about this equally unpleasant woman as she looks nonplussed and picks salmon bones from her teeth.
[Cue moose strutting to funky jazz music.]
Bernard is back in town, on his way to Russia to help start up their post-Soviet Union stock market. He and Chris are still vibing, even though (as I predicted) there’s no moth pendant to be seen.
Joel walks into The Brick and sits down by Maggie, only for things to immediately get uncomfortable and for her to leave. (What did he expect?) The people of Cicely are all in on the upcoming wedding. Marilyn leads bar patrons in folding cranes for good luck, and Shelly offers up her bride and groom cake topper from her almost-wedding. The only one not excited seems to be Eve. Her yeah sure whatever agreement to have Shelly as her maid of honor sends the younger woman running off screaming in excitement.
Officer Semanski is also back in town! (Yay!) But she’s not here for a romantic visit. She’s come because a neighbor of Maurice claims he damaged some of his livestock while using explosives to grade a road on his property. “I’m just here to do my job” she tells a heartbroken Minnifield.
Eve approaches Dr. Fleischman with a list of diseases she thinks Adam might have, and he dismisses her concerns. The blood tests were fine. “Get married.” They bump into an uncomfortable Maggie, and Eve chews out Joel for “what happened in Juneau.” Or what she thinks happened, having been informed by Adam, who continues to be creepily knowledgeable but I suppose not infallibly omniscient after all. She refuses to believe Joel when he says they didn’t have sex.
That night, Joel pays Maggie a visit. She insists what they had was fine–a night she’ll never forget, in fact. But then Joel confesses, and she is justifiably angry. Maggie kicks the “hateful, despicable worm” out of her cabin.
Adam and Eve bicker about traditions and social norms. We learn that the long-haired, barefoot, beanie-and-army-jacket-clad forest dweller who talks to trees has some conservative views on the subject of marriage. We also learn that the medicine-gobbling Eve is a Christian Scientist and that the supposed commando/CIA spook/whatever who’s constantly threatening people is a Quaker.
Just as Adam agrees to convert religions, Eve starts making noises and clasping her belly as if she’s in pain. But it turns out she’s (surprise surprise) fine, and she’s not in premature labor. Despite her insistence that she needs to be airlifted to Anchorage, she in fact just has a minor urinary tract infection that is perfectly treatable with some antibiotics. Yes, Dr. Fleischman assures the betrothed couple, you can still get married.
Maurice and Officer Semanski visit the angry neighbor, who is surrounded by absurdly bandaged cows. They argue about whose property the cows were on during Maurice’s blasting, but it turns out (as pointed out by the dutiful lawlady) Farmer Springer was in the right. On the subject of their failed romance, Barbara tells Maurice that he showed his mettle, which I think is high praise from a woman like her.
Joel apologizes for real. OK, well not really, as he continues to insist they were both equally wrong. But he does directly come out and say “I’m sorry I lied to you,” which is big for him. Maggie is still mad… not for the lie, but because he didn’t have sex with her. The one decent thing Joel did in this situation is to not take advantage of a passed-out Maggie, and that’s what she’s mad about. Boy are these two messed up.
Shelly is all in on the wedding, and a guilt-ridden Holling begins to suffer neck pain. Adam pulls him out of his lame bachelor party, and by playing chiropractor, psychologist, and mentor, he fixes Holling’s neck. Joel and Maurice smoke cigars and talk about the differences between men and women. Hold on, I think I found a clip:
Meanwhile, Shelly has a great time throwing a bachelorette party, as Eve wonders what she got herself into. She rants about how rude, touchy, and unreliable Adam is as Marilyn folds cranes and answers in her typical short sentences. Similarly, Maggie rants to Ruth-Anne about Joel and confesses that she kind of liked the idea. Ruth-Anne advises her to go ahead and indulge in the act. If she’s going to torture herself over something anyway, why not go ahead and get the pleasure out of the guilty pleasure?
So Maggie goes to Joel’s cabin and throws herself at him. But after Fleischman gets over the initial awkwardness of the situation and gets into the moment, confessing that he very much wants her, Maggie thanks him and leaves. She got the validation she needed. And as screwed up as this whole situation is… this time I actually got a laugh at Joel’s expense.
Eve begins to walk down the aisle before declaring she can’t go through with the wedding–not because she’s sick or for moral or religious reasons or because Adam is a jerk–but because she is rich. Like, heiress rich. And as ridiculous as these two are, this seems to be true. Why’d she keep it from Adam for 12 years? Well it was none of his business.
Adam: “None of my business? Why was I cursed with a woman like you? You’re nothing but a misery! You’re a knife in my heart! Look, let’s discuss this later. Let’s just get married now.”
Eve confesses she is afraid he will marry her and then take half of everything in a divorce. What are they to do?
And in steps Bernard.
As the two fight over the terms of their prenuptial agreement, it comes out that Eve is the daughter of a the big name in tungsten mining. It explains all the Christmas gifts. (“Lightbulbs, automobile parts, cutlery. What do they have in common?”) It also explains the international travel (which I guess wasn’t all bullshit from Adam).
Holling apologizes to Shelly, seeing how much she loves weddings and all. But she hasn’t been sad and instead compares it to hockey. She enjoys watching other people do it, but that doesn’t mean she wants to be out on the ice. Other women’s weddings are fun for her, and she’s perfectly happy being Holling’s almost-wife. His neck begins to hurt again.
Joel and Maggie talk. He throws in the towel. Tells her she wins. The charade is over. They are too fundamentally different to ever be together, even casually, because they can never even begin to understand one another. Maggie doesn’t seem so sure. “You’re a great kisser,” she says. They are presumably once again flirtatious frenemies.
The couple reaches a prenup agreement, and while Chris is blathering on, Officer Semanski walks in and sits down by Maurice. The absolute weirdos say their “I dos” and kiss. Eve tosses her bouquet behind her, but it lands on the ground. The crowd nervously tiptoes around it. Marriage is great, but not for them. Or not for them right now. Or maybe they just don’t want this particular union’s blessing. And I can’t say I blame them.
Miscellaneous notes, quotes, and anecdotes:
– I seriously doubt Adam not having been truly married to Eve was intended when the characters were introduced, but it doesn’t bother me. Adam has such a muddled background, he’s a character retcons can work well with.
– Adam and Eve were registered at Gump’s, Orgell’s(?), Tiffany’s, and Ruth-Anne’s.
– Bringing back Bernard so quickly seemed an odd choice at the start of the episode… but it made sense in the end.
– He now drives a red Volvo station wagon, instead of the blue one from previous episodes.
– Bernard is driving to Russia, crossing the Bering Strait via a new ferry. This ferry does not exist, and there aren’t even roads in remote West Alaska or East Russia.
– Cute moment: Maggie praises some bearded lumberjack-looking guy’s origami crane.
– Maurice’s neighbor is named Ivory Springer. Really? I wonder if he’s related to Soapy Sanderson. I wonder if he has two PhDs.
– I don’t have enough of a keen eye for furniture or decor to compare Maggie’s new place to her old one.
– Chris and Bernard once again play the supposed “juju from Nigeria” music nobody can apparently identify.
– Fun Shelly Earring Alert!: (Easter[?]) Bunnies!
– Adam wears a plaid tux and his usual no shoes and blue beanie to his wedding. Eve wears tons of lace and an overly large hat (though to be fair, this seems to have been at Shelly’s direction).
– Eve claims to be worth $22 million. That’s about $51 million in 2026 money.
– It’s ironic that Adam, who seems to know just about everything about everybody, hadn’t researched his partner of over a decade, or even used some basic reasoning to figure out the obvious.
– Biggest Laugh:
Eve: “Where do you think all the money for the trips came from? China, Switzerland, Senegal?”
Adam: “You said that was from our frequent flyer mileage!”