Celine Song’s film, Materialists, contrasts a formula romcom with a bleak satire. Dakota Johnson plays a cynical New York matchmaker. She’s boiled her job down to a math equation. She rattles off peoples’ weights, heights, ages and incomes with the dulcet tones of a serial killer. We meet her talking a scared client into a wedding she doesn’t want with chilly efficiency. Somehow this charms two potential suitors: a billionaire (Pedro Pascal) and a cater waiter (Chris Evans). Hallmark rules tell us how this will resolve. But Johnson and Song fight it every step of the way. The results are frustrating and fascinating.

Johnson spends her first dates rattling off her shortcomings. Her self-esteem is in the toilet. Yet Pascal insists she has “intangible assets.” While Evans clings to the relationship they had 10 years ago. Song never calls out the fact that these men don’t really see Johnson. There’s a surreal humor in the way they ignore her robotic, near-sociopathic, behavior.

There’s a more interesting storyline happening at Johnson’s workplace. Here’s where I enter spoiler territory. A trigger warning is also required. One of the firms’ clients (Zoe Winters) is sexually assaulted by a man Johnson had set her up with. Johnson’s boss (Marin Ireland) coolly assures her that she’s not legally responsible. That such an incident is simply a risk of dating. It’s a shattering moment that the film never recovers from. Folks have criticized Song using an assault to inspire the heroine’s personal growth. The film almost realizes this, giving Winters two powerful scenes that render the love triangle pointless. (For a stronger film from a victim’s perspective, check out Eva Victor’s Sorry, Baby.)

The third act dips into a sentimentality that can feel like a slap in the face. Johnson rejects math for empathy. She makes a choice that will satisfy some viewers and enrage others. I found she never addressed her low self-worth, or the past trauma that fueled it.  I can’t fully recommend Materialists. The film ignores as many issues as it raises. But I’m still thinking about it.

The Math of Love Triangles

• $98,000 is the average salary of a Private Equity Analyst. According to salary.com. But Pedro Pascal’s character comes from a billionaire family, placing him well above this.
• $82,000 is what Crain’s New York Business dubs a middle class household income in New York.
• $80,000 is what Dakota Johnson’s character earns after taxes.
• $35,000 is the average salary of an experienced cater waiter. According to salary.com.
• $850 is Chris Evans’ share of monthly rent alongside his gross house mates.

Can love conquer all? Which NY boroughs can Johnson thrive in as a single woman? What will her net worth be if she supports Evans while paying off her student loan debt? Which man has the best “intangible assets?” Share your thoughts in the comments.

You can find more of my reviews on The Avocado, Letterboxd and Serializd. My podcast, Rainbow Colored Glasses, can be found here.