Hey big babies. It’s a well-known fact that the Avocado is home to a bunch of sullen and overly-emotional mollycoddles. It’s time you chicken hearts went on record with the, uh, records, that move you to pathetic baby tears. Obviously that’s most of them, but if you cheerless wimps could give me just one or two from that endless, miserable list of songs that put you in a fetal position on the bathroom floor, I’d appreciate it, because I’ve created…

“The Avocado On Spotify”

…on, um, Spotify, and each of you invertebrate cucks are invited to participate in the making of an official playlist. If enough (two) of you participate, I’m threatening to do it again.

I’ll include whatever I see fit from whatever you pantywaist little daisies provide. Maybe that means the track with the ‘story-behind-all-the-sobbing’ of the most extreme psychological reliance on a partner, leading to a bitter break-up involving the authorities. Maybe it means the biggest hit song. Maybe it means the most obscure. Maybe it means all of them. Don’t worry about it, you touchy little faultfinder.

The idea is simple: to share the emptiness and pain you feel when hearing a song by forcing others to hear it in the mistaken belief that in sharing, the burden is made more bearable, rather than multiplied and spread like a virus.

Make the playlist. Make your fellow Avocadoans cry. It’s the easiest thing you’ll attempt all week.