It’s Christmas Eve, and for those of us who celebrate anything resembling the holiday, it should be a day of looking forward to tomorrow’s gluttony and gift giving and telling off drunk relatives. For those who don’t, it’s a day for eating at the local Chinese and going on about your business, with less gift giving but possibly the same amount of drunk relatives.

For Christmas this year, Trump has gifted us with our first unwanted gift, and kept the receipt so we can’t return it. Government shutdown, baby! Just what we didn’t want! Furloughed employees always look forward to being told they won’t get paid because the boss, who still will, is being a cock.

General Matthis, despite planning to stick around another month or two before casually giving Trump the finger and stealing all the silver on his way out, is not going to get his chance. Instead, Trump, because he’s the genius we all deserve and didn’t ask for, is kicking him out on the first and asking the deputy of defense to change the locks. This could not possibly go wrong! After all, we still have to figure out how to set up the parade and banner for the “Mission Accomplished!” photo op that I’m sure Trump will want. (Maybe they can just Photoshop him into Dubya’s. No one will notice!)

This shutdown will likely go into 2019, and allow the new Democrat majority to take over in the House. What happens then? Who the fuck knows. We could be seeing a very long, very shitty shutdown if Trump continues to be a large orange man child who doesn’t get his way. Happy 2019!