Much like NBC’s America-centric coverage of the HumanLympics, the MarbleLympics are not broadcast live. The videos are filmed, edited, and layered with inspirational music. But this means that an editing error can delay the official release of a video, as happened this week with Event #13 of the 2019 MarbleLympics But now we’re back in business, and we get to watch one of the most perilous events of the MarbleLympics: the elimination race.
It’s a perilous course full of ball bearings, hexagonal barriers, and other sundry obstacles. There are many opportunities for marbles to get stuck, but also many opportunities for marbles to jostle each other and underhandedly inflict some injuries. “I didn’t chip that marble; the ball bearing did it!”
But this year, our marbles decided to remain relatively civilized. Through successive rounds of elimination, they not only persevered, but remained sportsmanlike. The true test of strength isn’t the MarbleLympics themselves, but how we treat our fellow spherical sportsmates.
In the end, the final three were the Crazy Cat’s Eyes, the Green Ducks, and the Raspberry Racers. On the last run, the Crazy Cat’s Eyes got stuck high up on the track, and it looked like the Green Ducks were leading. But then the Raspberry Racers got a burst of speed and jostled the Green Ducks for first place. And to add insult to injury, the Green Ducks got stuck with the finish line in sight.
Of course, the Raspberry Racers were gracious in victory, and the Green Ducks were gracious in defeat. The Green Ducks still stand atop the MarbleLympics 2019 rankings. But with only six points separating them from the Raspberry Racers, that could all change in just one event.
Stray thoughts:
- As expected, the Oceanics finished dead last in their heat. Tired of constantly losing in every event, they fired their head coach.
- Also as expected, the Green Ducks and the Raspberry Racers were the ones duking it out for first and second. With a high number of speed-based events, the tournament is heavily weighted in their favour.
- If I had to make a change to how this event is run, I would eliminate every marble that doesn’t finish, using positioning only to break ties in finishing order. Tiebreaker racers would be run if too many marbles are eliminated in one go. As much as I like the Green Ducks (quack quack!) it’s ludicrous that they had a DNF yet still eked out a silver.
- The Indigo Stars just missed the podium. They still have zero medals.
- The Raspberry Racers have 1 Gold, 3 Silvers, and 3 Bronzes, for a total of 7 medals. In the medals table, it looks like they’re leet.
Next up: surfing. Cowabunga, baby!
Complete stats for the 2019 MarbleLympics can be found at the MarbleLympics Wiki.