You know the drill by now. If there are any non-player characters around, you should probably gather them up before Disqus crashes. Otherwise they’ll be stuck here forever.
You decide that the people here aren’t worth saving.
As Paisley, one of many RHPC NPCs you took with you, attempts to Krazy Glue a “J” back onto the Nollopian statue, the familiar flickering starts up again. Y’all get your groaning out of the way and attempt to summon Owen by yelling about Paddington 2 or something. One of you gets really heated about how mean Disqus is being.
“This is totally NOT radical, Disqus,” Xyler shouts to the heavens, “You do not have the moral right to end our existences, especially since we’ve been promised eternal life in the abyss!”
“Dude,” Craz whispers, nudging Xyler. “Be cool. We’re going to get out of here soon.”
“Nah, man! I’m sick of Disqus thinking they’re just the best commenting platform there is! People keep totally dying because of them! There are better ways to manage a website!”
“Xyler, bro, what are you saying?”
“Xyler, my x-ccentric, xenodochial xiphias! We xaern your presence, but I have to ask, are you alright? Disqus isn’t the best, especially after their many murders, but we must deal with it,” adds Darlington Bexley Goatsborough.
Craz laughs nervously and nudges Xyler again. A furious expression washes over Xyler’s face.
“I think Disqus is totally gnarly,” he says, stone-cold hatred in his voice.
“…Does gnarly mean good or bad?” Darlington asks, before freezing in place. The color drains from her face, first in the normal human way, then in the Kinja Ernie Is About To Kill You way. Craz looks from the fading Alyssa to the seething Xyler in horror.
Goat (Darlington Bexley Goatsborough) has died. He was a normal citizen of the Werewolf Cinematic Universe (Vanilla Town).
“Did Darlington just call him a swordfish?” asks Gimli, thumbing through his pocket dictionary.
“What have you done, Xyler?” asks Craz, perfectly aware of what Xyler has done.
Xyler sighs dramatically and removes his already high-cropped crop top, revealing a tattoo of the Kinja logo on his ribcage. “I’m sorry, Craz, but I was the entity known as Kinja Ernie all along. I tried to make you see the light of Kinja, but even while Disqus is murdering you, you stay loyal to it. I guess if I can’t have you on my totally awesome commenting platform, no one can!”
Xyler puts his hands on Craz’s shoulders, and the gray starts to spread up his normally nauseatingly neon pink outfit.
“After all we’ve been through together, our days contemplating the abyss. Did that mean nothing to you? Is this what you’ve become?” Craz asks, heartbroken. Xyler can’t muster a response, but the gray spreads faster. Craz puts his hands on Xyler’s shoulders and looks him in the eyes.
There’s a massive CRACK as Disqus shatters the world around you. The epicenter of the crack is right beneath the neon dream boys. They, still holding onto each other, fall into the abyss. Xyler catches himself on a piece of the ground that’s still unbroken, Craz holding onto his leg.
“Pull me up! Please! Forget Craz!”
Alyssa Milano’s character from Charmed steps to the edge, and kneels down. “I’ll help if you just answer me this: how the hell did turning people gray relate to Kinja?”
“I’ve heard that back during the Kinjapocalypse, way before our time, if unapproved submitters tried to post their comments would be grayed out. They’d call that being “Stuck in the grays”. Owen told me it was a thing, so Spooky wrote it into the headers.”
Alyssa nods, then pauses for a moment. She stands up fully. “Who the hell is spookyfriend?” She, in one smooth motion, kicks Xyler away from the edge of the world, sending both Xyler and Craz tumbling into the abyss.
Josephus (Xyler and Craz) has died. He was Kinja Ernie (Team 2’s Serial Killer)!
Alyssa turns to face the rest of you, who have taken to cowering in fear while glancing at the sky once in a while. “So–”
She is cut off by a teenaged voice, different from Owen’s. “Spookyfriend’s right here!”
In a flash, with knives propelled by sheer overconfidence, Alyssa Milano’s hands are chopped off. She staggers back, watching her hands as they fall to the ground in front of her, and slips over the edge.
Mirage (Sorry if there was a more specific name for your character!) has died. They were a Witch from The Witch Trials (Vanilla Wolf).
With that, the portal suddenly opens beneath you, and you’re sent away.
Owen quickly pops in to say, “Hi everyone! Didn’t find anyone worth saving? Cool, cool. You’re headed to a cooler place now! Gotta go!”
You pop out in the textbook definition of suburbia, only it’s black and white. Pigeons fly from the roofs of certain homes, one holding a gun. Housewives and househusbands (no one has a job here, apparently) look at each other with disdain from mostly closed curtains.
It’s permanently twilight. And you’re in a zone. Figure it out.
Welcome to Werewolf 59: The Werewolves are Due On Maple Street!
Doomsday Prepper: Each morning, after staying up all night talking to themselves and making conspiracy theories, the Doomsday Prepper drops off a gun on the doorstep of another player. That player may use their one-shot vig kill on any subsequent night.
Gossip: The Gossip is always watching from their window, listening to their neighbors, and gabbing about the events of the day. As a result, they know a lot about what happens on Maple Street. Unfortunately, they hear so much gossip that they never know the whole picture. They will hear bits and pieces from scrambled graveyard messages, delivered by the mod team during the day (once we wake up in the morning, we’re not animals).
Ol’ Pigeonpockets Pete: Ol’ Pigeonpockets Pete sends a pigeon with a private message in it to another player’s QT. They can do this twice during the day. Any player who receives a pigeon can send it back with a message of their own.
Alive Dead Video gets a gold star and an ice cream cone for compiling these for me <33
Video gets a gold star and an ice cream cone for compiling these for me <33
Times two! Each role is flavored in a fun way related to a past game. The name of this role doesn’t have much to do with anything.
Each role is flavored in a fun way related to a past game. The name of this role doesn’t have much to do with anything.