The Prince of Egypt is turning 25. Now, this is a movie that people love and just won’t stop praising. They call it “majestic” and claim it’s “a masterpiece” and a “triumph of cinematic storytelling.” There are lots of folks who put this on their “favorite films of all time” lists, and in short, it seems to be pretty universally beloved.
So I must apologize in advance for what I’m about to say. I know y’all are probably never going to forgive me for this. But I gave this here Prince of Egypt “movie” a watch a couple of years back, and gave it a rewatch recently. And I gotta level with you. I think The Prince of Egypt is crap.
And no, I don’t think this is a good film that’s “just not for me” like Babe: Pig in the City or something like that (then again, I should maybe give that one another chance). No, I think that The Prince of Egypt is total and complete garbage. It’s embarrassing how much love this gets, frankly. Y’all need some serious lessons in proper taste.
Where do I begin? I suppose we can start with the animation. I keep hearing “it’s so spectacular” and “almost as good as Disney” and crazy acclaim like that, but no. Just no. This movie is so amateurishly made that I’m flabbergasted it got released in the condition it was. The character designs are ugly. Almost everyone just sort of bobs around when they move. So many frames are obviously missing. And I know one of you is going to say “but Scrat, surely you were at least blown away by the parting of the Red Sea, right?” Well no, I was not. In fact the way the soundtrack makes a cartoonish “mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa” sound as the Egyptians get their path blocked by what looks like a big puddle is downright insulting.
Which brings me to the sound. You guys are all like “the music in Prince of Egypt is so spectacular” and “Scrat, you’re crazy if the music in this doesn’t give you chills!” What are you all smoking? I’m sorry, but I can barely make out what characters are even saying half the time. And the “music” seems to be largely repetitive. And like its been used for several other previous movies!
And then there’s the story. I keep hearing about the “emotionally complex conflict between two brothers” at the center of everything, but all I saw were monkey spies, a narrator snake, and a “God” who looked like Zeus took a wrong turn on his way to Vegas. Who was this movie for? Why does everyone love it? Do I have to use the “everyone is stupid except me” Homer Simpson meme?
Anyway, for the sake of “quality,” I have chosen to share an upload which goes by the film’s alternate title Moses: Prince of Egypt just because it looks and sounds slightly better.
Have a great day, y’all! Also, weren’t Steve Martin and Martin Short supposed to be in this?