Some day, our descendants will as us, “The ugly sweater thing.  What’s the dilly-o, gramps?”  And we shall have no answer for them.

We have no one but Andy Williams to blame for the Christmas sweater (or jumper, as our cousins from across the pond like to call it). In the UK, the handsome slick-voiced devil popularized the style in the 1980’s. When he wore the jumpers on his Christmas specials.  Like a bunch of holiday-themed cosplayers, fans of The Emperor of Easy donned and gifted similar outfits.  What most people didn’t figure out was the reason why Andy Williams looked good in these sweaters was because he was Andy friggin’ Williams.

 

The trend would eventually die out until it became a joke in Bridget Jones’ Diary.  (Though having Colin Firth wear one probably chipped away at the inherent darkness.) The sweaters came back in full force once the hipsters got a hold of it in the 2010’s.  Remember when shopping ironically at thrift stores were a thing?  Eventually the department stores caught wind and started offering g newer ugly sweaters that didn’t quite smell so bad.

The world has never been the same since.

Ugly sweater parties started the rage, with prizes for ugliest sweater.  (Which I once won.) There are fun runs where you can sweat in a really bulky outfit not made for exercise (I participated in one last year, with blinky lights and everything).  And there are varieties where you can unironically declare your love of DC superheroes, Pokémon, or Star Wars.  Many yarns and knitting needles lost their lives to bring you such festive apparel.

Clearly anyone who owns such a thing should feel deep shame and regret.

Happy holidays!