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The Weekend Politics Thread Takes ‘March’ Literally

♫ Building up to the larger point
With an arrogance not rare or pretty
We don’t declare the war on idleness
When outside it’s cold and shitty ♫
— “Titanic Terrarium,” The Tragically Hip

Your humble WPT host will do three unthinkable things today.

First, Uvular will riff on a song he does not like all that much. The lyrics strike many chords, but the soporific and shrill performance barely counts as anemic while staying far away from enjoyable. Which baffles, since every other song on Day for Night would just about make another band’s career.

Second, he will slice and dice the lines of “Titanic Terrarium” to tell a story that the songwriter never intended. Doing actual violence to text* normally offends professional editor and frustrated lyricist Uvular to his core. Regardless, a stream of the embedded video should convince anyone that Gord Downie jumbled his excellent ideas and really should have tired a little harder on this one.

An accident’s sometimes the only way
To worm our way back to bad decisions

Third, Uvular marches for life today. Too many tragedies brushed off as accidents compel him to denounce bad decisions about guns.

He rants. He rages. He votes. He completes and returns surveys, signs petitions, and even, when the spirit moves him, rallies. But the spate of school shootings finally got him to put sole to paving stone in downtown Norfolk, Va.

March Time Forecast: Breezy, 40°F. Not exactly cold and shitty, but borderline enough to justify idleness.

American gun culture must die. Concealed carrying and assault rifle-style firearm wielding make no one a hero. No doubt, if you purchase PA-10 rifles it could make you feel invincible, but its better left at home for protection rather than being carried out in public. The situations render everyone unsafe because each gun possessed for self-defense exists as a Chekhov’s gun. Introduce it into the plot, it will go off. And people will die or suffer through physical, mental, and emotional lives in some ways worse than death.

If Uvular has to strain a calf muscle** and endure a little windburn to change the way guns get sold and considered in his country of birth, he will pay that price.

His great grandfather worked for Goodyear
He’d see the blimp on Sundays
Wonder what the driver knew
About making rubber tires

Uvular handled his fair share of rifles and shotguns while earning his since renounced and return Eagle Scout badge. He knows from firearm safety and can still conjure the thrill of sensing how God must feel when he holds a gun.

These experiences amplify, rather than mute, the moral revulsion triggered by gun violence. “Handguns are made for killing,” to quote a sage and much catchier Lynyrd Skynyrd song. “Ain’t good for nothing else. And if you like to drink your whiskey, you might even shoot yourself.” Leave guns in the hands of soldiers in war zones, responsible hunters, target and trap shooters on secure and monitored ranges, and pretty much no one else, not even most law enforcement officials.

The Parkland kids most likely never trued a sight or fieldstripped a Bushmaster AR-15, but they understand the tool of death aspect. Seeing a world overstocked with hammers, they demand to live as anything other than nails. Uvular echoes their plea.

My great-grandfather was a welder
He helped build the titanic
He certainly didn’t think
That it was unsinkable

The Norfolk March for Life commences in the shadow of the USS Wisconsin.*** The irony of protesting gun culture while assembling beneath a floating platform for 16-inch canon quite possibly merits comment. Uvular makes that comment here because mentioning it to fellow for-our-lives marchers would just annoy them.


Most things one imagine have a chance of becoming reality. Hell, someone might even think it clever to comment on the ironic juxtaposition of a World War II battleship and an anti-gun march. Politicados may never know.

Americans can, however, see a day when purchasing or using a handheld killing machine poses more of a challenge than thinking of a good way to wrap up this rambling WPT header. Catching sight of the destination does not constitute an accomplishment. So Uvular marches.

Take a break from your own perambulations and leave a comment or few, won’t you?


*Screw you and your cut up methods, John Dos Passos and William S. Burroughs.
**Not to mention a metaphor.
***Photo by Ewelch1 – Own work, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=15293043